


i told the stars about you (they whispered back)

by baeconandeggs, cyberzyu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ChanBaek - Freeform, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Greek Mythology, Self-Harm, Slice of Life, domestic abuse, extreme fluff, lower case intended on specific areas, sekai - Freeform, slut-shaming terms, some information altered to best fit the au, soulmates!au, triggering themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:16:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberzyu/pseuds/cyberzyu
Summary: and told me you'd save me.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>   
> 
> **Author's Note:** hi! i hope you enjoy this fanfiction. i worked very hard on it for multiple months even pulled multiple all-nighters for it haha. i hope it holds a special place in your heart like it has for me. this is my first time writing with BAE and it's definitely been fun! until next year <3  
> also - i have arranged a spotify playlist for this series if you're interested, i have also added for (optional) certain parts to have specific songs played at them:  
> here it is:  
> [spacing out - beabadoobee](https://open.spotify.com/track/6Jmr2w49vC2cj4fPgmkjfH?si=UU1uhzDzSgWo4rpaBJr9Zw)  
> [miles apart - nick wilson](https://open.spotify.com/track/6yM488yghMJP9bJnwZKyJT?si=d8wk4W02ToCizVIwfslY2g)  
> [it’s u - cavetown](https://open.spotify.com/track/6vkL4147WP0E8AUuQUyNDd?si=NGw9kUE7Toi9ezzmtAN_PA)  
> [sick of losing soulmates - dodie](https://open.spotify.com/track/4hjbxjZpJ8H6qRCzDOGI0M?si=viqLB562SVe0lmlackeNlg)

“ i don’t know how it is you are so familiar to me- or

why it feels less like i am getting to know you

and more as though i am remembering who you are.

how every smile, every whisper brings me closer to

the impossible conclusion that i have known you before,

i have loved you before- in another time,

a different place- some other existence. “

                   - lang leav

“What do you mean you can’t come in, Byun? This is the second time you’ve called out this week!” The bar manager yelled into the phone, trying to not make a scene yet failing miserably at it. But it caught a bored and buzzed Park Chanyeol’s attention. “Whatever, I’ll have Heechul cover for you  _ again _ tonight. Call out again and you’re fired, Baek. I’m serious this time.” A small defeated sigh leaving his lips, “See you tomorrow.”

_ Slam _ .

The conversation ended as quickly as it started and Chanyeol wasn’t all for passive-aggressive bosses but hey, entertainment is entertainment on a vacant Sunday night in a city bar that him and Sehun have only visited a few times.

“And don’t even get me started on what that stupid fuck whose head of the Marketing team said about-” Sehun spoke yet abruptly stopped.

“Chanyeol,” Sehun’s elbow hits the side of Chanyeol’s right arm, “Are you even paying attention?” His eyebrows knitted together in annoyance.

“Yeah, yeah, of course, I am.” Snapping to attention the minute his best friend made contact.

“Oh really?” Sehun raises an eyebrow “What was the last thing I said?”

Chanyeol racked his brain to come up with an answer that correlated with the previous topic, “You mentioned something about...your new marketing project at your dad’s company, I think?”

“I talked about that last night, you really aren’t listening, huh?”

The younger sighed in defeat, adjusting in his barstool, “What’s making you space out so much? I can’t be _ that  _ boring, can I?”

Chanyeol took the last swig of the drink in front of him, “No! It’s just- nothing. Just tired, I had a bad shift at work this morning and so many assignments to finish over the past week. The last thing I want to hear about right now is  _ more _ work.”

The fill-in bartender in front of him took his cue to slide him a new drink once he finished the other and Chanyeol can’t tell if it’s out of kindness or a sign he comes here way too much.

...Probably the latter.

“Well,” Sehun swirled around his pick of poison in the glass, “Least’ you’ll be done after this year and can move to  _ bigger  _ and _ better  _ things.” He exaggerated.

“Yeah like a degree in Humanities will get me far.” Chanyeol snorts, “Hey, better than having nothing at all!”

“I suppose you’re right.” With a glance at his phone and taking the last sip of his gin and coke, “I’m probably going to head out.” Sehun mentions as he stands up, grabbing his bag. “I have a meeting tomorrow and Jongin wants me home.”

“He’s living with you now?” Chanyeol grins, “What happened to the ‘ _ I never settle down _ ’ Oh Sehun?” He chuckles.

“You know things are different with him,” Sehun slung his strap over his shoulder, “You’ll understand it someday, kid.”

“Dear god, stop talking to me as if you’re my 40-year-old uncle who finally settled down after 2 divorces.”

“That’s oddly specific, got some family drama, Yeol?” He chuckled, “I’m just saying!  Maybe you’ll finally find someone meaningful to you soon instead of someone midnight hook-up from Tinder when you’re bored.”

“Wow, you really had to call me out like that?”

“Isn’t that my specialty?”

“Just go home.” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and with a pat on his back, Sehun left him alone in that same vacant bar.

It wasn’t as if Chanyeol wasn’t interested in finding someone, he just had absolutely no luck. He had shit taste in people, they always use him, never call him back, or buried with problems too big to handle. In which, he’s started to just take on one night stands to fill those romantics gaps life held for you.

Sehun always said he attracted damaged people. He’s starting to think maybe he’s right.

“Are you done for the night?”

Chanyeol looked up at the fill-in bartender, eyes flickering to his empty drink. “Yeah. I’ll probably head home.” He announced as the worker took up the glass.

“See ya, Yeol.”

“See you, Heechul.”

Jesus Christ, a first name basis now? Maybe he needs to start looking when the next AA meeting is.

-

Chanyeol made his way into his city apartment. Placing his phone on his bedside table and stripping down to his briefs. He made his way to the restroom to perform his nightly skin-care routine in the small, dingy apartment.

“Oh, come on.” He grunts under his breath as the knob to his sink won’t turn. After some multiple attempts, the stingy knob finally turned, cool water spilling from it.

Chanyeol leaned up to grab a washcloth from the cabinet above the mirror yet when his eyes caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he froze.

Eyes glancing down to the bruise speckled with yellow spots on the lower part of his forearm, “Fuck...” He mumbled under his breath as he set the cloth down to inspect his arm. His thumb rubbed continuously against the mysterious wound.

He didn’t feel any pain.

Yet, Chanyeol brushes this off.

His mind convinces him maybe Sehun hit his arm too hard when elbowing him earlier and it caused a bruise. Or hell, maybe he hit his arm earlier and just doesn’t recall the incident.

It certainly couldn’t be  _ that  _ again, could it?

Hopefully not.

Chanyeol was too buzzed and exhausted to care any longer. The discovery doesn’t stop him from continuing with his nightly routine before heading back to his room.

-

Baekhyun’s back crashed against the wall. Stars filling his vision and the wind leaving his lungs.

“So, I’ll ask you again. Are you going to continue talking to me like that?” He heard a slurred voice snarl at him, the silhouette towards him as Baekhyun winced in pain.

The smaller didn’t answer until he felt a hand grab a fist full of his brunette hair, “Are you going to answer me, you whore? Or do I need to jerk you around some more to make you understand?”

Baekhyun eyes widened as he winced, “I-I won’t talk to you that way again.  _ Ah-!”  _ Another _ tug, “ _ I promise!” Baekhyun looked up at his boyfriend, pain induced tears filling his eyes.

“Hah, those words sound a lot better leaving your pretty lips.”

“Jaegeun, please l-let me go. You’re hurting me!”

“Of course, I am, How else are you going to learn your lesson, Baekhyunnie?” Yet, with the suck of his teeth from pure annoyance, Jaegeun let go of Baekhyun.

Pushing him away back against the cold wall that seemed to be his safe space, always embracing him whenever Jaegeun drank too much.  Baekhyun isn’t sure how he wasn’t numb to this inflicted pain yet. It doesn’t seem like he’ll ever get used to it no matter how many months pass with the on and off abuse.

Don’t ask him why he stays. Even Baekhyun doesn’t know.

Maybe out of love? Hope? Fear?

He wouldn’t be able to tell you. Not in this state of mind.

Not when it gets like this in the heat of the moment.

“Just, c-can you at least stop drinking tonight? Please, Jaegeun. L-Let’s go lay down and maybe sleep this off-“ A timid Baekhyun tried to reason with the last spark of reliance in him for the night. Watching his boyfriend ignore his pleads and turn around to walk away from the crumbling boy. Baekhyun reached out and grabbed his forearm, “Jaegeun, pleas-“

It seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.

His soft-hearted grip was torn from his lover’s forearm, watching as Jaegeun didn’t hesitate to connect his knuckles with Baekhyun’s cheek, feeling the blow make a cut form on the corner of his lip.

“Don’t fucking touch me and mind your damn business!” He spat at the younger whose hands shakily went to cup his abused cheek.

He continued, “Why haven’t you got it yet? I clearly don’t want to be around a useless fuck like you right now.” His tainted words continued to cut deep inside of Baekhyun no matter how many times he’s heard them before. Baekhyun slid down against that familiar cold wall, his once held back tears spilling down swollen cheeks.

He didn’t know what to say.

He never knows what to say,

Baekhyun only heard a jingle of keys filling the dead silent room and boots being shoved on, “I’m leaving for the night.”

The caring side of Baekhyun had the small urge to beg him not to go. Jaegeun was drunk, Baekhyun didn’t want him going out in public, picking a fight with someone, or worse, getting himself killed. He loathed this caring side of him even when Jaegeun was acting vile. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to utter a single shaky word.

“Don’t expect me back for a few days either.”

And the door slammed behind Jaegeun with his bitter departing words. It seemed like hours until Baekhyun peeled himself up from the floor, stumbling as he stood up from the lack of energy and exhaustion hitting his body.

He shuffled his way to the bathroom, flickering on the light. This wasn’t his first time he was stumbling into their tiny apartment bathroom with tired, teary eyes and the bruises to show it and it surely wasn’t the last. “Fuck...” His blood-shot eyes examined himself in the mirror.

Arms battered in purple bruises, the dried blood ringing under his nose, and to top it off, a cut complimenting his  _ ‘pretty lips’ _ as Jaegeun would describe them.

It hadn’t been this bad in months between them and Baekhyun thought things finally turned around for the better. Yet, they seemed to always fall back into this repeated toxic cycle. One that has gone on for the past two years they’ve dated.

Jaegeun would bruise the skin of his lover in drunken or sober fits of rage and jealousy, just to kiss all over the internal wounds and cuts in the morning muttering apologies for tarnishing Baekhyun’s ‘beautiful skin’.

Baekhyun can’t say he doesn’t hit cloud 9 when feeling the butterfly kisses and soft touches.

Something that seems to be foreign to him nowadays.

Which is why he forgives Jaegeun.

Which is why he stays.

_ Over, over, over, and over again. _

Baekhyun had plenty of time when embraced by those lonely cold walls and sticking to the kitchen floor in tears to think of their situation. The smaller always reflected on it.

Yes, he knows he shouldn’t stay. Yet, Baekhyun can’t bring himself to fully let go of Jaegeun.

Out of  _ fear _ for what could happen if he did let go.

Out of  _ hope  _ things could get better.

And mostly, out of the speckles of  _ love  _ he still had for him in his heart...

Or at least, what he perceives as love.

Maybe, it’s the concept of it he’s in love with. The concept that one day he and Jaegeun will be normal and happy. Completely in-love like they’re supposed in their 20s, young and trying to achieve happiness with each other in this bitter, cold world. That’s what Baekhyun saw on television shows, at least.

Baekhyun wants to be in love so bad, that he’s willing to sit there and endure what he perceives as the obstacles to achieve that eternal, sweet love that will momentarily come.

_ “Ah-“ Baekhyun’s _ fingers press lightly on the bruises littering fragile arms.

He’s too frazzled to think any further right now.

All Byun Baekhyun knows is he’s exhausted, not from the beating but the draining relationship he was trapped in. He lifted his hand slowly, his fingertip millimeters from the cut on his lip. The pad of his finger brushing against the wound and a sharp hiss of pain leaving his lips.

-

Chanyeol woke up in a cold sweat as he sat up, gasping for air and hair sticking to his forehead. His trembling hands made their way to his burning face as stuttering kneecaps didn’t hesitate to pull him from his bed.

He rushed his way to the tiny bathroom once more like hours ago. Flickering on the small light and running the water with luckily, no trouble this time from sticky, old knobs.  Dark hues glanced up at the mirror as his mouth gaped at the horrendous sight upon porcelain skin.

Bruises embraced themselves up and down his arms, now dried blood that has spilled sideways down his swollen cheek, and a slanted cut complimenting his top lip.

“What the fuck...” He breathlessly spoke as his fingertips went to brush against the injuries painting him.

No pain.

“What? There’s n-no way...” He presses on the bruises, harder this time. Chanyeol expected to lurch in pain from him abusing the skin further but he felt nothing.

The student’s fingers made their way to brushing against the cut, feeling that it was quite real.

_ Nothing _ .

“How can that be? This isn’t making s-sense.” He muttered under his breath.

Yet, Chanyeol didn’t want to believe it was  _ that _ .

The taller didn’t want to believe he was experiencing  _ this  _ again. Trembling hands pulled back his shower curtain, turning on the water, and Chanyeol peeled off any remaining clothes on his body. He scrubbed and scrubbed away at his skin, red blotches forming, complimenting the purple bruises tattooing his skin.

Honestly, Chanyeol wasn’t sure what he was expecting.

The bruises to be a figure of his imagination?

To wake himself up from a living nightmare as he was desperate to feel something other than confusion?

_ Maybe. _

He slowed down the rapid scrubbing as he noticed the bruises were going nowhere. The shower knob was turned to a sluggish halt as the cold water stopped pouring down on his battered body. A sigh escaping his wounded lips as Chanyeol reached to grab the towel hanging from the shower rod.

Chanyeol stood in front of the steamed-filled mirror, his hand reaching out to slowly wipe it away and reveal to him his unchanged reflection. He sighed as he was exactly right, the last bit of his hopes disappearing from his grasp.

“I have to fix this.”


	2. Chapter 2

“So, it’s happening again, huh?” Sehun took a seat across from the other as he finally arrived at the cafe meetup, one that Chanyeol frantically arranged over the phone with his friend at 3 am. The taller whose finger-tips grazed over his newly scabbed-up lip mumbled a small, “Yeah.” A sigh following him as his hand fell next to his coffee on the table.

“And let me guess, you are refusing to see a doctor.”

“I never said-”

“You’d go by now if you didn’t.”

Well, maybe he was right.

“I just don’t think it’s that serious, well, at first I didn’t,” Chanyeol mumbled as mixed around the small straw in his coffee.

“Well that’s because it just started off with small bruises here and there, Chanyeol” Sehun continues, “But now? You have full blown cuts, mild bruising, and scraps that’ll come out of nowhere! It’s not normal.”

“Well, no shit it’s not normal. But, I’m...nervous to see a doctor, what if they misunderstand?”

Chanyeol watched as Sehun slumped back in the uncomfortable cafe chairs as he considered that possibility. “I highly doubt that’ll happen.”

“Ah yes, because explaining to a doctor how injuries magically appear on my skin in a blink of an eye is something that happens daily to others! Surely they’ll understand.” Sarcasm was heavy in Chanyeol’s tone.

“Okay asshole, I get it. But still, go to see if maybe there’s medical reasoning.”

“I highly doubt that it is a medi-”

“Chanyeol, just fucking try and see what the doctors say.”

“Fine.” He huffed in defeat.

It wasn’t that Chanyeol genuinely didn’t want help, he did. If a doctor could sit there and carefully explain just what the hell has been wrong with him for the past year and a half, Chanyeol would love that.

Yet, it just wasn’t realistic.

These injuries he experienced would periodically appear out of nowhere, tattooing his porcelain skin yet no pain would spread. No amount of pressure put on the wounds could cause any type of reaction and no amount of Google searching could help him answer his never-ending questions on his disease.

“Look, it’s our only option left. I know you don’t think they’ll find out what’s exactly wrong, but it could be a start.” Sehun sighed as he took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee, “You can’t avoid it anymore.”

Chanyeol paused as he narrowed his eyes, fingers gripping his coffee as the lid hovered over his lips, “You know,” He took a quick sip, “I hate when you’re fucking right.”

-

After his last class that concluded his stressful day, Chanyeol found himself making his way back to the small bar, secluded in the corner of the street block.

It was one of those days Chanyeol would go and get a drink for himself. As he listens to the drunkards who fill the barstools next to him slur their stories of tragic backstories or how their marriages are crumbling.

For some, that’d be a nuisance, yet for Chanyeol, he didn’t mind it as long as he was buzzed.

Taking a seat at the empty stool towards the end of the bar island, Chanyeol spoke as he placed his bag on the ground, “Hey Heechul, Can I get a-”

Chanyeol looked up his eyes fell upon a tiny brunette with the biggest brown eyes and a lip scar to match his own.

“I’m sorry, Heechul isn’t here tonight. I’m the other bartender, Baekhyun.” The boy introduced himself as Chanyeol’s eyes glanced down at the name-tag he sported on his black shirt. Baekhyun threw on his customer approved smile immediately, “What can I get for ya?”

Yet, Chanyeol couldn’t keep his eyes off the similar scar they both had decorating their pale pink lips.

Same spot. Same dark red. Same crescent shape.

_ It was odd. _

And he didn’t notice how eerie he looked until the young bartender scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, “Sir?”  His small voice snapped Chanyeol back into reality.

“I’m sorry. Just get me a- _ uh _ ...” He stammered until he could finally get the gears moving in his head once more, “Scotch on the rocks, please.”

Scotch? Chanyeol never drank Scotch before nor can he withstand the smell of it, bringing him way too many childhood memories than needed. But it seemed to be the only drink to come to mind as he scrambled around to re-gather his thoughts and he’ll certainly just suck it up for now. “Sure thing.” The bartender nodded as Baekhyun turned on his heel and went to prepare Chanyeol’s drink.

_ Yet, probably a coincidence. _

“You know,” He heard the familiar voice of the bartender speak up, “You don’t look like a guy who’d come into a local bar for some scotch.” His voice echoed in the small bar.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, you look quite young. Only old people usually drink Scotch on a Monday evening, you know.”

“And what makes you think I’m not some man in my 40’s? Been told I look like one.” Chanyeol chuckled, the conversation playful yet smooth.

“Maybe the height of one but definitely not the look.” Baekhyun chuckled as he continued, sliding down the newly made drink to the taller, “I’m going to guess...”

Chanyeol watched as the younger observed him. “22? or maybe, 23? College student, right? Hm, but definitely not a freshman. Full ride? Honor Student in grade school?”

“23 but spot on, keep going,” Chanyeol speaks, quite impressed.

“Senior. Probably employed as well. The compilation of end of the year work and the stress of your job are weighing down on you? Feel the need to have a strong drink at the beginning of the week to soothe the nerves?”

“Work? Where do you think I work?”

Glimmering brown eyes flickered down to the name-tag on Chanyeol’s shirt, “Wild guess, but, I’d say a Barista.” as if the words ‘ _ KJD’s CAFE: SENIOR BARISTA _ ’ printed on the small pocket of his work shirt wasn’t obvious enough. Chanyeol grinned, taking a sip of his poison of choice, trying to subside the bitterness sliding down his throat with more conversation, “Hm, fine let’s get complicated then. Guess my major.”

“Hm, Biology or Psychology.”

“Ooh quite wrong, I’m a humanities major.”

“Humanities? Do you hate your life that much?”

“Listen, when it’s the part of the scholarship you scored after tons of hard work to major in that field, you take it.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he started to clean dirty glasses as he spoke to the other. “So, do you have a name that comes with your poor choices of a major?”

“Park Chanyeol.”

“Of course, I knew that.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes as he took another swig, “You’re quite bold, Are you like this with all your customers?”

 

“Only when I’m bored,” He laughs, “Can’t you see it’s dead in here?” Baekhyun motioned around the establishment as Chanyeol’s curious gaze looked around the bar and the bartender was right.

So much for those now lost drunk stories that would have filled his ears tonight.

“Well, aren’t you thankful I can give you some company?” Chanyeol spoke as the young bartender placed the clean glasses back behind the counter, “Sure, if that helps you sleep at night.”

After another drink or maybe four, Chanyeol found his glazed eyes staring upon that identical gash once more, “Hey.” Chanyeol spoke to grab the other’s attention, “Looks like we’re matching in the injury department.” Chanyeol laughed as he pointed at the obvious wound on his top lip.

“How did you get yours, Hyunee?” He slurred the younger’s name at the end of his sentence.

“Hyunee? I talk to you for two hours and you take it upon yourself to give me a cute nickname?” He laughs, as he continues to clean the bar table, “You’re quite ridiculous.” Baekhyun spoke, trying to avoid the topic.

“Ridiculous? Me? Says the one who instantly felt the need to make a game out of my life story? Well, if that helps you sleep at night.” Chanyeol mocked Baekhyun’s previous statement as he placed his chin in his palm, leaning against it as he looked at the bartender, “Now come on, tell me. Even if it was an embarrassing story, I won’t judge.” A drunken grin on his lips.

He observed as Baekhyun pondered with his next words, “As I said, you’re ridiculous,” He sighed and went on to explain, “I... I fell while walking up the steps from the subway the other day. I went face first into the concrete.” Hazel eyes looking over at Chanyeol searching for the approval of his ‘explanation’.

And of course, Chanyeol was too buzzed to catch on to the desperate glance and Baekhyun’s bad attempt at lying. “Well, you must be really hard-headed if you fell face first into the concrete and only got a tiny scar on your lip.” He laughs as he watched the younger sprout a smile on his lips, a quick laugh following, “Look at you, you drink a little bit and suddenly you think you’re a comedian.”

“And what if I am?”

“Then you’re a shitty one if you can only be funny after drinking 4 glasses of Scotch.”

He rolled his eyes as he glanced down at the bartender’s bruised wrist, half-way covered by his black long-sleeve, “Oh, did you hurt your wrist when you fell as well?” Chanyeol innocently asked.

“Do all drunk, lonely people pry as much as you do?” Baekhyun sighed, as he pulled his sleeve down a bit more, “Yeah, I did.”

“Did you expect me not to ask when you’ve hardly used your other hand your whole shift? No wonder you’re slow with making a straight Scotch on the rocks.” Chanyeol teased the other.

“One hand is more than enough to satisfy a guy anyways.” With those words, crimson-painted Chanyeol’s cheeks at the promiscuous statement, “Uh, what-“ Baekhyun busted into laughter in a few moments after, “Oh god, the look on your face is fucking priceless,” His fit of giggles slowed down as he flashed a small smile at the taller, “It’s okay ya walking tomato, I was just joking.”

Chanyeol began to wrap up his tab for the night, downing 7 glasses of Scotch wasn’t exactly ideal when he had a test at 8 am the next morning, but shit happens when you’re buzzed and talking to a tiny, sassy bartender all night long. Yet, Chanyeol enjoyed the conversation enough to slide him the 15-dollar extra tip which Baekhyun protested for 10 minutes straight about until finally accepting the extra money Chanyeol got as a tip earlier. He seemed like he deserved it more anyways.

“Finally done drinking your woes away for the night?” Baekhyun grabs the keys hanging up, “Good because we’re closing anyways.”

“For today at least. I’ll be back in a day, maybe two.”

“You’re a regular? How come I’ve never seen you?”

“Sort of, only started coming here a number of times the past few weeks,” Chanyeol stands up as he grabs his bag off the ground, swinging the strap over his shoulder, “Also, maybe you just never notice a hot guy when he’s right in front of you.” He gloated as the younger with his light jacket in hand and keys jangling in the other, walked from the behind the bar.

Baekhyun snorted, “Or maybe your jolly green giant ass is just too tall for me to actually care to look up at your face.”

“Ouch, calling me ugly and making fun of my height in one sentence? You monster.”

“Not my fault you can’t handle honesty.”

Chanyeol and the bartender walked towards the exit of the small bar, Baekhyun flickering off the lights and being quick to lock up the establishment the moment they walk outside.

“Hey, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol whose shoulders pushed up the bag that was sagging down, “It’s quite late, do you want me to walk you home?”

“Um...It’s okay! I got it; I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

“Are you sure? It’s late and we’re in the city so I thought- “

Chanyeol was cut off when a car pulled up, close to the sidewalk. He watched as the window slowly rolled down as a man spoke up, “Hey babe, you ready to go?” He spoke in a rugged voice, the years of chain smoking heavily laced within.

“ _ Oh _ .” Chanyeol came to a realization that the unfamiliar man with the ugly, rugged voice as to be the bartender’s boyfriend.

Baekhyun shot him an apologetic glance, “Goodnight Park.” He said as awkwardness was thick in the air between them. “Goodnight.” He replied as he watched Baekhyun step in the car, hearing the smoker’s voice hissing a _ ‘Who is that?’ _ to the brunette when he quickly closed the car door behind him.

Chanyeol watched as they drove off, the cool wind brushed against his cheeks. He turned around and made his way towards the direction of his own place.

He made sure to make a note in the back of his mind to  _ definitely _ his designated bar spot.

“Say it, Baekhyunnie.” Jaegeun gripped onto Baekhyun’s already injured wrist, driving with his other free arm. The younger flinched in his seat, “J-Jaegeun please, he was a customer. It wasn’t anything lik-“ Yet the death grip became tighter.

“Say it, you slut.”

And the once confident Baekhyun who was full of jokes and sass was nowhere to be seen at this point, “I-I’m sorry.”

And even  _ tighter _ .

“I-I’m sorry I was talking to other men!”

“And what else, Baekhyun?”

_ Tighter _ .

“A-And I won’t do it again! I promise! Jaegeun p-please let go now, it hurts!” He pleaded as he felt the pressure release on his wrist once his boyfriend finally let go.

Yet, a fresh bruise and intense pain still remained consistent on his already injured hand as Baekhyun pulled his wrist to his chest, choking back the tears built up in his throat.

“This is for your own good, Baekhyun.” Jaegeun spoke as he placed both hands back on the steering wheel, “And you know it.”

-

“So, you’re going to the hospital today?” Sehun spoke on the other side of the phone that Chanyeol had pressed up to his ear, his shoulder supporting it.

The taller sat up in his bed, hunched over as his groggy eyes fell upon the new purple bruise around his wrist. The blemish joining all the others scattered on his skin. His fingertips lightly brushing over the wounds, “Yeah. I think I’ll head there now.” He swung his legs over the side of his bed, “Okay, tell me how it goes, alright?” Sehun continues, “Hopefully they can find out what’s wrong, Chanyeol.”

He sighs, “Yeah, hopefully.”

More like let’s hope they don’t misunderstand Chanyeol and make him out to be mentally unstable and assuming he harms himself instead.

He hung up the phone, pushing the covers aside as he stood up. As much as he’d love putting the trip off, Chanyeol couldn’t stand waking up day after day any longer with new bruises and cuts to show to the world.

He wanted to figure out what was wrong, Chanyeol couldn’t go on like this any longer without any explanation. You know, if there even is one.

“At first, they were small and unnoticeable, you know?” Chanyeol explained as he tried to relax on the uncomfortable examination table, “Only popping up from time to time, small and harmless.” He continues, looking up at Doctor Jung whose clipboard was in hand, listening intently, “But then they started to get worse. Gashes in my skin, deep bruising, and clear bodily trauma would start popping up.”

“I see? And you mentioned briefly how this only sparks up sometimes? Correct?”

“Well, sort of. It gets really bad some months, others it seemed to have completely stopped. It’s only recently started to pick up again and this time, it’s as bad as I’ve ever seen it.”

“I see, Mr. Park.” Doctor Jung who scribbled down a few notes, “Seeing that your symptoms are vague and abnormal, I’m afraid at this moment I can’t diagnose you with anything. In the meantime, I’m going to refer you to a hematologist.”

“A  _ what _ -tologist?”

“Hematologist, it is a doctor who specializes in blood disorders. I have a friend in the field I’ll be referring your case to.”

Chanyeol shifted in his seat, “Doctor Jung, are the symptoms that serious? A-Are you sure there’s nothing you can do?”

The doctor sighed as he signed the bottom of the doctor’s referral, “From what I examined, I can’t pinpoint anything, and it’d be unethical of me to not refer you to other options.” Taking off the note from his clipboard and handing it to Chanyeol, “As well, I’m scheduling you an appointment with the local blood lab nearby, you will need to go by for a blood test and the following results will be sent back to my friend, Doctor Kim.”

Chanyeol took a hold of the note, skimming over the messy scribbled words, ‘ _ Do all doctors have such shit handwriting? _ ’ he asked himself. The doctor spoke up again, “Once you get that done, feel free to schedule another appointment. Is there anything else you’d like to let me know about before concluding your appointment? Any further questions?”

The taller sighed, “No, I suppose that’s all for now.”

Doctor Jung grabbed his laptop and clipboard, heading towards the door to exit, “Alright. See you then, Mr. Park.” Chanyeol crumbled the note in his hand, pushing the paper into his pocket, “Alright, thank you...” rolling his eyes the moment the door closes, “...for absolutely nothing.”

 

-

“It was a waste, Sehun. A complete waste of time.” Chanyeol leaned against the clinic building with his phone pressed against his ear, “The guy couldn’t even tell me what was wrong!”

“The man tried his best, Chanyeol.”

“Yeah well, I don’t see the point in looking for a medical reason any further, clearly if they can’t find out what’s wrong now, they won’t at all.” Sehun sighed on the other end of the line, “Chanyeol, you’re a real headache you know? So stubborn, just get the blood work done and see what happens!”

“And waste my time and money? No thanks!”

“Chanyeol, do you not have health insurance?”

The taller scoffed, “So what? Insurance is nothing but a conspiracy! A ploy to take my money!”

A long drawn out groan escaped the other side of the device, “Like I said, a  _ headache _ .”

“Look, there’s just no point okay? I don’t think something is wrong with me to the point where I need fucking blood work done.”

“And what if you do? Chanyeol, sick people don’t know they are sick until they get the help they need.”

“I’m a very healthy person, thank you very much!”

“Yeah? And healthy people still get cancer, so I see no reason why you shouldn’t-”

In the middle of their quarrel, Chanyeol caught a glimpse of a familiar brunette in the corner of his eye. Turning his head around the corner he leaned on, Chanyeol watched as the small bartender from the night before was making his way out of the clinic. Noticing the black brace prominent on his left wrist.

“H-Hey!” Chanyeol blurted out, cheeks burning up when Baekhyun turned around, facing with him with a curious look, “Um, sorry, hey Sehun I’ll call you back okay?”

“Chanyeol, who the hell are y-“ Sehun began to speak as Chanyeol was quick to hit the tempting red button he’s been yearning to press since the beginning of their nagging phone call.

“Sorry, I kinda blurted out to you like that.” Chanyeol sputtered a flustered apology as he walked towards the other, “Ah, that’s alright.” Baekhyun quietly replied, looking around the busy parking lot as he spoke to the other. “Is there anything you need, Park?” Baekhyun nervously spoke as he met halfway with Chanyeol who was secluded on the side of the clinic building, gaze locking on the taller once he was confident the area was clear and safe, always fearing eyes were on him.

“Well, I wanted to know- “

“If you’re asking if I’m working tonight, it’s a no-“ The smaller went on to his usual banter until he was cut off.

“Actually, I wasn’t planning to drink tonight, but I noticed,” He motioned to Baekhyun’s hand supported by the brace, “Did your wrist get worse?” Chanyeol innocently asked as Baekhyun looked down at his injured wrist, completely forgetting about it.

” Um, no. I just felt maybe it needed to be checked out that’s all!” He conjured up the excuse as Baekhyun pushed down his sleeve to attempt to cover the brace, “I use my hands all day, I can’t risk it getting worse, you know?”

“I see.”

Yet, Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel that unsettling awkwardness still fresh in between them.

“Hey, about last night I didn’t know that you had a boyfriend. I’m sorry if it may have seemed like I was stepping on toes.” Chanyeol apologized as he watched a small smile rest on Baekhyun’s lips, “Don’t be silly. It’s fine.” He continued,” But, I’m sorry if it came off that way.”

“No, no! It’s okay, I get it.” Chanyeol didn’t notice he was nervously pulling at the sleeves of his jacket. Baekhyun spoke up, his confidence and flirty attitude swooping back in, “And hey! I know it’s a bummer you can’t get in my pants anymore. Hell, even I’d be disappointed if I were you.” Grinning at how crimson the other’s cheeks were at the bold statement, “But you’re really enjoyable to talk to, you even laugh at my bad jokes. Maybe we can still be friends?”  Baekhyun smiled at the latter, “If you’re up for it.”

A voice in Byun Baekhyun’s head screamed for those words not to leave his mouth. Yet, his desire to just want to have  _ one _ fucking good thing in his life was over-powering.

“Why do I feel like I’ll regret this decision?”

“I guarantee you it’ll be the worst yet best decision of your life, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol lets out a chuckle, “Then what do I got to lose?”

‘ _ You? Nothing’  _ Baekhyun thought to himself,

‘ _ But me? Everything.’  _

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

“So,” Baekhyun spoke as he leaned against the counter in front of Chanyeol, “After you’re done with college, what type of job are you planning to get with your  _ oh-so-amazing _ humanities degree?” The bar was only full of a few people at this time of day and the more people to tend to, the more Baekhyun talked.  _ Comfortable _ in this space, he felt the safest at his job. 

And talking was surely something they were doing more nowadays. Time has passed since the unexpected clinic meet-up and the two stuck to the words of their newly found friendship. Surprisingly, they got along more than it seemed. The bickering was just a bonus of a friendship where you feel like a 60-year-old married couple instead. 

“You know,” Chanyeol looks up from his drink, “I honestly haven’t thought that far.”

“Chanyeol, you graduate in a few months and still haven’t decided a job?”

“Hey! You’re a bartender in a city bar, I don’t want some life choice speech from you whatsoever.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “At least I know what I’m doing in life, what I’ll be doing the next day and the day after. Don’t you feel... _ scared _ being so careless with your future?”

A quick swig fueled the latter’s incoming answer, “...No.”

“No?”

“Look, I just haven’t found a job listing I’m motivated for.”

The small bartender sprayed down the other side of the island, wiping down all the spilled alcohol and tears of drunkards away, “Hm, there’s tons of things. Journalist, management, counseling-”  _ A pause _ , “Actually you’d be a pretty hot-” and yet another, as Baekhyun cut himself off, “I mean, you’d be a pretty  _ good _ counselor.”

The taller brushed off Baekhyun’s attempt to catch him off guard to become flustered, a theme consistent with his playful personality. “Me? A counselor? Baekhyun, I drink every week to wash my worries away, I am the last person that someone would want to be guided by.”

“Well, what about a journalist?” Baekhyun continues to suggest.

“Ah yes! let me write my own biography on how my  _ interesting”  _ Hint the sarcasm, “life consisted of drinking, working, and talking to a twink at the bar until dawn.”  __

The bartender stopped wiping down the table as he looked over at the other, a small shrug following, “I’d read it.”

“Oh, you’re so full of shit.”

“As I’ve been told.” Baekhyun and his slick tongue were back at it once more, “I’m just saying, maybe you could write some interesting shit. You’re quite nosey anyways, why not be a part of the nosiest people alive and become a journalist?” Baekhyun mentions as he turns to tend to another customer’s order, not hesitating to start making the drink the moment asked.

Taking the last sip of his drink, rum and coke with a sprinkle of the magic touch Baekhyun has when making alcoholic drinks, “What about you?” Chanyeol questions, “I know you probably didn’t grow up wanting to make drinks for divorcee’s and low lives all day long. So, what did you want to do?”

“My one and only dream job are here, Chanyeol! Why would you think otherwise?” Baekhyun with cheerful sarcasm laced in his tone answers as he slid the newly made drink to the customer, “Seriously, I didn’t really have much of a dream.” The smaller replied, yet, Chanyeol wouldn’t back down, “Oh come on, every child had a dream job growing up.”

The smaller sighed as he leaned against the table, head in hand and in front of the taller, “You’re a pain in the ass you know?” He bites down on his lip as he hesitates with his next words, “I wanted to work in a greenhouse or garden.”

“A greenhouse? So, you wanted to be a gardener?”

“As a child, I really enjoyed flowers and nature in general, it’s something I found peace in,” Baekhyun looks down, drawing circles into the bar island with his free hand, “I still do.”

In his darkest times, Baekhyun would always reminisce on his memories of gardening with his mother. Which, for him was his happiest moments as a child. The bartender can recall naming off all the names of the flowers him and his mother would plant, desperate to memorize their names and all their qualities to impress her.

Chanyeol notices Baekhyun’s ivory cheeks tinting as he spoke until he furrowed his eyebrows, “But it’s stupid. I know you don’t have to tell me.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol tried to intervene yet the smaller kept going on his rants “I know it doesn’t seem stable or something to make a living off but I just-“

“Baekhyun, I think that’s beautiful.” Chanyeol intercepted, quick to end those negative thoughts.

The bartender looked up at the other, blinking in disbelief, “You  _ what _ ?” The latter continued, “You’re clearly passionate about the idea. So, It’s…” He tried his best to avoid the word that he blurted out, “... _ interesting _ to me.” Chanyeol eyes locked with the others, “But what made you not go for it?”

Baekhyun looked down at the sleeve of Chanyeol’s sweater, desperate to keep his mind off of the bitter memories threatening to resurface as he explained, “My father was always against it.” He spoke in a soft tone, only loud enough for Chanyeol’s ears, “He was always too tough on me. Blamed my mother for ‘softening me up’ he’d say.” His fingers played with the ending hem of Chanyeol’s sleeve as he continued

and Chanyeol didn’t mind it one bit.

Taking notice of how small Baekhyun became when talking about his personal life despite normally he flourished with his big personality and mouth was a sight Chanyeol hasn’t seen so raw in the few weeks they’ve been talking. “I see, I’m sorry if I brought up unwanted memories.” Chanyeol apologizes as he looks at the bartender whose eyes were still glued fumbling with his sweater.

“But,” This word makes Baekhyun’s curious eyes flicker up, “I wish you would have been able to follow through with your dreams.” Baekhyun gives a sad smile, “I’ve accepted it long ago, Park.”

“Time isn’t out, you know?”

The bartender shook his head, “The day I become some twink gardener living my best life will be the day you finally swallow your pride and become the nosey journalist you’re destined to be.” Baekhyun chuckles, the sudden frazzled, gloomy bartender disappearing right before his eyes. Watching as the other lifted himself up from the table to attend to another customer.

-

Two days have passed, and it was just in time for Chanyeol to down booze and talk to the smart-mouthed asshole named Byun Baekhyun once more. A time he usually yearned for at the end of the day, a confession that’d never slip from his lips, of course. The last thing Byun Baekhyun needs is something else to mock Chanyeol about.

Yet, life decided on this very day to drag Chanyeol through hell.

Work in the morning, full of  _ bitchy  _ customers begging for their 8 am coffee. God knows, Karen who ordered a chai latte with two creams and a splash of milk gets a  _ tiny  _ more milk than asked and goes berserk on him.

Chanyeol’s day doesn’t stop there when finally getting to school after a horrible morning shift, late to his Philosophy lecture only to find out he bombed the latest test in the class, one the latter thought he did his best on.

On top of this and the shit weather that followed that contributed to soak his bag and all his work contained in it, you can say Park Chanyeol wasn’t in the best of moods.

“Hey, jolly green giant,” Baekhyun called out, mid-way while making a customer her drink. With no reply from Chanyeol and a quick sling of his drenched bag to ground as Chanyeol took a seat on the uncomfortable bar stools.

Handing the customer her margarita, Baekhyun didn’t wait for a second more to swift his way to the other. “Want your regular?” The bartender questions him with only a nod from the taller to confirm his question.

Baekhyun started to make the heavenly mixture of rum and coke, “You look like hell, Chanyeol.” He speaks, filling the glass with an ounce and half with rum, adding a smidge more than usual since the latter looked like he needed it.

“I just got back,” Chanyeol spoke in a worn-out tone.

“Rough day?”

Again, another nod followed. He didn’t feel like talking. Nothing against Baekhyun but, the thought of Chanyeol putting more energy towards something right now was draining to even think about.

Park Chanyeol was absolutely exhausted.

Tired of this day, the rest of this week, and frankly at this moment, what the rest of life had in store for him. Struggling to find passion in a world you haven’t liked for a long time is quite difficult.

It seemed his problems kept piling up more, not just this shit day he was having.

Everything felt boring, bland, and down-right horrible at this point. Sure, maybe he was graduating soon but will the handling of his diploma solve life's problems?  _ Hell no, it won’t.  _ It was like he continuously followed this same routine daily.

Wake up, go to work at a crummy job where he made just enough to skid by, go to school to get a diploma that he has no clue what you want to do with, drink, and complain.

_ Repeat _ . 

And god, he was tired of hitting that ‘repeat’ button.

Baekhyun placed Chanyeol’s drink in front of him, “You can talk to me, you know?” His tone surprisingly not playful for once, “I know I’m an asshole to you 98% of the time, but hey, I’ve been told I give great advice.”

Chanyeol looks up at the bartender as he sips his drink, a quick roll of his eyes in response.

“Doubt it all you want but it’s true!” Baekhyun attempted to play around with the other, hoping to get a rise out of him like usual. Yet, Baekhyun’s expression softened when he realized maybe this was a serious matter and he was not handling this great  _ at all. _

Chanyeol was grateful the bar wasn’t full tonight.

A small sigh leaving plump lips, “Look, whatever happened today and however it made you feel it isn’t a permanent thing. We all have those good and bad days,” He gazed at the other whose head was turned to the side, leaning on his palm for support, and eyes glued to anywhere else but Byun Baekhyun right now. “And sometimes, those bad days come more than others. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep pushing forward.”

Chanyeol listened to Baekhyun’s words yet his mind was too cloudy to process them fully. He was desperate to find a splash of color in his life, a motivation to keep moving forward as Baekhyun suggested.

Eyebrows furrowing as the bartender continued, “You have to keep trying and trying to find that need to keep going but it’ll come to you, I promise that. Especially when you least expect it.” Yet the other kept looking away and Baekhyun was fearing his words weren’t even going through to him, “Are you listening? Chanyeol?”

But what the hell does Park Chanyeol know? Would he ever find that?

Hell, would he even know his will to keep going even if it stared him straight in the face?

But, Jesus Christ does he wish it could.

Chanyeol felt a pair of cold hands, cupping on each side of his cheeks; the touch was gentle and sweet. His head being turned back to stare directly at a slightly flustered, serious Byun Baekhyun, “Are you even listening to what I’m saying to you, asshole?” The bartender speaks, regretting the nickname instantly as his expression relaxed, “Everything will be okay, Chanyeol. No matter what, so don’t worry, okay?”

_ …. Well, I’ll be damned. _

Chanyeol froze, blinking as he stared at the bartender whose rosy cheeks stood out more than usual and soft hands fell from Chanyeol’s face, “I’m sorry if I startled you.” Baekhyun mumbles an apology, yet, Chanyeol couldn’t conjure up any words to sputter out in his defense. ‘ _ Maybe this is a way to find it _ .’ Chanyeol thought to himself. He just knew he couldn’t let this opportunity slip away from him. It was worth the shot, right?

With the quick grab of Baekhyun’s hand once pulled away hand causing a confused bartender to turn around and stare back at him. Chanyeol finally spoke up, “Do- Do you work tomorrow?” Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows, “No. Why?”

“Meet me at  Gyeongchun Subway Station by the vending machines at 12 pm.”

Baekhyun let out a breathless laugh, “What? Why?” Panic settling in once his brain processed the unexpected invite.  _ Jaegeun _ . “Chanyeol, I can’t-”

Baekhyun was already breaking the rules by still talking to Chanyeol behind Jaegeun’s back if he found out he also went somewhere with him? Hell would break loose.

His grip fell from Baekhyun’s hands as he reached down to grab his bag off the bar floor, “You can, Baekhyun.”

_ ‘I can but is it worth the risk?’ _

“Fine but, I-I can’t be out that long.” 

“I promise, you won’t.” Chanyeol looked over at him, his bag strap swung over his shoulder. A small smile resting on his lips before walking out, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Baekhyun.”

The bartender watched as the _‘tall fuck’,_ a new nickname granted to Chanyeol in Baekhyun’s head after what he just pulled on him. A sigh leaving his lips as he moved along to clean up Chanyeol’s unfinished drink, “The asshole could of at least paid.” Baekhyun huffed as he poured out the liquor.

Yet, the smaller can’t say he wasn’t curious about what the other had in store for him. He was lucky Jaegeun wouldn’t be home tomorrow until late tomorrow.

-

Chanyeol made his way down the stairway leading down to the underground subway. Bag on his back and one headphone dangling down his torso as the other was playing soft beats into his ear to help control his nervous thoughts.

After Chanyeol got back to this apartment, he felt anxiousness crawl up his body. A million questions filling his mind regarding if he went about it in a good manner and wonder if he was too pushy on Baekhyun. These thoughts kept him stirring throughout the night as he’s felt the guilt of possibly pressuring the other to come. The only thing soothing these thoughts was the chance to hang out with Baekhyun outside of the bar for once, trying something different and breaking the usual routine that drained him daily.

Maybe it’ll do some good?

Chanyeol could only hope.

He spotted the smaller whose hands were stuffed in his hoodie pockets, glancing around to spot the latter any second. Once his gaze fell on him, Chanyeol watched his expression soften as anxiety melted from it, “Finally, you’re here.”

“I’m not even late.”

“Ten minutes late actually.”

Chanyeol glanced down at his phone, looking at the time, “There was traffic!” Well, if you consider that ‘traffic’ being Chanyeol changing his outfit a million times making sure he was wearing the appropriate attire for the day out.

“Traffic where? On the stairs, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “Where are we going anyways?”

“That’s a surprise.”

Baekhyun scrunched his eyebrows together, curiosity filling his gaze yet he hid it in his tone, “I hate surprises.”

“Too bad. It’s still a surprise and you’ll love it, Hyunee.”

“Oh? Well,” Chanyeol looked over as the 12:15 subway train rolled up, his eyes looking back over to the smaller, “That's our train, let’s go.” He spoke as the other walked behind him, boarding the train and lucky enough to find seats just in time.

**[suggested song to play during this scene: ‘miles apart’ by nick wilson]**

Baekhyun plopped down next to the other, shoulders bumping into each other as it was a tight fit, everyone was rushing to grab a seat. Chanyeol glanced down at the dangling headphone as he picked it up, looking over at the other, “Want to listen with me?” Baekhyun eyes shifted from the singular headphone to Chanyeol’s face, “Sure but why do I feel like you’re the type of guy to listen to edgy shit?”

Chanyeol lets out a small chuckle, “Just take it, Baekhyun.” He watches as Baekhyun reaches out to grab the headphone and place it in his ear.

Soft beats filled his ears and Baekhyun slowly began to relax to the song.

The beats were fulfilling enough to occupy their minds on the quiet subway ride, reaching their destination not too long after a few stops.

Chanyeol guided Baekhyun off the subway, making their way up the stairs back out into the busy world, “So, are we close to this secret destination or far still?” Baekhyun questions as he comes beside the taller.

“Hm, not too far. Not too close.”

“You're really keen on not giving any hints, aren’t you?”

“Seeing the fact, I really want to take you here, yes,” Chanyeol replies. Baekhyun huffs, eyes glancing around to see if he identifies any of their surroundings, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t even think he’s been to this side of town before.

“Then let’s play hot or cold.” Baekhyun suggests as Chanyeol laughs, “What are we, Baekhyun? 5-year old’s?” The taller replies.

“I’m curious as hell and willing to be thought of like a 5-year-old if it means I get somewhat of an idea of where we are heading.” Baekhyun presses watching as the other gave in.

“And you call me the nosey one?  _ Fine _ , start.” Chanyeol agrees as Baekhyun quickly glances around, taking the sight of an ice cream parlor, “Hot or cold?”

“Cold.” Chanyeol replies as Baekhyun whips his head around again, eyes falling on a small carnival nearby, “Hot or cold?”

“Still cold, Baekhyun.”

The smaller huffs as the walk a bit farther he attempts once more, “Hot or cold?” He asks in hopes their destination being the art museum whose sign gawked at Baekhyun up ahead.

“Hm, medium now. But not the place you think.” Chanyeol looks over at the other, “Are you that restless?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re something else,” Chanyeol laughs, “Don’t worry we’re almost there.” A few more minutes walking down the narrow paths of the city sidewalks as Chanyeol finally makes a turn into a park, “Hot now?” Chanyeol replies, “Just about.”

Baekhyun trails beside the taller as he glances around the park as they make their way down the windy paths, “You took me across the city to see a park?”

“We’re not there yet, this is a shortcut.”

Baekhyun quiets down as he continues to follow along, watching as they momentarily approach a small white building with a little window on the side. Chanyeol approaches the small window, “Ah, two tickets please.”

Chanyeol reaches into his pocket to grab his wallet, pulling out a $20 to hand to the worker. It was the last of his money for this week, but, he knew this was worth spending it. “Chanyeol, what is this?” He heard Baekhyun’s quiet voice speak behind him as he tugs on his sleeve, “You’ll see in just a second.” Chanyeol reassured the other as he took the two general admission tickets, walking up to the small gate to hand them to the gatekeeper.

She gave the two a smile, “Thank you.” the worker spoke as she opened the small gate and the two walked in. Baekhyun’s gaze fell upon the multiple bursts of colors that filled the small fields ahead of them, lining the paths they will walk, reflecting in the stream water that splits the ground, “Is this...”

“A botanical garden? Yeah.”

“Chanyeol..” Baekhyun gapes at the latter in complete awe as the other keeps walking, “C’mon, let’s keep going. There are tons to see!” The taller speaks as Baekhyun shuffles behind.

Head shifting back and forth as Baekhyun gazed at the beautiful red poppies and white daisies placed perfectly along the path, “Chanyeol, you really shouldn’t have...”

“I wanted to. After our conversation the other night, the idea popped up in my head and I haven’t been able to get it out of it.” Chanyeol gleams as the past the white french styled gazebos, “I’ve been here a few times, it’s peaceful and very colorful. It’s a place I thought...” He looks over at him, “...I thought you deserved to be at.”

Baekhyun was completely speechless, not uttering another word as they made their way across a small bridge placed over the stream full of lily pads and koi fish the size of his head, “Chanyeol.” Baekhyun firmly spoke as he halted mid-way across the bridge, reaching out to tug the other’s sleeve, making him halt, “This is really nice, maybe a bit too nice for someone who's always an asshole to you. Are you sure about this?”

“We’re assholes to each other, that’s just how our friendship works, I suppose.” He smiles, “Also, I’ve never been surer about anything than this, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun, whose breath was caught in his throat and cheeks prickling with heat opened his mouth to say something until Chanyeol glanced over the bridge and expression brightened, “Ah, look!”

The taller looks over the bridge. hands gripping the railing as he looked down at the pond below and Baekhyun following behind a moment after, “There must be more Koi fish this season, I’ve never seen this many!” Chanyeol speaks as they stare out at the multiple reds and oranges that fill the crystal water, “Do you like Koi fish?” Baekhyun asks as he looks down at them,

“They’re my favorite.” Chanyeol replies with a warm smile on his lips, lifting his head up to look up the stream, “Oh yeah. This is what I wanted to show you the most, come on!” He reaches to grab Baekhyun’s uninjured wrist as the smaller followed the other’s trail, as they reached an opening in the path.

An opening full of beautiful white roses and wide stone lily-pads, floating above the water made a small pathway through the stream to the other side. “This looks like a death trap.” Baekhyun laughs as he looks at Chanyeol, “and I can guarantee I’m going to probably fall right into the water.”

“Oh c’mon. It’s super easy to walk across, I promise!” Chanyeol swears as he steps forward, taking a small leap one foot first onto the beginning lily-pad pathway, “See?”

“I’m just waiting on you to fall face first into the water.”

“You’re no fun.” Chanyeol pouts, talking to the other as he steps forward to the second stone. “Oh shit.” He bites back a mischievous grin. Chanyeol wobbles to the side a bit, pretending to almost fall over.

Baekhyun’s face instantly flushed as panic painted his expression, “Chanyeol!” He didn’t hesitate to quickly step forward onto the first stone, reaching out to grab Chanyeol’s arm to balance him. Not a second thought going through his mind and his small fear completely forgotten, “Are you okay? I told you that you’d fall- “

“I knew that’d work.” Chanyeol gleams as Baekhyun’s grip falls from the latter’s arm, “And what do you mean by that?” Baekhyun questions him.

“How else would I get you out here? I think I’m more surprised you’d even try to save me. I figured you’d rather watch me down.” The taller grins as he moves forward to the next few stones ahead, afraid that Baekhyun would  _ definitely _ push him in now.

“You’re such a dick.” Baekhyun whose eyebrows were furrowed, and small fists balled at his side

“A  _ thoughtful _ dick,” Chanyeol added in.  Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he glanced down, making the quick move to continue to move along to the next stone.

“See! It’s easy I told you- “

“Shut up, Yeol. I’m trying to focus.”

Chanyeol skipped his way to end of the water pathway, swiftly turning around to watch Baekhyun slowly make his way over. The smaller watched as the multiple Koi fish circled around the stones, the colors were so mesmerizing that the smaller almost forgot he was standing in the middle of a pond. Baekhyun continues his path until he’s at his last stone, noticing the distance between land and the stone was a bit wider.

“Here.” Chanyeol leaned over and reached out his hands to Baekhyun whose eyes shifted from the reflecting, crystal water to the hands reaching out for him. Being mindful that Baekhyun still had a brace on. “I can trust you this time right?” Baekhyun laughs watching as a confident Chanyeol nods, “Of course. I’d never let you fall, Baek.”

“Not sure If I completely trust that but for now? I’ll take it.” The bartender’s face reflecting his focus as he grabs the other’s hands tightly and makes a small leap back to land. Chanyeol’s hands tightly holding Baekhyun’s as he helped tug him to safety just in case.

“See? I told you.”

“Yes, I know. You’re now officially my knight and shining armor. Thank you for your service in helping a prince in distress.” Baekhyun sarcastically spoke, always being a storyteller with his jokes.

“A prince? Boosting your ego much?” Chanyeol chuckles. “What? Don’t think I have the looks fit for a prince?” Baekhyun spoke as he pushed his narrative longer.

“Hm, that’s something I’ll keep to myself.”

“It’s okay. I know the truth anyways, Park.” Baekhyun gleamed as they both were in fits of laughter towards the end. Chanyeol never questioned why he carried on Baekhyun’s bizarre conversations half of the time yet, the other didn’t seem to mind it.

The moment passed as their eyes lingered on each other a bit longer than usual, yet no awkwardness grew from the encounter. It natural and welcoming.  But time does have to move on at some point.

“Oh, sorry. I guess we were caught in the moment.” Chanyeol apologizes as he pulls his hands away from the grip of Baekhyun’s. Heat prickles his cheeks yet the skinship was not something he was  _ truly _ sorry about.  But, the sight of Baekhyun’s relaxed expression following with a small smile, “Don’t worry about it.”

-

Chanyeol dragged the other to a nearby gazebo, beautifully placed in the middle of the lilies planted around it. “I figured you may be hungry.” He speaks as he takes the bag off his back, placing it on the bench beside him. He continues, “I’m sorry if it’s not a lot, low on money this week.” Chanyeol pulls out two pre-packed sandwiches, two semi-cold beers he made sure to pull out of his fridge before leaving this morning, and two single cupcakes topped with pink icing Chanyeol got for a 2 for 1 deal at his local store.

“Hm? well, it’s not like I was expecting you to pull out some filet mignon. It’s no problem.” Baekhyun comments yet pauses, hesitating for the lingering question begging to slip from his lips, “I do wonder though, Chanyeol.” He continued, gaining the attention of the taller, 

“You have a job, a full-ride to university, and probably a studio apartment that probably doesn’t cost half as much as your salary monthly. Where does all your money go to?” The smaller question him, not intending for it to sound as harsh as it did. Baekhyun had no intention to be rude, but he’ll admit his curiosity has gotten the best of him the past few days.

Chanyeol tilted his head a bit, “Hm, what do you mean?”

“You always wear worn-out clothes and eat as you can hardly afford it when I feel like that’s the opposite, I’ve just been curious as of why.” The latter placed the beers down, “You’re quite bold to ask that. I’m a bit taken back, honestly.” He laughed nervously, “But, I guess I don’t mind answering.”

Being the bastard child of a mother who was only 17 at the time wasn’t the ideal situation for his family that was full of perfectionists and hypocrites. Chanyeol’s mother was all on her own when taking care of him, no aid from her family or his biological father. As far as he could remember she’d always jump from house to house with him. This was a constant cycle until she saved enough money to purchase a small apartment for the two of them. Despite things going uphill for the small family, the stresses of her overwhelming responsibilities got the best of her.

Falling into the life of booze, he watched as his mom spiraled for years. Yet, he never once considered her a bad mother. Though riddled with bad tendencies, she was a loving mother who just couldn’t handle the life she signed up for. Chanyeol was always patient with her and this patience remains to this day. But, witnessing this from a young age, it was no surprise to him when he saw himself mimicking her patterns he witnessed as a child up until he was an adult. Yet, unlike her, he could handle it, well, for the most part.  It wasn’t something he was letting completely dictate his life...

...Sort of?

“Most of my money goes towards my mother.”

“Oh, do you help her out with rent or something? That’s sweet, Yeol.”

“Well, it’s not in that way- “

Months ago, Chanyeol convinced his mother to go into rehab after years and years of alcoholism. He knew it was eating her alive and for him to stand on the sidelines and continue to watch her destroy herself? It wasn’t something he could withstand much longer. Yet, his mother was still poor. Only ever having enough money to provide herself enough for her rent and minimum groceries.

“I  _ kind of _ just pay for her rehabilitation funds.”

“ _ Oh.” _

“She’s been there for a few months now and can’t afford it on her own. I want her to get help, I don’t mind at all paying for it.” Chanyeol mentions as he continues, “She did everything she could for me as a kid, so, I feel like I need to repay her a bit.”

Baekhyun was taken back by the unraveling explanation and he instantly felt guilt twist in his gut, “I’m sorry for asking,” He bites down on his lower lip, “Sometimes, I speak without thinking. But I am glad she’s getting help, Chanyeol.”

The latter shakes his head, “No, it’s fine. I was planning to explain it to you someday anyways.” Feeling the tension lift as Baekhyun’s frown twisted into a small grin, “ _ Ohoh _ , telling me your riveting, tragic backstory?”

The taller laughed, “Yeah, something like that.”

“I bet I will definitely beat you in that department.”

“Oh really?”

“ _ Really.” _

Chanyeol handed Baekhyun his sandwich, “You mentioned to me you liked ham, right?” Chanyeol asked as Baekhyun took the sandwich, nodding again silently in awe. Baekhyun can’t pinpoint the last time someone did  _ so much  _ for him? Even if this doesn’t seem like a lot to a regular person. He has been isolated for so long boarded up with a person so full of hatred, the smaller forgot how it felt to be listened to and treated nicely.

“Yeah, I did.” Baekhyun speaks as pull back the wrapping on the sandwich, “So, you made these?”

“Yeah, it’s the very bare minimum of cooking I can do.”

“You sure? I don’t want to be poisoned.” Baekhyun teased as he took a bite out of the corner first.

Chanyeol staring at the other as Baekhyun scrunched his eyebrows together as he chewed, speaking after he swallowed, “What are you looking at?”

“Well, is it good?”

“I don’t see how you can fuck up a sandwich, Yeol.” Baekhyun speaks until he noticed the other wasn’t backing down, “Yes, it is.” and there was a sudden wave of relief washed over Chanyeol’s face.

“Ah, I’m glad.” He speaks as he sits back, unwrapping his own sandwich now.

After downing the small meal, popping open the beers, and biting into the sugary cupcakes whose pink dye stained their lips. They both starred out to the fields behind them as they sat on the gazebo inner bench.

“Narcissuses.” Baekhyun points out as he takes a sip, Chanyeol looked over at him in confusion.

“Excuse me, what?” And watches as the other chuckles, “Daffodils, they are all over the field as well, my favorite flower.” Baekhyun continues to gaze over the mesmerizing yellow. “Ah, Is Narcissus the scientific name for them?” Chanyeol questions as Baekhyun’s tilted his head to the side, “You actually want to hear about that stuff?” The smaller laughs after, “I’ll bore you to death.” Baekhyun takes another small sip from the beer.

“No, I won’t! Trust me, I’m interested.” Chanyeol tries to convince the bartender and after minutes of endless begging. Baekhyun gave in and sighed in defeat as he continued, “Narcissuses are a part of the Amaryllidaceous family. It’s typically a spring plant, which is rolling around about this time of year...” He shifts in his seat to get more comfortable, “Actually, people say Narcissuses are named after a Greek myth.”

“And what’s the myth?”

Baekhyun laughed, “Are you serious?” Completely baffled how  _ interested _ the other seemed.

“Completely serious.”

Baekhyun leaned back against the wood of the gazebo as he decided to continue, “People say there once was a man named Narcissus. He was a very handsome man, gifted with beauty by the Greek gods. Yet, his only flaw was Narcissus could never look at his reflection. Once, he couldn't resist and gazed at his image in the reflection of a lake. Greek gods punished him for vanity by morphing him into a Daffodil.” Baekhyun explained as he examined Chanyeol's expression as he spoke about the nonsense, he was passionate about.

Expecting to find glimpses of boredom and fake interest, yet, he found that there was nothing but curiosity and innocence upon his expression as he bit into the cupcake, pink icing sticking to his lips.

“I never would think a flower would have such a captivating backstory.” Chanyeol gaped in awe, “So, what about this flower?” He gazed out of the gazebo and points to the crimson poppies, “Do they have a backstory? A special name as well?”

“Papaver rhoeas.”

“Papav-what?” Chanyeol tried to repeat the name yet clearly failed. Baekhyun cracked a smile, “They are hard to pronounce right? Even harder to remember them.” The smaller gleamed.

“And a mythological backstory?” Chanyeol questions once more.

“Hm, not sure if there is one. But I know the seeds contain opium alkaloids if taking a drug test after ingesting them it could make you fail it.”

“So, they’re drugs?!”

“ _ Well _ \- “

And Baekhyun swore he talked Chanyeol’s ear off as he continued to ramble for the next hour, feeling guilty once the smaller noticed how much time has passed.

Baekhyun came to a halt in the conversation, “I’m sorry, I got carried away.” He gave apologized to the other with a nervous smile, “Told you I’d bore you.” Yet, Chanyeol just scrunched his eyebrows together, “What? You didn’t bore me. I listened to every word.” The latter speaks as Baekhyun doesn’t believe a single bit of it, “And I was wondering if you could tell me more about it on our way back in a bit?” Chanyeol asks the other.

“You want to hear more?”

“Always!”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure how to feel about what just developed over the past hour. All he knew was that he felt an overwhelming amount of happiness growing in him, something he hasn’t felt in so long.

-

After their small lunch, the two made their ways to glimpse at the small fields full of different flowers, all their colors musing together perfectly.

Baekhyun carried on slipping small facts of the flowers they gazed upon and the two-exchanging small, irrelevant stories as they walked around. “These...” Baekhyun crouched down as Chanyeol followed, pointing at the plant sporting white as it faded to yellow towards the middle, “...are called Lilium.”

“You mean lilies?”

“Lilium is their- “

“Oh yeah, the scientific name!” Chanyeol answered quickly.

Baekhyun smiled, “Yeah. My mother and I would plant these all over her garden. They were her favorite.” The bartender said as he watched Chanyeol crouched down beside him, brush his fingertips against the soft petals of the lily.

“Lilies represent many symbolic meanings. Yet to her, she said they represent love and purity. Something she prayed every night that I’d be blessed with.” Baekhyun explained as he watched the other touch the flower. “Too bad, I don’t think it worke-“Baekhyun stopped mid-sentence as Chanyeol’s sleeve slipped up, his eyes falling upon the purple bruise tattooing the latter’s wrist.

In the same exact place as his.

His eyes gawked at the wound and froze for a few seconds. Baekhyun’s mind went blank as he tried to process the sight. Chanyeol noticing a few seconds after as the latter turned his head to look at Baekhyun. Seeing the smaller’s curious eyes flashing back down to his wrist, “Oh that’s...”

“Chanyeol, nobody is hurting you, right?” The smaller blurted out.

The last thing Baekhyun wanted was for someone who was rare and pure like Park Chanyeol to get treated like he does. Just the thought of someone putting their hands on the other saddens him deeply. The bartender was confused why it made his heart tremble at the thought but blamed it on his experience and concerns.

“Ah, no.” Chanyeol attempted to reassure the other, “Recently, I’ve been having this problem where a lot of these...” He continues to speak as Baekhyun hesitantly brushed his fingers over the wound. Chanyeol finishes, “just keep popping up...”

“Y-You don’t have to lie, it’s okay w-we can maybe call the p-police? No, wait…t _ hey won’t help _ . That’ll only make it worse...” Baekhyun rambled. The sight triggering him, sending his body into a trembling state.

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol quickly pulled his arm away from the others trembling grasp as he grabbed his hand. “Nobody is hurting me. Which is why I was at the doctor's a few days back.” Chanyeol starts to explain himself, “I think I may have a blood condition, or that’s what my doctor wants me tested for.” The student’s attempts to reassure the other.

“A-Are you sure?”

“Yes, completely. Nobody is hurting me, I promise.”

Chanyeol swore to the other as he saw Baekhyun slowly and visibly calm down. Coming off the high of disbelief and bad memories. The smaller nodded a few seconds past by before another question fell from his lips. “Does it hurt?”

Chanyeol smiles softly at him, “No, not at all. That’s another weird aspect of it. Sometimes I feel pressure, that’s it.” Again, Baekhyun just nodded and Chanyeol could tell he was very frazzled.

“Hey? Maybe I know something that’ll make you feel better.” Chanyeol suggested as he watched Baekhyun’s eyes look over at him, tilting his head slightly and a curious glimmer in his eyes.

“Wait right here. Don’t move, okay?” The taller spoke as he stood up, leaving Baekhyun alone for a few minutes. Watching as the latter came back with a small ceramic pot in his hand and a small garden shovel.

“What are you doing with that?”

“You’ll see.”

Chanyeol’s eyes landed on the lily they were talking about earlier as he slowly pushed the shovel into the soil, gently pushing up to take the Lily out of the ground.

“Chanyeol, are you allowed to do that?” Yet, Baekhyun’s continuous questions fell upon deaf ears.

The other placed the Lily in the small orange pot and without hesitation handed it to Baekhyun, “It’s yours now.”

“What?”

“The garden here let you pick a flower of your choice to take home for free.” Chanyeol explained, “And Lillie’s brings you good memories, so, I think you should take it.” He watched as Baekhyun’s eyes flickered down to the pot he held in his hands, a small smile spreading on his lips.

-

It wasn’t too long after when Baekhyun glanced at the time and told Chanyeol he had to head home. He cursed Jaegeun in the back of his mind for cutting their day short. But his boyfriend would be home soon and he prefers the bartender being there when he is unless Baekhyun is working. And the smaller just isn’t in the mood for a fight...

...or bruises.

Chanyeol scooted over on the train to let Baekhyun sit next to him, the small pot still cupped in his hands. He couldn’t pinpoint the overflow of feelings he had felt today. He’s experienced so much that he hasn’t in a  _ long, long _ time.

Baekhyun just knew, at this moment, he was bursting with happiness and full of positivity. Is this Chanyeol’s effect when they’re not bickering at each other? It was nice.

_ Really nice. _

Nice to the point Baekhyun questioned his true intentions with Chanyeol at this point. The smaller mentioned he only wanted to be his friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

But, if that’s so, why does his heart tremble at the thought of their hands interlocked once more? The sweet smiles he flashes at him? The kind words he graces Baekhyun with? Yet, he quickly shook the thought away from his mind. Reminding himself he’s with Jaegeun and that he loved him...right?

Baekhyun thinks so.

Byun Baekhyun loves Kim Jaegeun.

_ Right _ ?

“Let me walk you home.” Chanyeol insisted as they walked up to the subway stairs, making their way back to familiar streets and sidewalks. “It’s okay, I can handle myself.” Baekhyun attempts to reassure the other.

“I’m not saying you can’t, but the sun is setting. I don’t want you to walk in the dark.” With that, Baekhyun bit down on his lower lip, noticing the sky was a mixture of orange and yellows in the sky.

Chanyeol walking him home could oppose a big risk of Jaegeun seeing him. With a quick glance at his phone, he noticed Jaegeun shouldn’t be off just yet.

They can probably make it and truthfully, Would Baekhyun  _ really _ mind spending just a little more time with Chanyeol?

“Fine.”

That should answer your question.

Baekhyun led Chanyeol to his house, blocks away from the subway. “Do you want me to hold the pot for a bit?” Chanyeol asked, “I feel bad you’ve held it through the entire subway ride.”

“No, it’s okay.” Baekhyun replies as he glances down at the Lily, “I want to keep it close.” A genuine smile radiated off of Chanyeol’s lips, “I’m glad you like it.” He continues, “Where are you going to place it in your apartment?”

“By the window sill, so it can absorb all the sunlight it can. I’ll make sure to water it every morning.”

Silence settled between them until Chanyeol spoke up again, “It’s weird,” He looks over at Baekhyun, “We haven’t really bickered today.” A laugh escaping his lips.

“You’re right. See what happens when we actually get along?” Baekhyun ends his sentence with a smile.

“We always get along, you know that. Just usually in a ‘ _ we’ve been married for 30 years and don’t think divorce is an option anymore _ ’ type of way.”

“Yeah, and you’re definitely the nagging wife.” Baekhyun teases, “And you’re the arrogant husband.” Chanyeol played along with the joke.

Everything between always felt... _ natural _ . Even when their friendship has only started to blossom in the past weeks. These types of jokes seemed to flow between them with no awkwardness lingering, conversations went even better.

Baekhyun wondered just what he did to deserve this in his life. Just by looking in Chanyeol’s eyes and the way the latter is so smooth with his words when speaking to him. He speaks as if Baekhyun deserves the world.

Jaegeun always told him otherwise. He’d go from whispering the sweetest nothings into the shell of his ear as he’d pull Baekhyun close to him at night. Yet, the moment Baekhyun retaliated, an argument would stir up over little events, or a bottle touches Jaegeun’s lips.

Everything would go to hell.

The vilest words would be spat in Baekhyun’s face following with violent strikes. Jaegeun would always make sure Baekhyun amounted to nothing in the end and he was always successful of it. In the beginning, Baekhyun fought back. He’d push Jaegeun back and he’d deny his insults, refusing to let the words cut him deep.

But, Jaegeun was always stronger.

And Baekhyun got tired of taking on a fight he would never win.

The words started to settle into him, intoxicating his mind, and putting him on this endless high of self-destruction. Baekhyun didn’t hold himself as highly as he seemed to Chanyeol. To Chanyeol, Baekhyun was confident, slick at the tongue, and feisty. He took nobody’s shit.

And actually, Baekhyun truly was like that. Until all of that was snatched away from him, but, the smaller always had to put on a show. He had to make sure nobody knew what was wrong and if that resulted in him putting on a mask to do so? So be it.

And when those around him did notice this act? Baekhyun would have to cut them off.

Afraid of the judgment. Afraid of the humiliation. Most importantly, afraid of the aftermath of Jaegeun if they even dared tried to report him.

Yet, with Chanyeol, Baekhyun didn’t feel like he was putting on a show. At first? Yes, of course, he was. Back then Chanyeol was a mere stranger, another background character in his play. Baekhyun didn’t expect for that background character to turn into something more.

After today, Baekhyun didn’t find himself holding up his mask. He felt like he was himself again. How he was years before meeting Jaegeun, he felt free and at peace with himself after so long of  _ not _ being okay after his childhood. Not shamed for his likes, his personality, and existence no longer.

Chanyeol erupted something within the smaller that nobody has been able to bring out of him for the past two years.

Well, until now.

Baekhyun knows it won’t last that once Jaegeun gets home. He’s so scared of this feeling disappearing, he wanted to make it as memorable as possible.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun speaks up, “Thank you so much for today.” His eyes glued on the pot clutched in his hand. They began to approach the small porch in front of the apartment complex. “It’s been a while since I’ve actually had the time to go out and enjoy stuff like that.” Quick to back up his story, “With work, I don’t typically have time like that.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m glad I got to take you.” Chanyeol gleamed as they walked up to the entrance. “Can you hold this for a moment?” Baekhyun asks as he about to type in the pin-code to enter the complex. Chanyeol took it from his grasp, “Actually I was wondering Baekhyun,” Chanyeol spoke as the smaller paused for a second, listening to his words. “I-If you’d like to hang out again sometime soon?” The latter finally sputtered out, not sure why he felt nervousness spreading through his chest.

Maybe, it could be the sense of never getting out as much until this day. Chanyeol enjoyed it so much, it’s a feeling he didn’t want to go away. And it damn-well beat his continuous work to school schedule with the occasional result of him with a tinder one-night stand.

He enjoyed the secureness he felt with Baekhyun. Chanyeol felt like things would never get old with the smaller.

He didn’t want to lose it. Ever.

And he’s not quite sure what that means for him.

Baekhyun swiftly turned around to face the latter, “You think I’d say no?” He replies with a grin on his lips, “Of course I’d like to do this again.” ‘ _ Why did this sound like the confirmation of a second date? _ ’ Chanyeol thought to himself

“Again, thank you. I really appreciated this surprise.”

“Oh yeah? What happened to you and your hate for surprises?”

“You brought me to a garden, and you expect me to hate that?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “Seriously, it was sweet of you. I feel bad I gave you nothing in return, Yeol.”

“Don’t! I did this for you and on my own accord. There’s nothing to give in return!” Chanyeol reassured the other, “I guess I’ll be going now. I don’t want to-  _ um... _ intrude or anything.” Baekhyun knew who he was referring to and honestly, he forgot Jaegeun existed.

Actually, he always does every time they speak.

It’s like Baekhyun’s mind take a vacation from all the stress in his life whenever he’s around Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun spoke to stop the other from walking off the porch. His eyes shifting to the street in nervousness, slightly relieved when he noticed Jaegeun’s car wasn’t in its usual spot just yet. Was he seriously about to do this? Is it worth succumbing to this desire of his if it would result in trouble?

“Before you go, let me at least give you a small gift.”

Does he dare yearn for the regret to come?

And before the latter could open his mouth to refuse, Baekhyun lifted himself up on his tiptoes as his hands reached out to cup each side of Chanyeol’s cheeks, placing a soft kiss on the tip of the taller’s nose.

Yet, he was quick to let his hands fall from the others face, grabbing the pot back from Chanyeol’s grasp and return his feet to flat ground. “I’ll see you soon.” He gleams. And despite his crimson cheeks burning up out of nervousness, Baekhyun felt quite proud of himself.

Baekhyun swiftly turned on his heel as Chanyeol was still high off of the other’s soft touch which fell from his face moments ago, hypnotized, he watched his soft fingertips pressed ‘209’ and then typed in ‘4586’ on the keypad as the green light flickering on indicating that he unlocked the heavy door. Chanyeol went to speak but he couldn’t conjure up the right words to sputter out.

Byun Baekhyun has left him speechless and maybe that was his goal.

The bartender opened the door without another glance behind him. A step away from leaving Chanyeol all alone with nothing but a look of disbelief and his cheeks blotched in shades of pink.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Yet, once Baekhyun reached his apartment and shut the door behind him. He was quick to press his back against it, feeling his heart slamming into the prison of his ribcage. All that proudness and confidence melted away from his demeanor.

Anxiety and uncertainty bubbled up inside of his core and intruded his thoughts. A million questions popping up in his head.

‘ _ What if Jaegeun saw me? What if he just decided to park somewhere else today and saw us? What if a friend saw us at the park together? What will he do to me if he found out? _ ’  _ Oh god  _ and what about Chanyeol? Did he come off too strong? Did he just ruin everything they’ve built up in their friendship?

Everything felt overwhelming at the moment.

But he tried to steady his breath and lift his body weight from relying on his door. Baekhyun knew he had to get himself together, at least, before Jaegeun got up here.

He placed the pot on the window sill, letting it directly hit in the gleam of the sunset. Baekhyun forced himself to get a grip on the situation. As he attempted to be logical with his mind-filling questions, it was the only means of assuring himself.

Yet, time could only give you but so much and it wasn’t very long until Baekhyun heard the door swinging open. The abrupt sound caused the smaller to pull himself out of his clouding thoughts and have his story together.

Only thing continuing to assure his body that Jaegeun seemed to be okay. He didn’t seem to be shaking from anger or jealousy. Baekhyun noticed the latter was actually quite calm but, he knew looks could be deceiving.

Isn’t that how he got in this situation in the first place?

Baekhyun never faltered a second longer to flash his boyfriend a smile, “Welcome home,” The bartender pretends to seem cheerful, “How was work?” Watching as the other shrugged his shoes off at the front door, “It went good, busy but that’s usual.” Jaegeun responded seconds later.

This was a good sign.

His boyfriend stepped towards him to slip his arms over Baekhyun’s waist and pulled him close. “What were you up to on your day off, Baekhyunnie?” And the question was worded so condescending against the shell of his ear. It made Baekhyun’s skin crawl. Did he know? There’s no possible way, right? Please, don’t tell him his biggest fear was coming to life.

_ Keep it cool, Byun. _

“I went for a small walk but that’s about it.” He quickly came up with, “I felt a bit stuffy, needed fresh air.”

“Oh.”

_ Oh? What is that supposed to mean? _

“T-That’s okay right?”

A pause.

“Yes, of course.”

_ ‘Please tell me he actually means that’ _ Baekhyun thought to himself and a soft kiss on his cheek confirmed it to him. Usually, these light kisses would bring a pack of butterflies to Baekhyun’s stomach, it was some of the only touches Jaegeun gave him with care.

But now? He felt nothing.

_ Why does he feel nothing? _

But there was no time to think more than he should, “Did you bring a flower home?” Jaegeun spoke and Baekhyun felt his face turn cold, “Oh, that?” He pulls away from his boyfriend's grip to look back at it, “Uh, someone was selling flowers early while I was walking. I figured it might brighten up the apartment?”

“You’re still into that shit?” Jaegeun questions and the smaller had to pretend he was okay with the nostalgic words from his father coming from his boyfriend’s mouth. “Uh, kind of?” He speaks making sure his tone stays soft and innocent, Baekhyun was walking on eggshells with him. No matter how much he wanted to punch his boyfriend when such  _ slick  _ words are said with no remorse and his hands' batter Baekhyun in wounds, he couldn’t. Baekhyun didn’t have the courage.

“You know that I’m not big on flowers.” Jaegeun continues as his eyebrows furrow. ‘ _ Yes, I know, you hate everything I love.’  _ Baekhyun slumped his shoulders, mentally preparing himself.

“But- “Jaegeun continues, “I guess it does brighten up the place a bit.” Baekhyun perked up again, taken by surprise there wasn’t any resistance to the small change. He was glad he caught Jaegeun on a good day.

This whole day has got the wheels in Baekhyun’s head spinning and the smaller realizes the way he feels around Jaegeun isn’t okay. He shouldn’t get tensed up that his boyfriend would get mad over a flower.  _ A fucking flower?  _ Has Jaegeun insinuated that much fear into him?

The truth is yes, very much so and Baekhyun hates to admit it.

Maybe, he needed this.

He needed someone to push him into a positive light and show him that life was still beautiful and meaningful, that it’s not something to give up on just yet. Hell, even if it’s just looking at flowers that give him that glimmer of hope, Baekhyun will take that. It reminded him of the innocence and happiness he once felt. A feeling that seems too far gone for years now.

Baekhyun convinced himself long ago, he never wanted to let go of this relationship due to this forever perception that Jaegeun would stop and they’d be happy once more. Their relationship had a sweetness to it that turned bitter too quick for its own good, yet, Baekhyun couldn’t let go, he yearned for it so badly to change.

But, with time comes memories and with memories comes the uproar of emotions when you think back on them again. Baekhyun was filled with nothing but regret, guilt, and pity. Oh, how that overbearing confidence and slick tongue Baekhyun had backstabbed him the moment he started to use it for his own accord. 

Sometimes, he’d convince himself that he deserved these feelings and this abuse because he used to fight back as well, not physically but, Baekhyun would defend himself to no end and his personality hardly ever allowed him to back down. Until the words of the only person the smaller once trusted mixing with his own self-deprecating thoughts convinced him to back down and just take it. That maybe if he would ‘ _ shut his mouth _ ’ as Jaegeun would put it, he wouldn’t get hurt.

Clearly, he was wrong.

Now? Baekhyun isn’t sure why he sits there and still takes it. What was the point? It would never get better. That happy ending Baekhyun dreamed of whenever he’d crawl into their bed after being battered with bruises was long gone. But, after two years, is it too late? Would he even make it out if he wanted to leave Jaegeun?

“I’m glad you think so.”

Well, he damn sure was going to try.

-

Chanyeol leaned against the tree, “Oh, so you brought lunch this time?” He asked looking over at Baekhyun whose hands were rummaging around in his bag. “Yes, but, it’s nothing special so don’t expect much.”

“You made it yourself?”

“...Maybe.”

“How sweet! Byun Baekhyun the Chef? Maybe I like that title more for you than a bartender.”

Baekhyun pokes his head up as he pulled out two sandwiches and beers, “You still sure about that chef thing?” He laughed, “Chanyeol, I can't cook for shit. You’re just lucky I can make a good ass sandwich.” He spoke as he handed Chanyeol the tightly wrapped lunch. It had been days since the past hangout the two had, this time Baekhyun invited Chanyeol. Out of the rush of confidence, he took it upon himself to invite him out just the other night when he visited him at the bar.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Chanyeol laughed as he took the sandwich, eyes falling on the wrist that didn’t sport a brace any longer, “Your wrist is feeling better?” He questioned the other. “Ah, yes...and yours?”

“Doesn’t hurt, remember? But the bruise is going away.”

“It’s still weird how it doesn’t hurt yet it was so prominent.” Chanyeol nodded as the smaller spoke. He unwrapped the sandwich and Baekhyun intercepted once more, “So, did you get tested as your doctor advised you to?”

Taking the first bite of his lunch, Chanyeol shook his head. “No, I don’t have the time, also, I just...don’t think it’ll solve anything.”

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun narrowed his eyes.

“What?”

“When your doctor tells you to do something, you do it. It could be important, you dumbass! You could be slowly dying or some shit.” The smaller with furrowed eyebrows ranted towards the other.

“You’re dramatic,” Chanyeol rolls his eyes, “I’m not dying! He just wants me to spend my money and waste my time.” He takes another bite of the sandwich, “I know they won’t find anything wron- “Chanyeol stops mid-sentence as he notices the small piece of paper hanging from his lip.

“Baekhyun.”

“Yes?”

“What the hell is this?” The latter asks as he lifts his free hand to pull the paper from his mouth, “If you wanted me to choke, you got to do better than that.” Yet, when the smaller stayed quiet as he continued to bite into his lunch. Placing down his sandwich Chanyeol unfolded the small paper, revealing the numbers listed.

A phone number?

“So, are you going to explain why you’re giving me a phone number in a sandwich?” Chanyeol looks over at the smaller. “Look, I read this article about idols and how they use this method to exchange numbers and flirt without getting caught.” Baekhyun attempted to reply in a nonchalant tone but the rose tint on his cheeks said otherwise.

Chanyeol grinned ear to ear, “Oh, so you’re trying to flirt with me, Hyunee?” He teased and it was hard for Baekhyun not to crumble under his act, “No, I just thought it was an a... _ unique _ way to give you my number.”

A small breathless chuckle left the taller lips, “And why couldn’t you give me your number like a normal fucking person? If you wanted me to text you, you could have just said so.”

"Is anything about me normal, Chanyeol?"

“...Point taken.”

As lunch passed and beers were emptied, the two still continued to bask in the shade underneath the tree. Baekhyun's leaning his face into the palm of his hand as he sat up from laying on the soft grass, “Yeol.”

“Hm?”

“Do you ever think about just running away?”

Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows together, “Is this another one of your deep seminars?”

Baekhyun shrugged, “...Maybe. Care to listen?”

“Hit me with it.”

How  _ ironic. _

“I’m talking about life’s problems. Sometimes, it can get too much, right?” Baekhyun carries on as he sighs, “Wouldn’t it just be great if you could- “

“Abandon everything and start anew?” Chanyeol intercepted to finish the smaller’s sentence.

“Exactly that.”

Chanyeol looked over at him, “It would be nice if life worked that way,” He continued, “Why? Are you thinking of running away from this city? your job?”

Baekhyun pondered for a moment yet shook his head, “I don’t want to leave this city nor my job. I love my job, I love this city and that means I wouldn’t see your dumb face anymore,” He looked down at his free hand played with the blades of grass, “I don’t want my problems to chase me out but sometimes, I feel like it’s the best decision.”

“If you don’t want it to chase you out, then, don’t let it.”

“Easier said than done.”

Chanyeol turned over fully to face Baekhyun as he laid next to him, “No,” He continued, “If you want to stay here Baekhyun, then you do it and you don’t let anyone get in the way of that. If you have a strong will and passion, then you can push through these issues to achieve that.”

Baekhyun was trying his best not to blurt all his business out there to Chanyeol. He couldn’t tell him that his life  _ isn’t _ that simple _.  _ “Well, what if it’s too hard?”

“You always keep trying. It’s your life, Baekhyun. You should be the only one controlling it, not someone else.”

“That’s not always the case for some people.”

_ ‘Watch your words.’  _ He reminded himself.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol reached out and grabbed the others hand whose fingertips was brushing against grass moments ago, “With enough strength within yourself and your desires, you can. Maybe, you just need to find that.”

The smaller whose lips were slightly agape as he stared down at their interlocked hands. Baekhyun spoke again, “And what if I think I have but how...how do I just  _ go _ for it?” Baekhyun hesitantly asked as he glanced down at Chanyeol’s thumb brushing against his knuckles. Praying in his head over and over that Chanyeol would just go with his rambling and not ask too much.

“When you feel like the time is right and are very sure of your decision is when you do it.” Chanyeol softly speaks, “If you feel like you need to let something go, please do so.” and with those words, Baekhyun felt overwhelmed all over again by the thoughts and emotions filling his body. The bartender sat up, his hand pulling away from Chanyeol’s. This thought of leaving Jaegeun has been lingering in his mind and driving him mad for days. He’s been stuck in his own head over it and hearing the taller’s advice opened his eyes that he should do it.

And maybe that’s the scariest part about it.

Byun Baekhyun was going to do it and he doesn’t know how that’ll go.

But? The smaller wanted to open a new chapter in his life desperately. He was sick and tired of his impending fear and constant worry that twisted in his guts whenever he is around Jaegeun. It took Baekhyun so long to convince himself this wasn’t okay in order to come to realize his reality. There was no love between them anymore, it had turned bitter and toxic long ago. Baekhyun’s head started to spin as he felt the pressure of his soon-to-be actions weighing on him.

And, he had another thought...

...Byun Baekhyun wanted to start a new life and maybe, he wants Park Chanyeol to be a part of it.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks as Baekhyun sits up, watching as his eyes hesitantly gazed over their surroundings, “Yes, just a bit warm.” The smaller makes up an excuse with relief hidden in his tone as he doesn’t see anyone of interest spying on them despite feeling the pressure of eyes on him, “The humidity is unbearable out here.” Baekhyun pushed up his sleeves with no hesitation. His mind too occupied to remember the litter of bruises and scars tattooing his arms and Chanyeol’s eyes instantly fell on them. Too obvious to not notice.

The student’s expression dropped as he felt worry fulfill him. Eyes tracing down his arms, seeing wound after wound imprinting on beautiful ivory skin. Chanyeol was rendered speechless and his mind instantly went to a million different reasons why. Despite the millions of questions aching to leave his lips, his mind stopped him from the possibility this might just be  _ too _ personal to ask Baekhyun about. There were boundaries here and Chanyeol knew this was one of them.

And let’s not forget the painful thought that these bruises looked way too familiar for his comfort. Noticing they were identical to the ones that tainted his skin but, that was maybe one of the craziest assumptions the latter was making up in his head. Especially, one he could care less about at this moment, it just  _ wasn’t  _ possible and a coincidence at best. There were more important things to focus on.

To more important thoughts, Chanyeol wondered how long has Baekhyun had these injuries? Are there more than just on his arms? Has Baekhyun been hurting himself? or worse, has someone been hurting Baekhyun?

He slowly sat up as he mimicked Baekhyun’s movements being hesitant and careful with his next words, “You're totally sure?” Chanyeol spoke in a soft tone once more as he looked at the smaller who seemed completely mindless of what littered his arms. Baekhyun looked over with the tilt of his head in curiosity at Chanyeol’s terrible attempt of hiding the worry laced in his tone, “Yes, Yeol. I’m sure.” He gives a soft smile, “Don’t worry. I was just rambling, don’t think too much of it.”

Chanyeol decided to keep his prying questions at bay. It wasn’t the time to bear such heavy questions Baekhyun clearly wasn’t ready to be faced with. Instead, Chanyeol reached back to grab his bag, quickly pulling out a pen and a small notepad. “What are you- “Baekhyun attempted to question him but Chanyeol cut him off as he scribbled down numbers and ripped the piece of paper out, “It’s my number. I want you to have it as well.” He handed the ripped paper to the other, “And I want you to call or text me if you ever need me. For anything, Baekhyun.”  And yet the smaller still tried to make a joke, “Even when I’m in the mood to ramble about dumb shit?”

“Yes, even that.”

Baekhyun smiled, “Are you sure you know what you’re getting into, Park Chanyeol?” The smaller joked as he reached out his hand to take the paper.

And despite knowing Baekhyun was joking, he couldn’t help but heed to his need to attempt to protect the bartender. Chanyeol places the number in the palm of the other, “I guess, I do.”

-

Later in the day, Chanyeol walked out of late evening class. Spending his early afternoon with Baekhyun granted him the motivation to not miss another Anthropology lecture this week. Quick to pull out of his phone and noticed the short text awaiting from Baekhyun,

**[hyunee]: 4:08 PM: December 29th:**

_ Hey ugly :} _

In which resulted in nothing but Chanyeol rolling his eyes. Leaving the greeting to be responded to later, he pulled Sehun’s contact up and pressed the green call icon. Chanyeol held the phone up to his ear as the awaiting dial tone played and finally on the last ring, Sehun picked up.

“Please tell me you’re interrupting my meeting to update me on your doctor situation.”

“What are you? My mom?” Chanyeol scoffed as he continued to walk while on the phone.

Sehun replies, “No, but clearly I have to act like one because you can’t take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I have other things to talk about right now.”

“And that is?”

Chanyeol sighed, “You remember about the bartender I told you about? Baekhyun?”

Hearing the slight background noise of a door being closed in the background, “Yeah. Don’t tell me this kid has broken your heart already, I told you tha- “

“No! I-It’s not that, dumbass!”

“Whatever you say.”

Chanyeol hesitated for a moment. Originally, he called Sehun to tell him what he witnessed and try to seek advice, but he realized that wasn’t Chanyeol’s business to tell. It was Baekhyun’s business and Chanyeol just accidentally found out about it. He can’t just tell people about it even if it’s his best friend. The taller huffed, quick to change directions in his conversation and tackling another issue he had instead, “So, um, what do you do per se if you like someone who is...already in a relationship?”

“He’s in a relationship?!”

“ _ Oh _ , I thought I told you that small detail.”

“Chanyeol, you can’t move in on a taken man.” Sehun explained as he leaned against the wall outside the meeting room, “That’s just..wrong.”

“Hear me out,” Chanyeol spoke as he walked down some steps to make his way onto the city sidewalks, “I don’t think he’s happy in it, like, at all.”

“Sure, but if that’s the case why is he still with him?” Sehun questioned him and Chanyeol shrugged, “Maybe, he just didn’t know how to get out? His first relationship? I don’t know!”

“Chanyeol, I’m just saying- “

“I know, but, listen. Everything just feels so right with him, Sehun. I feel like I’ve finally done something right in this whole romance business.”

Chanyeol’s eyes fell upon a flower shop as he passed by it, “It’s been like what? 4 weeks into your apparent friendship?” Sehun questioned him

“5 now, thank you very much.”

“Not to be devil’s advocate, but how can you be so sure that you like him, Chanyeol?”

The other hesitated for a few moments, keeping his feet moving as he continued his walk home. “Because for the first time I feel like he likes me, well?  _ for me _ . Not for my looks, not for my comfort, but just for me. He enjoys my company and I enjoy his.” He continued, “This is nothing like any of those tinder hook-ups or quick relationships of mine, Sehun. I just feel completely different about this. It’s hard to explain.”

Sehun sighed, “Are you sure this isn’t just platonic? What if you’re just seeing it wrong, Chanyeol?” He continued, “What if Baekhyun just appreciates your company and you’re taking it the wrong way?”

Chanyeol bit down on his lip, he didn’t think about that. Well, he did, but, only at first. If he’s being honest his mind has been fuzzy ever since that  _ very much not  _ platonic nose kiss. “I just feel like there’s something different more than platonic. But I guess maybe it could be one-sided, but I- “

“Look, Chanyeol don’t think I’m against you finding someone but over anything, I really don’t want you hurt again.” Sehun explained, “That’s the last thing I want for you.”

“I know, but- “Chanyeol made his way up the stairs of his apartment complex, “I don’t want to let this go all because I have doubts from my own past experiences. I can’t let that ruin my future relationships.”

Chanyeol dialed his code on his keypad unlocking his apartment door, “Sehun, I’m willing to shoot my shot. I want to see where it goes.” He reassured his concerned friend as the student closed his apartment door behind him, setting his back on his small couch. He didn’t blame Sehun for his concern, his best friend has always been the one to help Chanyeol pick up his pieces every time heartbreak overshadows his life.

“So you’re saying you’re ready to experience heartbreak again?” Sehun asked, the business man was always the one Chanyeol ran to after getting his heart stomped on by another asshole. He hated seeing him crumble like that over someone.

“Maybe.”

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting into, Chanyeol.”

Sliding his shoes off at his front door, “I don’t think I know either,” Chanyeol continues, “But, I just know I’m happy around him and I like the feeling of that.”

The businessman sighed once more, Chanyeol could feel him letting up on his interrogation, “Does he genuinely makes you happy?” He asked one last question, the most important one at that.

“Yes, Sehun.”

“I’ll stand by you then, but never say I didn’t tell you so.”

-

Baekhyun closed the bar for the night. After the past few hours of wiping down tables with chemicals that dried out his hands and listening to drunkards slur their tragic backstories, he was exhausted.

Physically and mentally.

Mentally, Baekhyun's thoughts have been jumbled all night long. Since he spent time with the taller earlier, he’s gotten Baekhyun pondering more about leaving Jaegeun. His mind has been screaming it at him all night long,

‘ _ The minute you get home, pack your stuff _ .’

‘ _ He isn’t home yet, Jaegeun works late shift tonight. You have time to run. _ ’

‘ _ If you don’t run now, you’ll regret it _ .  _ It’ll only get worse _ .’

Baekhyun’s thoughts were so jumbled and crippling to the point his shaky fingers almost dropped the keys as the bartender hurriedly locked the bar doors behind him. A walk home was something he needed more than he thought. With the mixture of the cool breeze embracing his cheeks and the peacefulness resonating in his physique, these were the only time he could completely feel calm. The comfort guiding him to decide his path in pure bliss rather a hectic environment.

Yet, the closer Baekhyun approached his apartment complex, the harder his heart pounded in the confinement of his rib cage. The smaller knew he wasn’t happy. He knew he couldn’t go on like this  _ forever. _ And, he especially knew, this had to stop, or it never would.

Baekhyun couldn’t bare taking any more bruises or cuts to taint his skin, he rather perish right now than endure that type of pain any longer. The impending thought of his mother continued to pop up in the back of his mind, the bruises she bared from his father and the constant swearing to Baekhyun as she tucked him into bed that  _ they  _ would make it out of this sent shivers down his spine. This made Baekhyun aware that this was a  _ now _ or  _ never _ situation and Baekhyun rather act now than spend the rest of his life regretting never doing so.

Fingertips pushing his key code into the outside pad and the small light above the door turning green, Baekhyun made his way up to his apartment. He remembers glancing at his phone and ‘10:00 pm’ shining brightly on his phone, if Baekhyun was going to plan this right then he has an hour to stuff all his belongings in a bag and run. It was a challenge he didn’t hesitate to accept, there was no second guessing anymore.

Closing his front door behind him, Baekhyun made his way to their shared room, quick to open their small closed to grab his duffel bag from the top shelf. He swung the open bag on the bed, not wasting a second more to open his drawers and yank out his clothes. His movements were messy and shaky as he quickly shoved his clothes into the bag. Once the top of his drawer was empty, Baekhyun glimpsed at the bottom of it his important documents and picked them up, always making sure to keep them hidden from Jaegeun. Just in case that he couldn’t use it as something else to hold over the bartender’s head to keep them together.

Once, the duffel bag was stuffed and everything he could recall was back in his possession solely, Baekhyun slid the strap over his shoulder. A small sigh leaving his lips as he looked around their room with now disheveled drawers and open closet doors. Baekhyun made his way to the small living room, grabbing the small pot off the window sill. He’s be damned if he left the most special thing to him in the hands of Jaegeun.

Cupping the small pot in his hands, Baekhyun made his way to the front door. Yet, before his palm could grip the doorknob, it started to turn by itself. Baekhyun felt utter fear stab him in the chest instantly. He was quick to drop his bag, but, not quick enough to be out of the sight of Jaegeun who swung the door open the second he did. His dark expression seemed already presented on his face.

“Well look who it is,” That familiar twisted grin on his face, “The whore who can’t seem to listen to his boyfriend.”

“Jaegeun, I- “

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” Baekhyun felt his palms becoming sweaty and fear making a home in his body. He must stop backing down but why was he so paralyzed with fear? Why couldn’t he just say something? Why couldn’t he just defend himself?

_ Mom, is this how you felt? _

Jaegeun started moving closer to him, “You think I wouldn’t find out? Do I look like a dumbass to you, Baekhyun?”  Confusion struck the smaller, what is he talking about? Did he know he was planning to leave him?

“N-No.” He croaked out as his boyfriend’s intimidating demeanor grew the closer, he got, “J-Jaegeun, what are you talking about? I-I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong...” Baekhyun bravely continues until he felt pain spreading through his scalp. Jaegeun took a fist full of Baekhyun’s hair with full force as he pinned him against the wall.

_ Just like before. _

_ Just like how all their fights go. _

The smaller’s hack harshly slamming against this familiar wall and his pot slipping from his fingers, hearing the gift shatter on the hardwood floor.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened as his body began to tremble, his grip still tight on his hair. “I know about you and your little side-piece, Baekhyun.” Jaegeun spoke in a low tone, “A… _ good friend _ of mine saw you two earlier in the park, decided to pass the information along to me.”

“You had someone spy on me?!” Baekhyun yelled out,

_ Fuck _ . This wasn’t good.

“He’s just a f-friend!” He continued to defend himself as the smaller winced when the grip tightened, “T-There's nothing going on between us! I promise, Jaegeun. I-I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“No,  _ Baekhyunnie. _ ” That horrid nickname continued to taunt him, “I told you the first time I saw you with him and you didn’t listen.” Jaegeun continued as he let go of Baekhyun’s hair, “So? This time I’m going to make sure I get this across to you.”

The smaller froze, his mind screaming at him to do something.  _ Do something! Hit him! Push him!  _ Fucking  _ anything _ ! Yet, the fear and guilt Baekhyun felt bundling up in his chest made him hesitate further. It took everything out of him to even stutter his words from before, so, how could he do this? How could he defend himself?

At a young age, he swore to himself he’d never let someone controlled him and he’d be free like his mother always wished she was. Always dreaming of being independent and successful, swallowing his trauma, and being able to function in this  _ shitty  _ life. Yet, it seems he’s ended up on the same path that was present to him during childhood.

How could that be?

What has he done to foresee this familiar fate?

The smaller’s mind kept yelling at him and his heart rapidly pounding went all the way to the core of his stomach. Baekhyun felt Jaegeun’s hand slip away from his hair only to go instantly to tightly wrapping around his neck, pushing him harder against the wall. Pressure tightening on his windpipe, “Now, do I have your attention?”

Baekhyun moved his hand to try to grip the others, attempting to tug his hand off his neck, “J-Jaegeun- “The bartender coughed at the sudden tension on his throat yet only felt his boyfriend’s fingers squeeze more.

Jaegeun ignored the others pleads as he continued, “Listen to me, Baekhyunnie. You  _ will _ stay away from that friend of yours.” Baekhyun felt tears building in his eyes, blinding Jaegeun into this blurry orb.” I promise you this, if you ever talk to that giant fuck again, you won’t be the only one getting hurt here.” His boyfriend spat at him, Baekhyun feeling the bruises forming under the harsh grip on his neck.

Never...seeing...Chanyeol again?

Just the thought of it made Baekhyun’s heartbreak. Even if it’s only been weeks, he’s already felt so close to the other. Chanyeol was his sign that happiness could still be found in the littlest things in this world, no matter how dark it gets. Baekhyun felt whole when he was around him. The smaller felt as if what they had was meant to be, something finally felt right in his life.

And it just gets snatched away from him? With Baekhyun getting no say on the matter? Simply because his boyfriend is so fucking insecure and controlling, can’t stand the sight of Baekhyun happy without him. The man he was looking at through blinding tears and fear was nothing but a reflection of his father. It was his boyfriend, physically Jaegeun was but personality?

No way in hell.

This monster that took the form of his boyfriend was nothing but cruel and insecure. Letting his uncontrollable jealousy dictate his relationship as if he’s some tyrant. Mimicking the actions, he witnessed from his parent’s relationship as a child.  This wasn’t the boy Baekhyun met in the bar 2 years ago and he knew this person wasn’t coming back. Jaegeun was too far gone and even if he tried to redeem himself, it wouldn’t work.

Baekhyun needed to accept that reality once and for all.

And with acceptance comes anger. Fueled by the eaten-up memories of his happiness, from the red flags that Baekhyun has blindly ignored for the sake of this conditional love, and nonetheless, the genuine fear that has morphed into nothing but pure hate.

“Let go of me.” Baekhyun mumbled as he felt Jaegeun’s hand loosen for a moment, “Excuse me?” His boyfriend spoke in a condescending tone, “You fuck around with another guy and suddenly you’re getting bold? As if you’re not the  _ slut _ here?”

He knew he had to try to fight back this tyrant.

Baekhyun has built up his mindset to withstand these insults stabbing him in the chest. He had to keep reminding himself these words weren’t true, not anymore. Baekhyun looked up at him as his hand made his way to grasp at Jaegeun’s that was placed around his neck, digging his nails straight into his boyfriend’s skin. Making sure to go hard and deep enough to cause a reaction.

Jaegeun hissed as he yanks his hand away, releasing pressure from now bruised porcelain skin, “I said fucking let go!” The moment the relief struck him, and power finally felt like it was in Baekhyun’s hands. He found his own fist raising without another thought, knuckles colliding hard with Jaegeun’s lips enough to make the other topple backward onto the floor. Breath caught in his throat as Baekhyun slides down the wall in complete shock, blurry gaze slowly glancing down at the hand used to strike the other.

‘ _Run. You need to get up and run for it._ ’ His mind kept telling him, but, Baekhyun's legs felt like they were being held down by cement. ‘ _This is your chance._ _Grab your bag and_ ** _go_** _._ ’

And yet, he still couldn’t budge.

A mix of unlocked emotions washed over him. Ultimately, the smaller felt like he has sunken as low as Jaegeun had. Letting anger and vengeance blind his true motives. Quivering palms raised up to his eyes to wipe away the built-up tears, gaze fell to the broken pot shattered beside him on their floor, dirt and the flower itself spread out with the pot fragments. They quite reminded Baekhyun of himself right now.

Broken and unable to put himself back together even for his own sake.

Jaegeun groaned as his fingers grazed against his top lip that was dripping blood down to his chin. Baekhyun felt panic settling into his bones. He still couldn’t move, frozen by his hesitating body parts and mind. Guilt spreading through his chest as he watched the other wipe away some of the blood. Baekhyun absolutely despised that he even felt bad for his boyfriend, as if he wasn’t choking him a moment ago. When will his heart stop making the decisions his mind was set to do?

Yet, the moment Baekhyun saw Jaegeun beginning to stand up again is when he snapped back into reality. Time was running out. Baekhyun shakily shuffled over a bit as he slowly stood up, trying to avoid the sharp fragments on their floor. His eyes glancing over at his bag as Baekhyun moved over to grab it. Jaegeuns palm still firmly pressed against his lip, as he stood straight up, “You think a  _ weak  _ punch is going to keep me away from you, Baekhyunnie?” Baekhyun tried to ignore his words as he frantically grabbed his bag and make his way down the short narrow hall.

A few hasty steps in and the front door never looked so heavenly. Just one step out of it and he’d be free from

these chains Baekhyun never thought he’d escape.

But why did he think even for a single second that escaping Jaegeun’s grasp would be that simple?

The moment his wavering hand was hovering over the doorknob, seconds away from clutching it and swinging it open. Baekhyun felt a tight grip on the back of the collar of his shirt, choking him as he was roughly yanked backward. Jaegeun had managed to pull him away from the door and have his body collide harshly against the ground in a matter of seconds. Baekhyun groaned in pain before he could comprehend what happened.

“You’re so cute, you really thought it would be that easy?” Jaegeun teased as he kicked away Baekhyun’s bag, grinning with blood staining his teeth. “Running away me? Running away from what we have?!” He felt his boyfriend’s foot striking him in his side. Air getting caught in Baekhyun’s lung as he yelled out in pain, arms instantly wrapping around his torso as a defense.

“I’ll tell you this, Baekhyun. You will  _ never _ be able to escape me.” Another painstaking blow to his side, “Even when you think you can, you never will!” Baekhyun curled up in a ball as tears built up in his eyes. His body shaking from the pain expanding from his core, “J-Jaege-  _ Ah _ !” He tried to stutter out his boyfriend name in his pleads yet was cut off by another kick.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear your pathetic pleads and cries for help, you worthless whore.”

Jaegeun hissed, “You think that side piece of yours will save you? Be your knight in shining  _ fucking  _ armor?” His boyfriend broke out in a fit of laughter, “That’s hilarious! Get your head out of the fucking clouds, Baekhyun.  _ You think anyone in this world could love you like me? _ ”

Jaegeun leaned over, grabbing a Baekhyun’s collar again as he tugged his head up to make the other face him. Watching the tears spill down his flushed cheeks, “I can love you like nobody else. I protect you and keep you safe. That guy? He’s using you. For your looks and probably even for free fucking drinks. You genuinely think he’s around you for... _ you? _ ” These words Jaegeun spat at Baekhyun cut deep, deeper than any insult he has ever thrown his way. Digging into his deepest insecurities and throwing them in his face.

Baekhyun felt the taste of iron lingering in his mouth as he spoke, “Y-You don’t know him, Jaegeun. H-He’s not- “

“Oh, but he is. Why else would he suddenly take an interest in you,  _ Baekhyunnie _ ?” Jaegeun tugged tighter on his collar, “He’s just another lonely drunkard who will chew you up and spit you out. You mean  _ nothing _ to him.” And hot tears continued to spill more and more as the words struck Baekhyun harder, harder than any hit he’s ever laid upon him.

Hard enough to even believe them.

“B-But- “Baekhyun tried to sputter out but the lump in his throat stopped him from so. This is when he began to fully come to the terms that there was no making it out of his relationship. He was forever trapped in this never-ending loop with the soulmate he was never meant to come across.

“Ah, Baby,” Jaegeun cooed in a condescending tone, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from evil men like that.” He felt his grip on his collar loosening up and Baekhyun knew what time of the cycle this was. It was the time for Jaegeun to act like he did nothing to cause this pain onto Baekhyun, always repeating to him that he brought it onto himself.

His hand fell from the grip on his hair to cup Baekhyun’s damped cheeks, “I only do this for your own good. You have to understand horrible people will always try to get to you and take you away. You’re so naive and don’t understand that.” Jaegeun talked down to Baekhyun as the other was too out of it to even fight back any longer.

Baekhyun wasn’t getting out of this and that painful reality struck him deeply. It made the smaller come to terms with his fate.

“So, I will always try to keep you away from that. I don’t want someone taking you away from me, I couldn’t stand it.” Jaegeun continued, “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together.” He spoke as Baekhyun stared back at him with dull and exhausted eyes. Hands falling from his face as Jaegeun opened his arms, “Now come here.” Indicating he wanted Baekhyun to crawl into them.

The smaller knew this meant he could never be the same with Chanyeol again, maybe, even must cut the taller completely off from his life. And as much as that thought broke his heart, he couldn’t risk Chanyeol getting hurt as well. Baekhyun would never forgive himself for getting him tangled up in his mess. A mess that’ll be nothing but Baekhyun’s life for the rest of his numbered days.

He slowly sat up as he wrapped shaky arms around his boyfriend’s torso, head slipping into the crook of his neck. Baekhyun’s hands gripping tightly on Jaegeun’s shirt as he came to his impeccable conclusion.

Byun Baekhyun will face the same undeniable fate as his mother did all those years ago.

 


	5. Chapter 5

  
  


Chanyeol’s fingertips brushed across the new bruises on his neck as he faced the mirror. A sigh leaving his lips, eyes glancing down at his stomach and examining the splotches of internal injury along his abdomen. Pushing down slightly as Chanyeol attempted to bring some pressure to the wounds, desperate for some type of reaction to it. Yet, it felt like nothing.

It didn’t make sense. It never made fucking sense.

Things were going okay these past two weeks, Chanyeol even thought his wild condition finally started to disappear again. But here it was again boggling his mind and making his thoughts wander. What if Sehun is right? Maybe, he needed to get those blood tests done? What if that’ll help explain things?

But then he realizes all the inconsistencies in these mystery wounds. Their sporadic placements, their unusual timing, and the fact he feels no pain even when applying force. How could some doctors be able to explain that to him? Chanyeol thought he’d just waste his time and others. Especially spending money, he certainly didn’t have.

Sliding on a turtleneck to hide the bruising ringed on his neck and pulling it down to cover his abdomen wounds, Chanyeol decided to leave these worries to be dealt with later. The student had a 12 pm lecture to get to and he can’t afford to be late again gawking over unsolved troubles.

He grabbed his bag and keys as he made his way out of the run-down apartment complex. The only thought calming his nerves was seeing the same playful bartender later in the day. Chanyeol was sure seeing Baekhyun later will make his concerns wash away for the time being.

-

Around 6 pm is when Chanyeol wrapped up his classes for the day and pushed his way through the glass doors into the familiar bar. The music blaring from the establishment from the local singers that’ll play on the small stage to the side of the bar once a month. As he walked in Chanyeol instantly noticed the small brunette behind the counter, mixing a drink for a customer.

Chanyeol walked over to his usual stool, placing his bag under his feet as he sat down. “Hyunee— “He drew out his words to get the bartender's attention, watching as Baekhyun’s head looked over in his direction. Watching a smile lacing his lips until it slowly faded away, but he didn’t want to question it.

Baekhyun walked over as Chanyeol’s eyes scanned down to the black turtleneck the smaller was sporting under his work shirt. “Oh, you’re wearing one too?” The taller laughed as he gestured to the turtleneck cladding his own neck as well.

“Huh?”  Chanyeol watched Baekhyun place a hand on his neck, “ _ Oh _ \- yeah.” The bartender hesitates for a second until continuing “Uh, Heechul told me it was chilly in here this morning. Figured I’d be prepared.” The smaller replied yet looked so tense while doing it. Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol, “Um, what can I get for you?”

And Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel this painful awkwardness growing between them.

“... Uh...Scotch on the rocks for today..” Chanyeol hesitantly replied expecting to hear witty sarcasm come from Baekhyun’s lips on how Chanyeol hated the taste of Scotch. Yet, those words never came. Baekhyun simply nodded and turned to start making his drink without any further questioning.

Chanyeol’s mind instantly started to rattle with questions, y’know, the typical overthinking questions. He wondered if he’s done something to cause this awkward tension between them and the simple thought of the possibility of it made his stomach churn out of nervousness. Yet, the taller’s eyes weren’t focused on the drink Baekhyun was making, they were stuck on the bartender’s face as he was deep in thought. Noticing the glimpses of wincing on his expression every time he’d move too fast for his comfort.

Baekhyun turned back towards him with his drink in his hand, placing it in front of Chanyeol. He battled internally the full time it took the other to make the bitter drink whether to question Baekhyun or not, yet, the words seemed to slip out anyway. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun who went to turn away again to tend to another customer stopped for a moment, “Yeah. Why are you asking?”

“You just seem...tense and frazzled, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun turned back towards Chanyeol, “I promise that I’m fine.” and the taller could feel the strain in the other’s voice to try to seem convincing. He wasn’t sure to keep pressing him because Chanyeol knew no amount of promises made could convince him Baekhyun was okay.

“Anything else?” Baekhyun spoke up once more with hints of annoyance in his tone as he questioned Chanyeol and when the taller slowly shook his head, the bartender turned his back to him once more.

Now, Chanyeol was trying to conquer up explanations in his head. Did he do something wrong the last time he was Baekhyun? No, he doesn’t think so. Maybe, the advice he gave him was too headstrong? But, Baekhyun seemed to like the advice given to him. Maybe because he didn’t reply to his text? No, Baekhyun wouldn’t get mad over dumb shit like that.

Then, what is it?

[ **suggested song to play from fanfic playlist: spacing out by beabadoodee** ]

Chanyeol leaned his head in the palm of his hand as he continued to drown his worries into alcohol, like usual. He watched the girl who was performing during this hour, play her guitar and singing along to a beautiful melody. Not exactly sure why people were performing so early today, usually it was more towards night, but it was catching the attention of the people all around. So, the student guessed it didn’t matter as long as people were enjoying it.

Yet, when he saw the familiar silhouette walking across the bar floor appear in his vision, Chanyeol turned his attention towards it. He watched as Baekhyun crumbled up his time stamp ticket in his palm and pushed the doors back to walk out of the bar.

Chanyeol internally battled with himself for several minutes whether he should try to talk to him again, yet it seemed his body was one step ahead as he already found himself standing up and making his way outside.

Chanyeol looked around as he saw the smaller leaned against the corner wall of the alleyway opened by the bar. “W-What are you doing?” Chanyeol commented as he walked over to him.

Baekhyun looked at him, “It’s called a break, Chanyeol. I needed fresh air.”

“Oh.”

A few silent moments pass and Baekhyun huffs, “Wipe that look off your face.” Chanyeol knits his eyebrows together in confusion, “What look?”

“That look you make when you’re yearning to pry.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“Then, why- “Baekhyun just rolled his eyes in frustration as he cut himself off. The bartender’s behavior seemed so forced and colder than usual. Maybe he was right, Chanyeol was yearning to pry into Baekhyun’s current state of mind.

“It’s fine, I’m going back in any way.” Baekhyun turned away but it didn’t stop Chanyeol impulsively grabbing his wrist. “Okay, maybe you’re right.” He sighed, “I just- don’t believe what you’re telling me here.”

“It’s my words and feelings, you should believe it.”

“Maybe, but, your expression and demeanor say otherwise.” Baekhyun knitted his eyebrows together, “You’re over-analyzing it, Chanyeol.”

“Baekhyun, I rather pester, and you be okay then try to ignore it and things turn out to the opposite, what is up with you? Did I do something wrong?”

Yet, Baekhyun still held up his guard, “N-No, you didn't.” he continued his flustered filled words, “Please, It’s nothing.”

“Clearly it’s not. You don’t act like this when it’s just nothing. You can talk to me, you know?”

“Why do you even care?” Baekhyun instantly began to become flustered and frustrated, raising his voice with crimson cheeks, “It’s not like it matters anymore. Let go of me, Chanyeol.” He spoke breaking down his character from before. Luckily, the streets weren’t crowded enough for any bystanders to see their outburst.

“Why do I care? What kind of question is that? Because I care about you and want you okay, Baekhyun. You know that.” Chanyeol exclaimed as he started to become frustrated as well.

“You have to let go.” Baekhyun spoke with a strained tone, trying to tug his arm away, “Please, you just have to.”

This is where the conversation began to take a deeper turn than expected, shifting into a personal aspect. Why did it feel like Baekhyun was talking more about their relationship here? This felt like a breakup of a relationship before it even got to bloom and Chanyeol played along.

_ Like usual. _

“...What if I don’t want to?” Chanyeol was caught off guard but hesitantly replied.

“Then, I’ll make you.”

“And if I grab you again?”

“I’ll have to keep pulling away.”

Chanyeol felt like his breath was caught in his throat, “But why? What if I don’t want you to,  _ ever _ ,  _ ever _ again?”

“Chanyeol, I-I don’t know what you want me to say to you.” Baekhyun tugs his arm out of Chanyeol’s grip, “But this? Us? Whatever the fuck we are..that just can’t happen any longer.” Baekhyun turned the corner before the latter could even utter another word to him. Chanyeol was quick to try to follow until he saw the smaller had bumped into a man and from the flushed look on Baekhyun’s face, this situation couldn’t have gotten any shitter.

**-**

Baekhyun has been feeling like shit all day long. He would have called out of work if it didn’t mean Baekhyun would get instantly fired. Remembering his bosses’ threat to him the last time he bothered doing so. The bartender’s body was sore, his eyes red from the lack of sleep he got, and he was burning up in the dreaded turtleneck he sported to cover up his bruises.

He’s been so  _ out _ of it, but he had to keep his act up, he couldn’t let people suspect anything. Baekhyun couldn’t dare drag others into this and worry them with his pathetic troubles. This is his battle, yet, one he will surely lose.

In the back of his head, Baekhyun prayed Chanyeol wouldn’t show up to the bar today. Seeing him and knowing he must let Chanyeol go? Being cold and distant to such a soft giant who has been  _ nothing  _ but nice to him? It shattered his heart all over again.

Byun Baekhyun just wanted to disappear off the face of this earth. Oh god, does he wish Jaegeun would have just killed him last night. Maybe, just  _ maybe _ that would have made his life  _ much _ easier.

Six o’ clock rolled around and with no sight of Chanyeol yet, Baekhyun thought he was in the clear for today. Only locals coming in for their mic night, singing soft tunes throughout the establishment and attracting small amounts of customers to come and listen. Maybe, he could hold off on this painful confrontation and just zone into the calming music playing on this Tuesday night instead.

Except, when he saw Chanyeol waltzing through the bar doors with a smile on his face the moment he laid eyes on the bartender. A smile he’ll never see again. This is when Baekhyun remembered he would never come on these days until after his lecture at five.

Again, Baekhyun cursed himself for not calling out.

Baekhyun was quick to pretend he was working to save himself time from being confronted with this tragic situation. “ _ Hyunee _ — “Chanyeol called out his nickname causing Baekhyun to pause. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself of Jaegeun’s words.

_ No _ , not the ones where he claimed Chanyeol was a horrible person.

Baekhyun didn’t believe that, not for a single second and he never would. Chanyeol was so sweet, maybe too sweet for his own good. Baekhyun meant his boyfriend’s threats of hurting Chanyeol as well. Adding on to the bartender’s impending fear of getting Chanyeol involved in his mess when he already has so much to deal with.

It just wasn’t right to put that  _ burden _ on him and when Baekhyun says burden, he means himself.

Baekhyun considered himself nothing but a pure burden in Chanyeol’s life. That constant reminder was the only thing that stimulated his current distant behavior towards the taller.

‘ _ I can’t get you hurt. I’m sorry _ .’

The bartender swiftly turned around and his eyes landed on Chanyeol. His black hair curled up perfectly around his goofy ears, the soft smile he always had on his lips, and the gleam in his eyes whenever they’d linger on Baekhyun for too long. But, Baekhyun had to look past that pure beauty Park Chanyeol held, he knows he has to.

“Oh? You’re wearing one too?”

_ ‘Wearing what?’ _ “Huh?” yet then he notices the taller motioning to the turtleneck in which he was also wearing.  Baekhyun’s hand instantly went to rub his clothed wounds, “ _ Oh _ \- yeah.” His mind instantly went into excuse mode as he followed, “Uh, Heechul told me it was cold in here today. Figured I’d be prepared.”

‘ _ You’re talking too much, Baek _ .  _ You’re making things seem okay when they are  _ **_not_ ** _. Stop. Push him away. Be Cold! ...Do it for his sake.’ _

Baekhyun instantly changed the subject, not wanting to partake in the unsettling conversation any longer. He blurted out the next thing that came to mind, “Um, what can I get for you?” In the most awkward and unsettling tone, Baekhyun could speak in. Why was this so hard? Pretending to be strangers? They’ve known each other for a month and so. Yet, it’s felt like  _ centuries _ that they’ve been by each other’s side. You’d think Baekhyun would easily let him go because of the time-frame but he was fighting himself more and more.

“Scotch on the rocks…” Chanyeol spoke with hesitation and Baekhyun simply nodded, turning away from him to prepare the drink. ‘ _ You hate Scotch, you dumbass _ .’ The bartender said in his head referring to the latter’s order.

Yet, the way he spoke Baekhyun could tell with the others hesitant tone and confused look on his face, Chanyeol was already catching on to his behavior. Knowing it was nothing like Baekhyun to act like this.

As he fixed up Chanyeol’s choice of alcohol, Baekhyun was careful with his movements. His body was still sore and traumatized from the fight last night, it would take a while to heal from these wounds.

it wasn’t too long until he finished and had to face the taller once more. Turning around as the bartender placed the drink in front of him intending to quickly turn away and go back to avoiding Chanyeol. The taller intercepted with the question he was hoping he wouldn’t ask, “Are you okay?”

‘ _ No. Of course not. I am very far from okay right now _ .’ Baekhyun thought to himself, yet, those words didn’t dare leave his lips. “Yeah. Why are you asking?” Attempting to be forward yet still tip-toeing around the concept of being ‘ _ cold _ ’ towards the other.

“You just seem...tense and frazzled, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol spoke. Baekhyun felt bad for lying to Chanyeol but is this truly the first time? No. But, as someone he considered to trust highly, lying to their face about something he  _ shouldn’t _ have to make it harder to keep going with this facade, “I’m fine, I promise.”

Yet with the concerned look on Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun had to continue to remind himself of his previous thoughts. He had to push the taller away, no matter how much it hurt. ‘ _ For Chanyeol’s sake _ .’ This is when Baekhyun let out a slightly frustrated sigh from his lips, “Anything else?” He forced the words twisted with an annoyed tone slip out of his mouth. And watching Chanyeol’s face twist up with hints of sadness and worry from Baekhyun’s tone as he slowly shook his head, almost made the bartender break his act.

‘ _ Don’t look at me that way, please. You’re making this so hard _ .’

Baekhyun desperately wanted to explain to Chanyeol his attitude towards him and what’s been going on in his terrible fucking life. Yet, he couldn’t and Baekhyun wasn’t sure what stung more.

The wounds littering his body or the fact he can’t tell the closest person in his life what he’s going through?

He quickly turned away from Chanyeol and tried to focus on his other responsibilities behind the counter. Silence settling between them and the only noise filling the bar was those of the local singer strumming away at her guitar.

He could tell Chanyeol was probably overthinking it right now. The latter always was full of worry, Baekhyun can already feel him racking his head wondering just what he did to be treated like this.  _ ‘Nothing. You did nothing wrong, please don’t think you did. It’s all on me.’  _ The bartender thought to himself, dying to say these forbidden words to Chanyeol himself to calm those pestering thoughts.

The tension kept weighing on Baekhyun’s shoulders more and more. He felt suffocated and frazzled with the music blaring over his jumbled thoughts and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry. Every second spent more in here, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Baekhyun wanted nothing more right now than to be surrounded by bliss.

With a glance at the clock, he decided to take his 30-minute break. Walking over the cash register to clock in his break-time, pulling the small receipt that came out marking his time. Baekhyun didn’t hesitate to quickly walk out of the bar, he needed fresh air desperately to be able to clearly think.

Things were getting worse and worse.

He crumbled the receipt in his hand and stuffed the paper in his pocket. Baekhyun made his way to the side alley-way of his workplace, sighing as he leaned against the brick wall. For a single moment, Baekhyun felt peace wash over him, his wavering headache simmering down as the smaller took in the fresh air and observed the sunset scenery. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes once fully taking in the moments of bliss.

A few minutes pass and the sound of the bar doors opening and closing fill the air, Baekhyun pays no attention to it until he feels a presence before him. He opens his eyes to see the nervous taller standing before him. “W-What are you doing?” He questioned the bartender as Baekhyun raises the back of his head from the wall. Feeling the nervousness and concern in the voice of the other stabbed him yet, he must keep this act up. “It’s called a break, Yeol. I needed fresh air.” He bluntly replies.

“Oh.” Again, Chanyeol replies with hurt lingering in his tone. Straining his heart more as he glimpsed at the student’s face. Standing there like a broken-hearted child who was just scolded.

“Wipe that look off your face.” Baekhyun blurted out as he examined the pure curiosity smeared all over his expression as he watched his eyebrows scrunch up, “What look?”

“That look you make when you’re yearning to pry.” Actually, this was something Baekhyun would point out regardless of his mood or situation. Yet, why did this time did it feel more forced to let those words slip his lips?

“I wasn’t going to even say anything,” Chanyeol replied.

“Then, why- “Baekhyun cut himself off from talking too much, he didn’t want this to drift into saying more than he needs to. The smaller didn’t want to continue this anymore, confronting his shit reality was giving him yet another headache.

With a frustrated sigh, he spoke once more, “It’s fine, I’m going back in any way.” Baekhyun attempted to turn on his heel to head back into his workplace. He wanted his shift over with so he could go home and crawl in bed to escape the liters  _ fucking _ shitshow his life was.

But, the grasp on his arm stopped him from doing so, “Okay, maybe you’re right.” Chanyeol continued to muster up the courage to confront Baekhyun, “I just- don’t believe what you’re telling me here.”

“It’s my words and feelings, you should believe it,” Baekhyun replies bluntly once again. Yet, he can’t act like he’s surprised. He knew Chanyeol would be aching to know what’s bothering the smaller, it was very sweet but sweet isn’t what Baekhyun wanted right now. He wanted Chanyeol to take a hint to make this less fucking painful.

“Maybe but, your expression and demeanor say otherwise.” Chanyeol continues as Baekhyun turns around to face him once more, knitting his eyebrows together in frustration, “You’re over-analyzing it, Chanyeol.” The bartender denied his emotions more and more out-loud to the other. It was starting to get hard to lie to such a good person, who wants nothing but happiness for Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun, I rather pester, and you be okay then try to ignore it and things turn out to the opposite, Did I do something?” The question though Baekhyun knew it was coming still caught him off guard. Hearing the dryness and raw worry in Chanyeol’s tone made Baekhyun feel fucking terrible for doing this to him. The bartender struggled to hold back his tears down yet still attempted to keep his act going, “N-No, you didn’t.” He stuttered out, “Please, It’s nothing-“Yet, Chanyeol cut him off.

“Clearly it’s not. You don’t act like this when it’s just nothing. You can talk to me, you know?” The taller offers help to him genuinely yet, Baekhyun had to bite his tongue in order to hold back the million times he’s wanted to say yes to that question and let Chanyeol into his world.

“Why do you even care?” Baekhyun whose face was turning crimson and spoke in a frustrated tone, “It’s not like it matters anymore.”

_ That was true. It didn’t. Nothing does. _

“Let go of me, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun begged as a small tear that split from his blurry eyes as the smaller vigorously wiped it away with his free hand before the other noticed.

The streets were getting less crowded as the sun settled, Baekhyun thanked god for that.

“Why do I care? What kind of question is that?” Chanyeol snapped, “Because I care about you and want you okay, Baekhyun. You  _ know _ that.” Chanyeol argued back, feel his worry twist into frustration as well.

‘ _ Yes, I do know that. That’s why this is so hard to do.’ _

“You have to let go.” Baekhyun strained, his facade falling apart, “Please, you just have to. For your sake and mine, I-I can’t drag you into this further.” Baekhyun couldn’t keep this up any longer, he was just blurting things out without thinking of the consequences that lingered with them.

The shift of demeanor in the conversation overcame drastically as Chanyeol was taken back by Baekhyun’s words, “...What if I don’t want to let go?” The taller hesitated with his next words as he looked at Baekhyun whose eyes were glued to his shoes, processing the additional damage he has done. Baekhyun knew he shouldn’t have come into work; he should have disappeared off this earth like he was meant to. Why did he even bother trying to push Chanyeol away himself? He knew in the end, he couldn’t.

Baekhyun would have to try with all his might if he ever wanted to achieve that.

“Then, I’ll make you.” Baekhyun looked up as he replied.

“And if I grab you again?”

“I’ll have to keep pulling away.”

Guilt was building up more and more, but this was the truth now. Baekhyun could at least tell him the truth.

“B-But why? What if I don’t want you to, ever, ever again?” Chanyeol sputtered out and it caught Baekhyun off guard. What did he mean? Does he feel the same? What if he is lying? Or worse, what if he’s telling the truth?

These questions made Baekhyun’s head spin.

“Chanyeol, I-I don’t know what you want me to say to you.” Baekhyun tugs his arm out of Chanyeol’s grip, the smaller riddled with shock and confusion.

“But this? Us? Whatever the fuck we are that just can’t happen any longer.” Baekhyun blurted out the words he knew would sting the most to say. The bartender quickly turned the corner before Chanyeol could stop him any longer, focused on fleeing the situation instead of dealing with this any longer.

There was nothing else to say, everything needed to be said had been.

There was no taking it back either.

Yet, Baekhyun’s head came in contact right into someone’s chest. Causing him to instantly look up and muttering apologies to the stranger, “I-I’m sorr- “Yet, he cut himself off, “...Jaegeun?”

-

A pair of hands went to grab Baekhyun’s arms to pull him back, “What are you doing here?” Baekhyun was quick to sputter out, nervousness lingering in his tone. Jaegeun knitted his eyebrows in response, looking down “I came to check on yo-” His boyfriend went to answer yet halted his words once his eyes glanced up at Chanyeol who came around the corner only seconds after.

 

“B-Baekhyun, don’t just run away, we need to talk!” Chanyeol yelled as he quickly swooped around the corner only to immediately stop. Eyes sticking to the black-haired man with his cold gaze pinned on him, blinking a few times in confusion. Baekhyun looking back at the taller, watching as Chanyeol went to open his mouth, “O-Oh, Is this your boyfriend?”

 

It was almost a slap in the face when Chanyeol was dragged back to the reality that Baekhyun was taken. He felt idiotic for his previous words just moments ago in the alleyway, his heart over his mind speaking for him at that time.

 

Byun Baekhyun wasn’t his to keep. He never will be. And that simple reality made his heart twist in yearning what could be. 

 

Hesitation was vivid on Jaegeun’s side, yet his face rested, a smile pulling at his lips. “Yes, I am.” Giving Baekhyun’s arms a tight squeeze as a warning before releasing them, extending his hand for Chanyeol to shake, “I’m Kim Jaegeun, and you are?”

“Park Chanyeol.” The college student replied, shaking the man’s hand whose iron grip tightening around his palm.

 

Chanyeol felt out of place like a wedge in the middle of awkward tension. He pulled his arm back by his side as the taller watched Jaegeun put his arm around Baekhyun, “Ah, I was just coming to pick Baekhyunnie up early.” Yet, the smaller knew that was a blatant lie, “I had plans to take him out after his shift. Right, Baek?” Baekhyun gives a small forced smile, ‘ _ Remember you can’t drag him into it, Baekhyun. Go along with it.’  _ He reminds himself as he responds, “Yeah, we were.” The bartender was quick to reply moments after.

 

It wasn’t like this act Jaegeun put on hadn’t come up before. It was a repetitive thing especially in public and Baekhyun knew every time this happened, it only meant more trouble to come. “Oh, sorry if I held Baekhyun up.” Chanyeol bit down on his lower lip as his eyes focused on the smaller whose eyes were telling a different story from the smile on his lips, “We were just talking.” He continued.

 

Baekhyun’s gaze stuck to Chanyeol, basking in the last time he’d see the latter. Especially now that the poor fool was giving into his boyfriend’s act. But, can he blame Chanyeol?  Everyone else does too. So did his mother, who fell for his father’s facade of charm and false hopes of a perfect life together. Abusers are the perfect example of showing off for what they want.

 

“...I see,” Jaegeun speaks as he glances down at Baekhyun. Confirming his suspicions as he plasters yet another fake smile, looking down at the smaller, “How about you skip the rest of your shift, Baek? I have better plans for us.” His mouth spoke innocent words that anyone would brush off, yet his eyes told him he was a goner once they got home.

 

“But- “Baekhyun almost speaks out of place yet corrects himself, “Um, yeah. I-I’m free to go.”

 

Chanyeol observed Baekhyun’s body language and the hesitation lingering in his words, confused by the meaning of it. Baekhyun seemed so tense and nervous, the student couldn’t pinpoint why. Yet, it dawned on him that Baekhyun didn’t clock out, he was only on a break. “Weren’t you just on a brea- “He went to question him until Baekhyun’s voiced overlapped his.

 

“Let’s go ahead and go, I’ll ask Heechul to clock me out.” Baekhyun was quick to intercept and shoot a smile at his boyfriend, hoping his cooperation will soften the blows to come. Maybe, Jaegeun was feeling nice today but that was a distant wish one could only pray for.

His boyfriend’s arm fell from around his body to grab his wrist, “Yeah, let’s go.” Jaegeun tightened his grip on the other’s slim wrist, making his breath hitch in pain. “It was nice meeting you, Chanyeol.” His boyfriend spoke with his wicked smile still lacing his lips.

 

Chanyeol whose eyes stuck to Baekhyun still as he replied, “Yeah. Have a nice time.” Baekhyun throws a glance at him one last time, flashing him a look that showed no happiness lingering in his hues. Jaegeun began pulling Baekhyun away, the eyebrows of the other scrunched up as anxiety ripples through him the further he got from Chanyeol.

In his last moments, Baekhyun was hoping Chanyeol would pick up on his wavering glances, yearning for him to stop them or say more to stall his boyfriend. “Oh, we will.” Jaegeun replies, tugging him away from the other.

 

Chanyeol was aching to say more, the latter felt like he needed to especially after that weird conversation he and the smaller had in the alleyway. So many things were left unsaid and the unwelcoming feeling of trouble lingering deep in his gut wasn’t helping. Yet, he stood there in bitter silence as Baekhyun was pulled away from him once more.

Baekhyun’s pleading gaze falling from him moments after and he turned away continuing to walk on the familiar path his boyfriend was dragging him down.

Chanyeol brushes it off to soothe his anxiety for the time being. easing his mind with the fact he’d ask Baekhyun later.

 

‘ _ There’s always another time. _ ’

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Yet, three going on four weeks have passed and that time seems like it’s never going to come. A few days after their last meeting, Chanyeol decided he couldn’t sit any longer with his bearing questions and consciousness bugging him.

He finally mustered up the courage to message the bartender,

**[chan]: 2:30 PM: January 23rd:**

‘ _ Are we okay? Or, most importantly, are you? You were acting so weird the other day when we spoke. I hope you’re okay :(.’ _

Quickly setting his phone down after sending the nerve-wracking text, Chanyeol expected a message back within a few hours. Yet, that didn’t seem to happen. The student tried to soothe his mind by excusing Baekhyun for just being busy today and maybe not having the time.

So, he waited until the next day and still no message from Baekhyun popped up on his screen. ‘ _ Give it another day, you’re expecting too much _ .’ Chanyeol tried to tell himself and let her another day pass.

Nothing.

And another day,

_ nothing _ .

And another,

‘ _ How about I give him the rest of the week? Maybe he needs space _ .’ and Chanyeol lets the week flew by and still nothing was said.

Filled to the brim with curiosity, he threw his logic of ‘Baekhyun needing space’ out the window. If Baekhyun was upset with him, he needed to tell him up front and be honest with him. Chanyeol luckily has the time to stop by Baekhyun’s workplace. Blessing his professor for ending their lecture early today.

Yet, when he walked into the dead establishment which was the typical atmosphere mid-day on a Monday for a bar, he was surprised when he saw Heechul’s face behind the bar island this time. He could have sworn Baekhyun usually worked around this time daily? Chanyeol glanced around hoping to find the other, yet with no sight of the smaller, he made his way to the counter.

“Oh, I didn’t expect to see you so early on a Monday. Want your regular?” The co-worker questioned Chanyeol and again, the fact he was considered a regular here made him quite concerned with himself. But, he could care less about that right now.

“Byun Baekhyun, the other bartender that works here. Is he here today?” Chanyeol was quick to question as Heechul could practically read the worry on his face. Yet, with a small frown, he shakes his head, “He didn’t tell you?” Heechul asks as Chanyeol’s eyebrows scrunch up.

“Tell me what?”

“Baekhyun quit his job.”

“ _ What _ ? When?”

Chanyeol was taken back by the statement. He knew Baekhyun didn’t adore bartending but, he did know the smaller liked his job, nonetheless. The fact Baekhyun left his position with no caution made his stomach knot up in worry.

“I’d say maybe four days ago. No notice either just called and quit.” Heechul answered, aiding to his consistent worry. Baekhyun wouldn’t go to such lengths all because he was upset with Chanyeol, right? There  _ has _ to be something else.

“That’s…” Chanyeol’s dry mouth began to speak until Heechul cut him off, “Odd. Yes, I know.”

Chanyeol stood there for a moment, processing new and unexpected information. “Thank you for telling me.” He hesitantly speaks as he goes to walk out the bar, trying to wrap his head around the ordeal.

_ Byun Baekhyun, just what in the fuck are you doing? _

“Hey-“ Heechul called out causing Chanyeol to stop and look over his shoulder at the other, “If you hear from him, tell me. I want to make sure he’s okay as well.” Chanyeol only nodded in response as he pushed his way past the bar doors.

This uneasy feeling carried him all the way into the middle of the night while shifting in bed his limbs were unable to get comfortable with his thoughts clouded.

After two hours of endlessly trying to get sleep, the taller couldn’t seem to let his worries subside. Chanyeol drags himself to his small bathroom, flicking on the lights. Instantly, turns on the broken faucet as he runs the cool water over his fingers and dabbling the water on his face. His soaked hands covering his face as he sat there for a moment, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he pulled his hands away. The cool water only helping him relax for a few moments but, it was better than no ease at all.

Chanyeol’s gaze glued to his reflection in the mirror, his eyes scanning his features. It was a typical habit to do since these wounds on his body began to turn up.

Turning his head, a bit to reveal the dark bruise painting his jawline, damped fingers reach up to graze the wound. Chanyeol could have sworn the bruise wasn’t there earlier, yet it wasn’t uncommon for them to just appear unexpectedly. He steps back to reveal his body more to the mirror, expecting to find more. There were always more strange injuries to discover along with the map of his body.

Pulling his shirt off, Chanyeol’s fingers danced along with the purple bruising along his ribcage, marks that have been there for days now and yet, have only seemed to worsen. Rolling his head to the side to look down his left arm, noticing the red marks and small bruises along his veins. And finally, to his neck where the marks from before having yet to fully disappear from his skin. Marks that were yet again old and only seem to remain.

A long-drawn-out sigh pushed past his lips as his expression twisted in concern. Maybe, Sehun was right. Chanyeol needed to get his shit together and figure out what was wrong with him. Because whatever this condition is it’s making him look worse every passing day, he continued to let it stick around.

Yet, he couldn’t find the motivation in himself to even bother, Chanyeol wanted nothing more right now than to sleep away from his worries. It can be dealt with another day.

There’s always another day,  _ right _ ? It was a once calming thought Chanyeol began to question.

Yet, his oncoming days consumed him in nothing but anguish over Byun  _ fucking _ Baekhyun. The constant idea of itching to contact Baekhyun yet backing out of the idea moment before his finger could even dare to press the ‘ _ send _ ’ button. Sometimes, he still sent some messages but, not the amount he wanted to, fooling himself to think Baekhyun needed more space that maybe he was going through a lot. Chanyeol was doing everything he could to convince his antsy mind that he was doing nothing but overreacting.

**[suggested song to play from fanfic playlist: it’s u by cavetown]**

Slouching over the textbook laid in his lap and his music blared out of his phone from his playlist labeled ‘ _ depressing songs _ ’. His eyes looked down at the pages of Anthropology yet, he was retaining none of the knowledge in-front of him. Chanyeol was swimming in his thoughts as he pondered on the question stuck in the back of his mind for days,

‘ _ Why do I care so much? Why did I get so attached?’ _

And honestly, Chanyeol wasn’t sure how to properly answer those pondering questions. He only knew the warmth bursting in his chest when he was around Baekhyun, how the other’s smile could make any worries melt away. How easy it was to talk to Baekhyun and how wonderfully they connected despite seeming like complete opposites. It was something no last-minute tinder hook-up could ever compare to, an unknown feeling that only Baekhyun could bring him. It all happened so quickly and yet, he doesn’t regret a second of it. Chanyeol adored Baekhyun’s company and the amazing feeling his existence embraced him with.

Maybe, more than he should.

Chanyeol always denied any attraction to Baekhyun, he knew he had to. Constantly reminding himself that Baekhyun wasn’t free for him to have and that was a constant reality check for the college student. A reality check that always caused guilt to seize within him whenever they’d get too close. Yet, in the end, Chanyeol knew he couldn’t help but bask in the beauty and warmth of Byun Baekhyun letting the addictive sensation consume him.

And yet, here he is. Undeniably and hopelessly fallen for the other and Chanyeol could feel the heartbreak that is leading up to this. A feeling already evident in his heart with the disappearance of the other. If he lost Baekhyun for good, Chanyeol felt like he’d lose apart of himself. Baekhyun was a reflection of everything he’s wanted out of life and even, from himself. He was grateful they’ve crossed paths in this unpredictable life. Honestly, Chanyeol felt selfish for never wanting that feeling to leave.

He never knew what he’d do when the day would come when the eternal joy and light that Byun Baekhyun brought him would come to an end but, Chanyeol didn’t expect this hollow feeling to come so suddenly. The feeling caved in on him so fast, it felt like nothing but a kick to the stomach. And now, here he is, laying here breathless and his mind rattling with endless possibilities stuck on one, haunting word, ‘ _ Why?’ _

_ Why _ have you decided to drop and leave what you knew behind?  _ Why _ are you doing this to yourself?  _ Why  _ are you keeping me in the dark?

And most importantly, just  _ what  _ has caused you to do this?

So many questions that’ll remain unanswered as three weeks have passed and there has been no sight of Baekhyun. Not a single word spoken, not a single text answered. It was as if the smaller took off and left the city as he talked about before, an option Chanyeol hasn’t ruled out yet.

Three weeks of internally battling with himself between the fact of giving Baekhyun space and the urge to run to his apartment to just find out what the fuck was his deal. An urge he succumbed to after letting his mind wander too much for his own good in the comforts of his apartment one night.

Chanyeol didn’t give it a second thought when he found himself rushing down the busy streets of the city on a Friday night. Mindlessly bee-lining his way on the path to what he could remember of Baekhyun’s apartment. Yet, once he finally reached his destination and stumbled onto the small porch of the complex, Chanyeol froze.

His eyes stared back at the buttons to signal a buzz to Baekhyun’s apartment. Conflicted by if he should even dare and just what fucking number was his apartment again? Biting down on his bottom lip, Chanyeol convinced himself he’s waited long enough. He couldn’t stand relying on ‘ _ what if’s _ regarding if Baekhyun was okay anymore, he really wanted to be reassured of this anxious feeling bubbling inside of him. Even, if he just didn’t want anything to do with Chanyeol anymore, the simple fact that Baekhyun was okay would be enough for him.

He raised his hand to linger over the buttons, eyes glancing down to the small cuts and bruises along his knuckles for a brief second. Shaking the thoughts away, he motioned his hand to the number ‘209’ on the keypad. If he could recall correctly, this was the one Baekhyun pressed before that code.

_ Oh _ yeah, that code.

He debated shrouding in his mind to remember that code, but he pushed away taking that leap due to the fact Chanyeol just believed it was a step he shouldn’t take to invade Baekhyun’s apartment uninvited with no reason. At least with his way, Baekhyun has more of an option to hear him out or not.

He prayed up and down in his head that hopefully, this was the right button to click, as Chanyeol pressed the pad of his finger against it. The button began to blink, indicating it was ringing for the resident.

The constant blinking continued for several moments, straining to the point Chanyeol felt regret and guilt twist in his stomach already. The taller felt stupid thinking he could just show up here and expect Baekhyun to suddenly answer him, a complete foolish thought. It wasn’t until the red light stood still and a small beep came over the outside intercom indicating someone had answered it.

Taken back by the answer of the intercom, Chanyeol quickly got his words together, “H-Hello? Is this Byun Baekhyun’s apartment? Ah...I-I really hope I got the right number.” Yet, he nonetheless stumbled over them in nervousness. With no answer still, Chanyeol continued, “Oh! This is Park Chanyeol, by the way. Um...” He presses his lips together.

Nothing. No response to his words, not a single sound. Yet, someone was listening.

Whoever it was.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re o-okay. I’ve been worried about you and I hope you don’t mind that, I just- “He took a deep breath, “...The fact it seems like you’ve disappeared concerns me a lot.”

With no reply lingering in the air, Chanyeol’s uneasiness was getting the best of him. “I hope you’re okay and if you’re not? I hope you are with time, Hyunee. I’m sorry for disturbing you, I'll get going and see you around...” The student went to turn away and walk down the porch yet mumbled a small, “I hope.” under his breath.

Hands stuffed in his pockets and disappointment dragging him down, Chanyeol’s mind rang with the burdening questions on why he even bothered, what did he think he’d get out of this? Yet, over his cloud of disappointment, Chanyeol was glad that at least he knew Baekhyun, or whoever answered that intercom heard his words.

At least that pressure was off him, sort of.

This time his words weren’t just left in his thoughts or on an unanswered text thread, Chanyeol got to say what he knew was best to say to Baekhyun and to Chanyeol? right now, that’s all that mattered.

-

Baekhyun slipped out of the comforts of his shared bed as he shuffled his way into the kitchen. Despite, his restless thoughts typically keeping him up, this time it was the soreness lingering in his limbs. The pain still wavering even after a few days of his and Jaegun’s last... _ altercation _ .

Bruised knuckles extended to reach for the ibuprofen on the shelf over his counter, popping open the familiar bottle he constantly went to. Yet, the moment the two red pills fell into his palm, Baekhyun heard his intercom alarm softly going off. Movements were frozen and eyebrows scrunched, the smaller wondered just who the  _ hell _ was ringing his bell at this god-awful time of the night.

Placing the pills down, he made his way over to the small device mounted to his wall. Grateful that the sound wasn’t loud enough to wake his sleeping boyfriend. An annoyed sigh escaped his lips as Baekhyun debated even answering the intercom. Maybe, it was some disgustingly drunk asshole who just has the wrong apartment number. A burglar? A murderer?

The pad of his finger lingered over the button, Baekhyun knows he should feel unsettled and to a degree, he does. Yet, he can’t help but feel intrigued by this odd occurrence. That glimmer of curiosity and solace caused him to answer the unknown person.

Yet, no words dared to slip from Baekhyun’s lips. The smaller wanted the stranger on the other side to speak to him first, the peculiarity creeping up on him more and more. With a short moment of silence, Baekhyun went to open his mouth to waver out a small, ‘ _ Hello _ ?’ But it seemed whoever was on the other side beat him to it first.

“H-Hello? Is this Byun Baekhyun’s apartment?” And the moment when that familiar voice hits him, Baekhyun felt like the wind was knocked out of him.

_ Chanyeol. _

“Ah...I-I really hope I got the right number.” The other continued to talk whilst Baekhyun stood there dumbfounded and tight-lipped.

“Oh! This is Park Chanyeol, by the way. Um...” He could hear the nervousness hesitating in his tone. There was a short moment of silence and it seemed Chanyeol was pausing for a reply yet, Baekhyun couldn’t utter a word. He wasn’t sure if it was even the right thing to do at this point. Yes, Chanyeol deserved a reply. He’s deserved it since the beginning. Baekhyun has hesitated for hours to breaking into his locked away the phone and calling him, forced to dodge him at every location he knows Chanyeol could be, and even going to the length of quitting his job. Well, Baekhyun can’t entirely blame himself for those aspects.

After they returned home weeks ago, just as the smaller had predicted hell broke loose once more. Jaegeun demanded Baekhyun to never see Chanyeol again and this time, he was going to make sure it happened. This resulted in Chanyeol’s number being blocked on his cell on top of having it taken and locked in a drawer where he couldn’t get a hold of it, hardly leaving the apartment unless Jaegeun is attached to his hip and forcing Baekhyun to leave his job for good.

Of course, Baekhyun protested. At first, he fought tooth and nail for Jaegeun to let go of his tyrant ways. He knew he had to try, just once more to pull away from his impending fate with Jaegeun. But, fighting only made the bruises worse.

And Baekhyun didn’t want to be sore anymore.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re o-okay. I’ve been worried about you and I hope you don’t mind that, I just- “Baekhyun’s heart ached at every word that slipped from Chanyeol quivering lips. Finding himself fighting back tears as he continued, “...The fact that it seems like you’ve disappeared concerns me a lot.”

‘ _ And the fact that I had to disappear from you breaks my heart. _ ’ Baekhyun thought to himself as his bit down on his lower lip, he wanted to speak. He wanted to yell at Chanyeol that he was right there all along and explain to him why he had to go. Spill his guts to him and run. Runaway with Chanyeol hand in hand from all his problems and the troubling fate he had succumbed to. Yearning for happiness that lingered in what he and Chanyeol once had.

But that was only a fantasy. One of those that you can only dream of, and that no matter how much your heart wishes for them to come true, they never do.

“I hope you’re okay and if you’re not? I hope you are with time, Hyunee.” Baekhyun knew he wouldn’t be, there was no way he could be when he’s trapped in a never-ending loop of hell ever since he was young. “I’m sorry for disturbing you, I'll get going and see you around...” ‘ _ Why are you apologizing? None of this is your fault. _ ’ Baekhyun desperately wanted to speak, just to give Chanyeol a small sign that he was here and how he wasn’t avoiding him on his own free will.

That urge grew stronger and stronger as silence filled through the intercom. Swallowing the lump in his throat and high on nothing but free whim, Baekhyun presses the button to speak, “Chanyeol!” He quickly speaks as quiet as he can. But, with no response he tries again, heart hammering in his chest, “Chanyeol, it’s me. God, are you still the-?”

Baekhyun pauses for a moment, cutting his sentence off just in time to hear the bedroom door swing open. His heart sank into his stomach as uneasiness filled his body. An awoken Jaegeun walks into the living room, rubbing his groggy eyes, “What are you doing? Who are you talking to?”

“Sorry if I woke you up.” Baekhyun gathers himself quickly to lower his boyfriend’s suspicions, “Someone was rigging the intercom. I was checking to see who it was.” Baekhyun explained and, well, it wasn’t like he was  _ completely  _ lying to him. “And?” Jaegeun mumbled as he lowers his hand from his eyes. Baekhyun begins to walk away from the intercom as he explains, “Nobody really. Just some random guy asking for that girl on the third floor again, you know the one who always has random hook-ups coming by.”

Baekhyun bit down on his bottom lip waiting for a reply from his groggy boyfriend, “Jesus Christ, this is like the third time that’s happened. You think she’d at least provide the right apartment number if she’s going to have people over at god awful hours.” Annoyance laced in the tone of Jaegeun but what made Baekhyun calm down was the fact the other seemed to buy his excuse.

“Yes, it is a nuisance.” He agrees to continue playing off his lie. As much as Baekhyun was relieved at that moment that Chanyeol didn’t reply as Jaegeun woke up, a part of him yearned that he would. He wanted nothing but to speak to the other again. Even if it was just for a few seconds.

“Let’s go back to bed,” Baekhyun speaks as he’s already making his way back to his bedroom with Jaegun not too far behind him. Taking not only himself but his mess of mixed emotions with him back to the comforts of his sheets. At least there, Baekhyun can find serenity in the shambles called his life.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

It took everything out of Chanyeol to peel himself away from his bed. Typically, on weekends the tired giant wasted his day away in the comforts of his sheets with his laptop accompanying him. Especially, after the rough few weeks, Chanyeol has been through he didn’t have the energy to do anything but lay there and wither away for all he cared.

But, after an unexpected midnight call from Sehun a few nights ago who finally got his awaited promotion at work and his constant whining for Chanyeol to come to his small party to celebrate it, the latter agreed to attend. He just assured himself maybe it was best to surround himself with people and a little booze again.

Drinking was something Chanyeol had neglected for a bit. Too consumed in his studies, work, and the complicated feelings he was going through, it was almost as if it slipped his mind. Or maybe, he just couldn’t bother going into that bar again without seeing Baekhyun’s shit-eating grin staring back at him behind the counter.

He knew he needed to move on and yet, he couldn’t figure out how.

You’d think because Chanyeol was so used to the constant hook-ups and neglect from past lovers, he’d learn a thing or two when it’s time to move on from that constant high those people fulfilled him with. As well, him and Baekhyun weren’t involved in a huge romantic aspect. Sure, they flirted and indulged in the presence of each other but, when it comes to the truth, they weren’t boyfriends.

And yet, Chanyeol can’t seem to become sober off Baekhyun’s existence. There was something different about the smaller and the connection between them that ignited genuine happiness inside Chanyeol’s heart. It was something he has never experienced with anyone else he used to proclaim that he ‘ _ loved _ ’. It felt as if their paths were meant to be crossed.

Baekhyun was like an addiction that Chanyeol never wanted to grow out of no matter how much he desired to.

And now? He’s suddenly forced to break free of himself from that. How could Chanyeol ever move on from a feeling so unique? The thought baffled him, and the sad truth was that the latter knew he had to.

Maybe, his friends could help him find that path.

-

Chanyeol knocked on the door of Sehun’s apartment with a bottle of booze in a brown bag in his other hand. Moments later, a smiling Sehun was standing in front of him with Jongin accompanying him at his side, “Finally, you made it.” He gleamed. “I told you I wouldn’t miss it,” Chanyeol replied as Sehun ushered him inside as the latter handed his friend the alcohol. “Yeah because being an hour late isn’t missing anything at all, Chanyeol.” Jongin sarcastically intersected the conversation, “I’m going to talk to some guests. I’ll be back, babe.” Jongin spoke to Sehun pecking him on the lips for a short kiss before turning away. Chanyeol slipped off his shoes, “Nice to see you both are still up each other’s asses.” He said to Sehun who ignored his complaining as he carried the gift, “You’re just bitter because you’re lonely.”

The student rolled his eyes as he looked around, noticing the decent amount of people filling the living room with drinks in hand and conversations in the air. Chanyeol followed Sehun into kitchen watching as he pulled the bottle out.

“Bacardi? Hell yeah. This is a great promotion gift, but you know what would've been better- “Sehun laughed as he turned around to face Chanyeol yet halted his sentence. Chanyeol’s face scrunched up in confusion, “What?” as he saw the other’s eyebrows knit together, stepping closer to Chanyeol as eyes scanned down his face and structure, “What’s your damage?” He asked Sehun again with confusion nipping at his tone.

“Have you not fucking seen your face? Or your whole entire body perhaps?” Sehun questions him and Chanyeol only raises an eyebrow at his statement, “What do you mean? Do I have something on me?” The student questioned again, lifting his hand to brush against his face until Sehun halted and tugged his arm without another word. Pulling him out of the kitchen and down the hall, “Um, are you going to explain what you’re fucking doing?” Chanyeol protests yet Sehun continued to push his way through the small swarm people and opened the door to the hallway bathroom. Flicking on the light and pushing them both into the washroom, “How about you have something  _ all  _ over you.”

Chanyeol stared back at his reflection in the mirror, something he was used to be consistent with since his condition started. Yet, since he’s been busy and frankly, too depressed to care about anything let alone his appearance, it seems it was yet another habit that has slipped. Unlike the past times of his condition with the small bruising and occasional cuts, this time it was the worst state he’s ever seen himself in.

Dark bruising littered his arms with small ones accompanying his face, a new cut to sport on his top lip, and that red ring marking his neck that once was healing only seeming to get worse. Staring back at himself in the reflection, Chanyeol could hardly recognize himself. “Jesus...” He breathlessly spoke with Sehun at his side. He felt a pair of hands gently grab his shoulders and turning himself towards his best friend, “Chanyeol.” Sehun spoke in a serious tone and frankly, when Chanyeol heard that voice coming from his best friend, it meant he means business.

“Nobody is hurting you, right? That..that  _ guy _ , Baekhyun...he hasn’t-“

“No!” Chanyeol instantly protested, “He wouldn’t, and I told you already, w-we aren’t talking anymore.” Chanyeol stammered as sadness was evident in his tone towards the end of his sentence.

Though, Sehun stares at him with the look that he was unconvinced by his truthful statement. “I promise, Sehun,” Chanyeol added on and as a long pause erupted from his last words, a defeated sigh left his friend’s lips momentarily filling the tense air. Hands falling from his shoulders as Sehun crossed them over his chest, “This is still the medical problem we discussed?”

“Yes, I-I didn’t even know they were this bad.” Chanyeol spoke in disbelief as he glanced at his reflection once more, “I guess I just been too busy to notice.”

“You’re too busy to notice your body is littered in wounds? Nobody said anything to you?”

Chanyeol took a seat on the edge of the bathtub, “I mean, I just got weird stares, they don’t hurt, and I just always wear hoodies so- “

“Jesus Christ.”

Sehun’s worry was evident in his tone and expression, “I told you that you need to take care of yourself, Chanyeol. Things won’t magically just get better with your... _ condition _ . I told you to go get those blood tests done, you never listen!” His best friend ranted, opening his mouth to continue scolding Chanyeol until the bathroom door opened.

Jongin popped his head into the room, “Oh, there you are.” Sehun’s boyfriend says as his eyes fall upon him, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” He walks in and closes the bathroom door behind him, “What’s going on?” Jongin questions him as he notices the distressed look on Sehun’s face. Eyes moving over to pry into Chanyeol and his eyebrows immediately knit together, “Christ. What happened to you?” Jongin questions.

Sehun let out a sigh, “I kept telling him to get checked out, but he never listens.” He simply puts it, too annoyed to go into details. “You’re saying these…” Jongin takes another glance, “wounds aren’t intentional?” Which Chanyeol intersects to answer, “No, of course not.,” The student glances down at his bruised arms, “It’s just...something I’m going through, that’s all.”

“Yeah, sure because horrendous wounds randomly showing up on your body frequently is just something that you’re ‘ _ going through _ ’.” Sehun huffs. Jongin opened his mouth to say something yet decided against it. He opened the cupboard stored behind the bathroom mirror, pulling out some bandages. “Sehun.” His boyfriend speaks up, changing direction in the conversation, “How about you go get Chanyeol some clothes to cover up some of those bruises and I’ll cover up the ones still visible with some first-aid?” Jongin offers as Sehun glances over back at Chanyeol, “I guess that’ll be for good right now, it’s better than having people question what happened to you all night.” His best friend answers.

“You think you’d actually have clothes that’ll fit me? I’m quite- “

“Lanky? I know.” Sehun cuts him off until he continues, “Give me about ten minutes. I’ll try my best.” He states as he makes his exit out of the bathroom, leaving Jongin and Chanyeol in overwhelming silence as Jongin sat across from him on the toilet cover, hand outstretched for Chanyeol’s left arm. He looked up at Jongin with a reassuring expression, “You don’t have to, I don’t want you to waste your time. I promise, they don’t hurt, Jongin.”

The other shakes his head, “Nonsense.” He continues as he gently grabs Chanyeol’s hand to begin wrapping his bruised knuckles with the cloth bandages, “I don’t mind helping. Regardless, they need to be covered up for at least tonight.” With a few moments of silence lingering between them, Jongin speaks up again, “So, these wounds, do they just appear?”

Chanyeol tilted his head almost questioning why Jongin would even want to know, but who wouldn’t? It was fucking abnormal and made anyone wonder. Hell, even Chanyeol still does as he is left in the dark about his condition. “Yeah, quite randomly.” The student answers as Sehun’s boyfriend lets go of his freshly bandaged hand, moving on to the other.

“How long has this been going on?”

“I want to say two years almost.”

The other looks up at him a bit, “And let me guess, doctors can’t explain what’s going on either.”

Chanyeol’s eyebrows scrunched together for a moment, “How did you-  _ Oh,” _ He relaxes, “I guess maybe Sehun told you. I forget he has a big mouth.”

Jongin remained silent as he finished patching the most visible wounds littering his hands and wrists, “There, all don- “The other pauses his sentence as he looks up at Chanyeol’s face, eyes scanning down to his neck. “Is it that bad?” The student commented. “It’s definitely not the best.” Jongin sarcastic spoke as he stood up and opened the mirror cupboard again, pulling out a small makeup bag.

“Sehun would kill me if he knew I was going through his make-up, but it’ll make your face look a bit...brighter.” The other said as he pulled out the liquid foundation and powder, “Does this look like your color?” He questions Chanyeol who knows not one thing about makeup, “Uh, sure.”

Without another second to spare, Jongin opened the liquid and poured a small amount on the top of his hand, a small sponge in his other hand. “Actually, this will buy us some time,” Jongin speaks as he dabbled the blender in the mixture.

“Time? For what?”

The other put his hand under Chanyeol’s chin to lift his head up in his direction as he began to pat the foundation lightly onto Chanyeol’s face, he could tell Jongin was hesitant with his next words.

“Chanyeol, you’ve been seeing that one boy, right? Baekhyun? Sehun mentioned it to me.”

“Not anymore but yes we were…”

“Well, this leads into my next question. Do you believe in soulmates?” Jongin finally spoke and honestly, that was the last question Chanyeol expected to hear come from the other.

“What does this have to do with- “

“Just answer me.”

A small sigh slipped past his lips as he decided to entertain Jongin’s weird question, “I mean, I’m not sure. I do feel like there’s someone for everyone out there but- “

“Is it a yes or no?”

“...I don’t know. What does this have to do with anything, Jongin? Are you drunk or something?”

Patting down the foundation lightly on one of the bruises sporting Chanyeol’s cheekbone. Jongin continued, “I’m not drunk, It’s a serious question.”

Chanyeol sighed as he gave in, “...And to give an answer to your weird ass question, as much as I would like to believe there’s someone for everyone, I just don’t think soulmates itself exists. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Jongin tilted Chanyeol’s head to the side to cover another bruise on the side of his face, “And if I told you the concept of soulmates as individuals destined to be together exclusively with each other itself exists?”

“I’d say you’re on drugs.”

“Does everything lead back to addiction for you?” Sehun’s boyfriend scrunches his eyebrows together with his response, ‘ _ Well, kinda. His whole life was surrounded by it.’ _ Chanyeol thought to himself.

“Just hear me out.”

The other moved down to cover Chanyeol’s jawline in the foundation, slowly moving down to gently pat the markings ringed around his neck, “Your situation is just familiar to me. Not this extreme but, nonetheless it’s relevant.” Jongin spoke as Chanyeol fell dumbfounded when the conversation went in a direction he wasn’t expecting, “What do you mean? You’ve experienced this?”

Jongin paused for a moment as he patted more product off his hand, “Sehun has told you how we met, right?”

“Yeah, he said you two got close while doing a project for work together.”

“You remember how big of a clutz Sehun is when he’s nervous?”

“God yes, I recall him always stressing to me how much he embarrassed himself in front of you that day in the midst of trying to impress you.” Chanyeol let out a small laugh, “It was quite funny.”

Jongin cracked a small smile at the memory, “Yeah, It was until I noticed something.” With that sentence, Chanyeol’s smile slipped from his lips. The other continued, “One day while working together, Sehun cut the tip of his finger on a piece of paper. It was quite bloody despite how minor it was.”

“Where are you going with this?”

Yet, Jongin ignored Chanyeol’s small comments, “In the midst of grabbing him a bandage, I noticed my finger was bleeding as well. Same spot, similar slits.”

‘ _ Just like some of our wounds... _ ’ Chanyeol thought to himself, thinking back to the cut on Baekhyun’s lip when they first met, both having wrist injuries at the same time, and the occurrence where they both wore turtlenecks, possibly to hide a ring of bruis-

_ ‘What the fuck was I going on about?’  _ The taller instantly halted his thoughts. Was he seriously giving into Jongin’s story right now?

Chanyeol instantly pushed those thoughts away out of stubbornness, “That could just be a coincidence, Jongin.” Chanyeol stubbornly intersected once more. A comment in which Sehun’s boyfriend acknowledged this time. “You know, I thought the same for a while, until things just got weirder.”

Chanyeol continued to listen as the other continued, “Then it started to happen every time he’d accidentally hurt himself in minor ways. It was starting to get very odd even he started to notice but I never told him my suspicions.”

“And what are your suspicions? You’re not saying that- “

“That we’re soulmates?” Jongin paused for a second as he started to finish covering up Chanyeol’s neck, “...I only started to when I remembered a story my grandmother told me when I was younger and did more research into the topic as I got older. She was always a story-teller, she’d tell me one just before bed every night. They all were silly, folklore, and child-like. Yet, this one? She was quite serious about.”

This time Chanyeol held his tongue yet his mind was fighting back harshly to fight the idea Jongin was trying to bring up. Him and Baekhyun? Soulmates? If they were soulmates, why did Baekhyun leave him then? Why did Baekhyun hurt him?  _ Why _ -.

Jongin’s voice cut off Chanyeol’s racing, selfish thoughts, “She told me that long ago, a man named Plato wrote up a theory in his book called ‘Symposium’, in a section called Aristophanes, he wrote that humans were once made with: four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces.”

“Jongin, that’s ridiculous- “

“The Greek gods feared the power these humans held. Because of so, these humans were split from each other, bound them to spend their whole lives searching for their perfect other halves.” Jongin continued to tell the passed down story as he pulled the blending sponge away from Chanyeol’s neck and stepping back to get a good glimpse of the student’s face. Making sure every nook and cranny was covered from the public eye.

“And where did you get that? Tumblr?” Chanyeol huffed as he laughed, “I’m sorry it’s just hard to believe.”

Yet, Jongin didn’t crack a smile, “I’m serious, Chanyeol. Take it as you will. It’s also the reason I haven’t mentioned it to Sehun.” Jongin spoke to grab a tissue to wipe the liquid foundation off his hand, “But don’t say I didn’t try to tell you.” He spoke in a serious tone that made Chanyeol’s grin fall from his lips. To think of it, it was quite rare seeing Jongin so serious. Usually, the latter was the life of the party, always giggling and poking fun at Sehun alongside Chanyeol.

This leads the taller to continue, “And why do you think I’m suddenly going to believe you? You do understand just how bizarre you sound, correct?” Chanyeol continued to defend his stance. It was a thought filled with nothing but passed-down folklore, nothing more. nothing less.

...Right?

“I’m aware. Do the research yourself  then if you don’t want to believe me,” Sehun’s boyfriend looked at Chanyeol after putting away Sehun’s makeup back in its place behind the mirror, shutting it as he continued to speak, “I forget you don’t believe anyone’s words but your own anyway.” Yet, Chanyeol ignored that comment for a moment. And remembered an aspect that Jongin mentioned that he’s never even mentioned this to Sehun. “What do you mean you haven’t told him? Is it that serious?”

Jongin’s silence was pestering at first until he opened his mouth, “It’s a tedious, complicated subject. You’ll understand soon. It’s not something you can just go around telling.”

And before Chanyeol could argue back with his statement, Sehun twisted the doorknob and pushed his way in. “Okay, I think I found what I could.” His best friend said as he threw a long-sleeved dress shirt his way, “I forgot I bought a shirt not too long ago that was way too big for me, so It should fit.”

“I’m not sure if I should take that as an insult or not but, thanks?” Chanyeol spoke with uncertainty in his tone.

“No problem. Now get dressed and meet us out here when you’re done.” Sehun spoke as he turned to walk out the door. Reaching back as he intertwined his and Jongin’s hands to pull his boyfriend out with him back into the party, leaving the door agape for Jongin to follow behind.

The latter brushed passed Chanyeol with nothing but a glance his way before he shut the door behind him. Leaving Chanyeol alone with nothing but his swirling thoughts on the bizarre story Jongin had told me.

‘ _ Do the research yourself then _ .’ His voice rang in Chanyeol’s head, “Fine.” He whispered under his breath as he pulled off his short sleeves, “Maybe I will.”

-

Chanyeol took homage in his school’s library the day after the party. Having to stay back to wait for his next class anyway, he didn’t see any harm in poking around to pass the time. The student lingered in the multiple shelves of book, indulging in the silence filling the library.

The student took his time, stopping for a few moments to glance over books that Chanyeol would pull out of their spot on the shelves only to gently place them back moments later. Maybe, taking one or two that piqued his interest enough to check out.

Chanyeol began to drift to the farther shelves held in the back of the room as he noticed the books ranging from mystery to romance changing into dictionaries, education novels, and history books. One might say, the least interesting and very much, the less explored section of a library. But it didn’t stop his feet from moving on to the next aisle.

He remembered what Jongin mentioned, a book called—... ‘ _ Symposium _ ,  _ right _ ?’ Chanyeol asked himself in his head as his fingers lingered over the spines of books. Eyes endlessly searching for the familiar words as he played with the hem of his turtleneck one, he had to sport in this spring weather due to the bruising ringing his neck and arms still prominent. On the verge of giving up his search until the last row where he found the small beige and blue book. The book sported nothing on the front but the title and the author's name, plain and simple as that.

Chanyeol stares down at the book clutched in his hands as he was starting to reconsider his actions. Why is he even feeding into Jongin’s fairytale? What would it even mean in the end? Even if this bullshit was true,  _ why would it matter anymore if Baekhyun didn’t want him in his life?  _

Again, those pestering, selfish thoughts poisoned his mind.

He huffed as Chanyeol walked over to the computers, setting the book down beside the keyboard as he sat down. Maybe looking at ridiculous articles would flush away the urge to continue looking into this bullshit. As much as it would be nice to find out the reasoning behind his condition, it just didn’t seem reasonable.

Yet, Chanyeol found himself turning on the monitor and going into the Google search bar moments later. “What the hell do I even type?” He mutters to himself as his fingers halt over the keys. Hesitant yet willing, Chanyeol momentarily found his finger pads connecting with the keyboard. ‘ _ Are soulmates real? _ ’ and quickly following to press the search button.

Websites and definitions loaded, filling his computer screen. Chanyeol wasn’t very sure where to start first, what would even be reliable? It’s the  _ internet  _ for god’s sake. But his eagerness to prove Jongin wrong and sheer curiosity that nibbled at him only fueled his need to continue. He resorted to just pressing the first website presented on the page.

And the first website turned into another and another. Until Chanyeol found himself indulging into multiple pages of the information. He was unsure why the deep dive of the details intrigued him; it was to the point Chanyeol forgot his initial reason for sitting here.

He has read tons of information on the origins of soulmates, the scientific belief behind them, and yet, he was also reading the misconceptions regarding the idea. How easy it is to manipulate what the idea of a soulmate is and be used against you, it was a fragile leap of faith to take if you believed one person in this world was meant for you and you only. Being in love and putting your faith into that solely is maybe one of the most vulnerable acts as a human.

Chanyeol leaned back in the desk chair, eyebrows scrunched as a small sigh brushed past his lips. He wasn’t sure what to exactly do with this information. Sure, soulmates! Cool!  _ but _ just what does this have to do with bearing the same wounds as your soulmate? Ending up with the tattoos of bruises and cuts that would taint their skin?

Even as his eyes endlessly searched the words of the book, in the section of Aristophanes. Reading over the multiple sentences that rounded up their definitions of this forbidden love. Yet, Chanyeol desperately searched for anything regarding wounds, medicine, or just anything that could help him get a lead. If not, he was close to calling his investigation over and pursuing Jongin’s remarks as certified bullshit.

He blinked when his curious eyes glazed over the word ‘medicine’ yet his shoulders slumped when the text only read that the true medicine of love is to separate toxic affection from fair love. “There has to be something. At least about wounds…” He muttered under his breath as he continued.

On the verge of giving up with the sneaking of a headache falling onto his shoulders, Chanyeol finally came across something valuable of his attention. As the text drifted onto the topic of people once being conjoined yet separated, it made a plausible note. The text announced that once split apart as additional punishment one named Apollo forced the necks and heads of their victims around to face the gashes made that separated the once-conjoined. Reminding them of constantly of the punishment brought onto them and the suffering to come.

“Forcing them to constantly look at the wounds made to remind them of their punishment…” He mumbled to himself as the wheels in his head began to turn. If what Jongin was saying was... _ possibly  _ true, then the wounds that mark  _ both _ of their bodies are there to constantly remind them that they are still separated. Seeing as they both haven’t reunited in love; they will never truly be together once more until so. The wounds won’t stop reflecting on each other unless they cease them themselves.

As it says, peace is never truly restored between the soulmates until the two halves have come together as one once more.

Yet, wounds are wounds despite any mythology junk. They always derive from something forceful hitting the body, that’s basic anatomy. As well, those injuries have clearly been coming from Baekhyun’s end, Chanyeol hasn’t even engaged in anything rough enough to cause such repercussions. He remembered the first time he saw those wounds that littered Baekhyun’s arms, those that were alike his and concerning that the smaller might be getting hurt by either himself or someone else. And yet? he still didn’t say anything. Not a single word, too keen on trying to respect Baekhyun’s boundaries when deep down he knew he should of.

_ What a fool. _

The thought of Baekhyun being hurt twisted his heartstrings more and more.

Time has passed and Chanyeol was quite sure he’s late to his next lecture, yet he lifted his hand anyways to turn the page. He yearned to know more; he’ll admit now Jongin may have him sucked in on this thing. But it may take more just to fully believe this shit.

Brown hues continued to eagerly, mouthing the sentences he read as moments later he regressed to reading out loud in the vacant library, only loud enough for himself. “Applauding male and male relationships since such couples hold boldness, bravery, and masculinity all in one. Both in themselves and in others; they are the  _ lovers of love.”  _ Chanyeol mumbled to himself, infatuated with the last few words. Lovers of love, huh?  _ Corny _ but it’s words that would make any heart swoon. Funny, soulmates are qualified at this standard yet endure so much pain to reach that level.

He lifted his hand to turn the page once again yet, he instantly came to a pause. His wrists, both sides were overcome with a wet sensation. The confusion evident on his expression as the drop of blood marking the book page instantly made him throw the book back onto the table and push up his sleeves. Crimson filled his vision and tainted ivory skin as it spilled down his arms. With panic settling in and Chanyeol’s body shaking, he didn’t waste another second as he rushed his way across the library, thankful for the bathroom not being too far.

Pushing his way into the restroom, Chanyeol instantly grabbed some paper towels to apply pressure to his wounds. Yet, it was difficult to do so when both arms were drooling with blood. As a last resort, he turned on the sink and ran his wrists underneath the cold water. Watching as the red swirled down the drain and the blood melt away from his arms. Luckily, it wasn’t too much for him to pass out nor were they deep enough for stitches. Once he was confident, Chanyeol grabbed a fresh paper towel and pressed it between both wrists crossed over one another, binding them together in front of his torso as he pressed his arms closer together to apply pressure.

Chanyeol’s breathing was uneven and slowly coming down from the panic he just faced. What the fuck just happened? His mind was racing too much to even settle in on why the  _ fuck _ this was happening until the situation had calmed down. “It couldn’t be... _ that.  _ Right? But that means...”

_ That  _ meant the weird amount of mythological information he just unlocked surrounding these mysterious injuries and it all being linked back to only Byun Baekhyun himself. “How else would it happen?” He muttered under his breath. Once he came to that possible conclusion, terror sunk into his stomach. If this is all true and Baekhyun is linked to the cause of the wounds appearing on Chanyeol, then Baekhyun is in trouble. “Fuck.” He shakily mumbles under his breath. Chanyeol wasn’t positive if him stopping the bleeding would impact the other so he wasted no time.

Rushing back to the desk and hosting his book bag up over his shoulders quickly as he went back to apply pressure on his wrists right after. The bleeding seemed to slow down but his own wellbeing was the least of his worries right now. Flying down the flight of steps and opening the exit that leads him into the busy sidewalks of the city. The sun settling over it as it made the atmosphere calm but, calm was the last emotion Chanyeol was feeling right now.

He instantly bee-lined to the direction of Baekhyun’s apartment, going off from the top of his head in a mere panic wasn’t the best idea. The giant got turned around multiple times until he finally found stores and restaurants that seemed familiar to him that he deemed noticeable from the trips to Baekhyun’s apartment complex previously. Yet, the familiarity didn’t stop the frantic beat in his steps and his heart hammering in his chest.

“Please, prove me wrong,” Chanyeol uttered under shaky breath, “Prove me and this myth bullshit wrong and be fucking okay.” Chanyeol noticed how insane he looked yet he couldn’t give a damn. ‘ _ That doesn’t matter _ ’ He thought to himself, ‘ _ None of that fucking matters! Only Baekhyun. _ ..’ He continued until jaw-dropping sight made his thought train crash and burn. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

‘... _ does’ _

Chanyeol momentarily finished his buffering inner thought due to being baffled by the sight before him. As his eyes landed on a familiar silhouette only a few feet away from him. His back was turned away from his, walking away from the latter. But he knew that aura anywhere accomplished by that messy and slightly curled brunette hair and those broad shoulders, it was like seeing Baekhyun for the first time again and being so in awe of his existence.

It took a moment for Chanyeol to gather his thoughts. The student’s heart felt like it’s plummeted to the bottom of his stomach now, nervousness overcoming his body as he froze in place. Eyes still glued to the silhouette walking away from him, ‘ _ He’s...okay? _ ’ The latter questioned in his mind. Chanyeol let out a sigh of relief for a moment, he was just glad Baekhyun seemed okay. Yet, it still didn’t explain what happened earlier.

Chanyeol debated for several moments if he should even dare call out the other’s name. Dare reach out to grab his forearm and halt him from walking out of his life even further than he already has. Without listening to his mind that made him contradict his actions and going instantly with what his heart was telling him, the latter picked his feet up again to catch up to the smaller.

“Baekhyun!” He called out as he grabbed the other’s forearm to pull him back. A wide-eyed Baekhyun turned to stare at him in disbelief. Chanyeol starred back in disbelief as well, the other’s face looked, well to put it in the nicest terms possible,  _ horrible.  _ His cheeks were slightly sunken in, evident of makeup covering bruises peeking out on small patches, and the other looked like he hadn’t slept properly in weeks. It instantly made the latter’s eyebrows knit together in worry over him. Baekhyun blinked a few times as his gaze wandered over Chanyeol’s body as he processed who grabbed him, “Jesus, you scared the fuck out of me.” The other instantly cursed at him as his shoulders slumped over in relief. Only taking Baekhyun a moment to release just how awkward this encounter is, “Uh, what do you need, Chanyeol?” His voice turned nervous and awkward, just like before.

“I-...” He glanced down at Baekhyun’s own wrists that were covered by his sleeves, Chanyeol knew it just wasn’t something to ask. Not here, not in public, and certainly not to make Baekhyun run and hide once more. He had to be careful and respectful. “ _ Nothing _ . I just haven’t seen you in forever. I almost thought you left this city for good, Baekhyun.”

“Nope. I’m still here in this shit-hole.” Baekhyun spoke bitterly down upon his home city, yet the student didn’t blame him. He wasn’t entirely wrong about the shit-hole aspect.

Baekhyun’s bit down on his bottom lip, “Look, Chanyeol.” The latter could tell he was trying to be gentle with his words, “I can’t talk to you. Not here, not right now. I have to go.”  Baekhyun spoke as he began to back up a bit on the verge of turning around, eyes gazing around the area just in case.

“But- “Chanyeol knew those words were coming yet he can’t say they didn’t hurt hearing them come from his mouth all over again. “It’s been forever.” He spoke as he saw guilt whirl in Baekhyun’s hues, watching as the other went to speak once more. Yet, Chanyeol beat him to the cut, “Fine. If not here, then somewhere else. Let me take you to get something to eat.”

Chanyeol proposed the idea as his gaze saw Baekhyun’s lips open yet no words come out, pink lips remained tight-lipped as the smaller processed just  _ what _ the fuck he should say. He knew he had to deny Chanyeol, he had to continue to leave him behind.

Yet, he was weak. So, so weak for the latter.

He missed Chanyeol so much it aches.

Brown hues full of sudden curiosity glanced around them once more, Jaegeun wasn’t in sight. It seemed ridiculous but after everything, Baekhyun was merely walking on eggshells with his boyfriend. Extremely  _ fragile _ eggshells.  He was only lucky to go out this one time because he needed bandages and Jaegeun was too busy with paperwork to bother to tag along. Gaze falling back on the taller, he gave a small nod.

And honestly, the smile that bloomed upon Chanyeol’s lips made all the risks and consequences of this worth it for a moment. “Alright, let's go then.” and Baekhyun trailed behind him as he pulled down his sleeves a bit more, hoping the napkins he taped to his wrists to stop the bleeding would be enough for now. He cursed himself for forgetting bandages the other week while shopping with Jaegeun and having to rely on such an impractical way over a  _ stupid  _ mistake.

They walk to the small, tucked-in sushi restaurant just a few blocks away, yet their journey was full of silence, Baekhyun didn’t utter a word and neither did Chanyeol, both too afraid to say the wrong things. Yet, it was still oddly nice being around each other once more, they always basked in the comfort of each other’s presence no matter what. It was as if a conversation wasn’t even needed to make them feel satisfied.

Baekhyun continued to trail behind Chanyeol as they got seated and momentarily ordered. This is when the latter decided to spike up a conversation once more, “So, how have you been?” Chanyeol questioned him as Baekhyun took a small sip of his water.

“Fine.”  _ Lie.  _ “Things have just been busy that’s all.”  _ Another lie. _ “I’ve been busy with...bartending.”  _ ‘Why do you continue to feel the need to lie to the one you love?’  _ The small voice in the back of Baekhyun’s head questioned his actions yet he continued to ignore his guilty conscious.

“Work?” Chanyeol tilted his head to the side, “Didn’t you quit your job?”

“How did you- “

“What did you think I wouldn’t go there first when looking for you?”

That sentence took Baekhyun back a bit, “...You looked for me?” He questioned the other in a confused tone. The smaller must have underestimated him. He just thought Chanyeol missed him, that was evident from the apartment visit not too long ago. But the fact he still actively went to look for him at places he thought with hope to see him again after Baekhyun straight up left him in the dust? Only made his heartache a little more, guilt settling within him.

“Of course, I did. You had me worried.” Chanyeol answered as he continued, “And what do you mean? You quit so why are you telling me you’ve been working? Baekhyun, what’s actually going on?” He was hesitant to keep pressing but at this point, he was sick of the chase. He wanted answers more than anything.

Baekhyun was about to speak when the waitress came by with their food, they both flashed her a smile and a small ‘thank you’. The smaller took this opportunity to dodge the question, instantly going in to stuff his mouth with food so that why he didn’t have to talk. A few moments passed and Chanyeol spoke up again, “Are you going to answer me, Baek?” With annoyance hinting in his tone.

And yet, he remained silent. ‘ _ Don’t make me say it.’ _ Baekhyun thought to himself. With more time passing and no answers bothering to slip from his lips, Chanyeol decided he’d press him later. Over these past few weeks, he’s been doing his best to control his nosiness, always tempted to just be bold once more as the night he went to Baekhyun’s apartment. Yet, he couldn’t find it in himself again, he felt like he crossed a line that night. He constantly condemned himself for it. But now? With Baekhyun right in front of him deliberately  _ still _ not answering him? Started to make him more upset than when he was avoiding him.

“What about you?” Baekhyun speaks up, invading Chanyeol’s thought process, “What have you been up to?” He continued to ask. That’s when Chanyeol was reminded that only a mere hour or so ago he was nose-deep in a Greek mythology book. Blinding by his panic and the shock of seeing the other again after so long, it slipped his mind for a bit until now. “Working and going to school. Also doing some  _ studying _ , y’know the usual.” The latter answered him as he took a bite of sashimi.

“I didn’t hear the word bar in there, you haven’t drunk any alcohol?”

“Only at home or not at all. I don’t really go out to one anymore, can’t find any that really suits me.”

Baekhyun blinked, “Why don’t you just go to the one I worked at? Heechul works there still, doesn’t he?”

In which, Chanyeol replied, “Of course he does. Yet, it’s not the same anymore.”

“How so?”

“Because the place, no matter how full, still feels too empty without you in it,” Chanyeol confessed, sadness lingering in his tone and expression as he momentarily looked back down to take another bite of sushi.

Baekhyun leaned back in his seat. He never understood how much he would be hurting Chanyeol with his actions, the smaller always thought leaving him would be for his own good. And to a degree, he still does. The smaller was nothing but a walking tornado ever since birth, he always brought destruction wherever he went. Whether intentional or not, nothing ever went his way. Even, he thought what he and Chanyeol had would die out just as quick as it started.

Yet, here they are, just as attached as they were the moment they met. It was getting so much harder to hide from Chanyeol, so hard to keep all these secrets locked up. Ever since that one night when Chanyeol came to his apartment, he’s been dying on the inside to run to the other’s side. He’s been deep in his thoughts and emotions ever since; this meetup was only flaring them up more.

Baekhyun knew deep-down what he wanted, he wanted to be with Chanyeol and nothing more even if that meant leaving everything behind. That never changed. Yet, early on, he concluded he couldn’t have that and never will because Baekhyun simply would never deserve that taste of happiness that Park Chanyeol held. For the first few weeks, he convinced himself that he dodged a bullet of yet another thing he’d destroy and accepted his faith, willing to go down with it any second if it meant the other was safe. Until that tear-filled voice over his intercom tainted his mindset, it’s haunted him every night as he’s questioned if he made the right decision.

For a moment, Baekhyun thought he did.

But, now? Physically seeing and hearing Chanyeol’s woes and hardships all because of what Baekhyun convinced himself to do to the latter solely based off his shit past and his horrible boyfriend was getting harder and harder to gulp down. Especially as Chanyeol was sitting in front of him with the most solemn expression, it was so tempting to spill his guts. To breakdown sputtering apologies one right after the other to Chanyeol and telling him all that has done him wrong, what caused  _ him  _ to pick the wrong decision.

In the midst of being emotional, Baekhyun wanted to explain himself without letting his brain play tricks on his heart once more to back out. It’s exactly what he intended to do.

“Look, Chanyeol. I’m really sorry for disappearing on you. I never intended to hurt you, I always thought it was for the best.” Baekhyun spoke with his eyes locked on the other, “I couldn’t ever directly tell you what was going on because it was…really bad. And, I still have no idea how to tell you this but I- “As he spoke, out of nervousness, he used hand gestures and right as he was about to get to the punchline in the spark of the moment. Baekhyun’s hand moved a little too fast and knocked over his water, spilling it all over the table and on himself.

He instantly cut off his sentence and let out a small gasp, “Oh god. I’m so sorry.” He apologized as he hastily yanked up his wet sleeves without a second thought, rushing to grab napkins from the dispenser on the table to place over the spilled water.

Chanyeol instantly went into action, grabbing napkins to help the other until he paused with his napkins gripped in his palm. His eyes fixated on the small pads of tissue tapped to Baekhyun’s wrist, noticing the other must of forgotten about them as he only focused on cleaning up his spill. ‘ _ The cuts’  _ He looked down at his own wrists, being reminded of the bloody mishap not too long ago in the library.

So, does that mean it’s true?

That this mythological fuckery could actually be tainting his life?

Yet, he noticed something else. Not only was that one horrifying sight enough yet another overcame him. As prying eyes as trailed up Baekhyun’s arms he noticed they were littered in bruises _.  _ Shades of purple and brown imprinted on him. This including the marking peeking through on his face makeup and what he noticed last time; they’ve only gotten  _ worse _ . Worry and fear began to creep on up Chanyeol full-speed.

“Chanyeol! Are you going to help or sit there and gawk at this mess?” Baekhyun yelled at him as he picked up soaked napkins, reaching to grab new ones. Chanyeol snapped out of his trance and slowly began to help the smaller clean up his mess, yet his mind was still occupied by his discoveries.

He knew he just needs one more test to confirm this suspicion he had. It was one he was hesitant about going through with, yet, the latter knew he had to. Chanyeol knew he had to see it with his own eyes to truly believe the myth.

And he had to act fast.

“Here, let me move this,” Chanyeol speaks up as he moves the menus that water had trailed off and spilled beneath it as well. Moving them out the way so Baekhyun could clean up the rest of the mess, throwing the ball of wet napkins to the side for the moment, “I'm not usually such a clutz. This is embarrassing.” The smaller spoke with his cheeks flushed. Yet, as Chanyeol went to pick up the plastic edged menus, he made sure to keep his index finger extended along the sharp lines.

As he pulled them back towards his body, he pressed the pad of his finger harshly onto the side of the plastic-clad menu. Causing a small yet semi-deep cut to mark the pad of his finger. Chanyeol thought the sudden pain would make him jump yet, he seemed too focused to react. Looking down at the bubble of blood growing bigger and spilling down his finger.

Baekhyun let out a small huff, the mood he built up was completely ruined. But, also maybe it was just a  _ sign.  _ A sign that he shouldn’t tell Chanyeol about everything. Because if he did? It could be one of the biggest mistakes to drag him in. At some point, he’d want to fess up and confess yet now? Now may not be the best time after all. He despised how his mindset and emotions kept becoming so conflicted on the subject.

In the mindset of his confliction, he looked back at the table. ‘ _ Oh, I forgot to pick the cup up. _ ’ Baekhyun thought to himself as he outstretched his and clasped it around the hard plastic, settling it back upwards. Yet, as he pulled away from his hand, the smaller noticed the smear of blood on the cup. With eyebrows knitted together and confusion painting his expression, he raised his hand to check it out.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, slight nervousness evident in his voice.

“I’m bleeding.” Baekhyun said as he turned his finger to show Chanyeol, “I must have cut my finger in the midst of that mess.”

Chanyeol noticed so much farther beyond that simple paper cut. It was the same finger, same aligned cut, and occurred at the exact moment when the latter originally sliced his own. His mind was swirling, and he wasn’t sure why he felt so sick to his stomach? He should be filled for the brim with joy. This meant  _ apparently, _ they were soulmates, many people always yearn to find their own. Destined to be with each other, literally  _ made _ for one another. And to a degree, he’s happy that Baekhyun was bound to be in Chanyeol’s life.

Yet, that didn’t mean it couldn’t be ripped away from them still. They still weren’t truly together,  _ none _ of this will be put to an end until done so.

The latter couldn’t help but let worry and fear overcome that happiness instead. The bruises that littered Baekhyun’s body is where his mind immediately went back to. The student’s mouth went dry, unable to continue the conversation with Baekhyun as his eyes were still lingering on his battered exposed limbs. The smaller must have forgotten to pull them back down.

If this theory is true, this means Baekhyun is being harmed whether that be by someone or himself. He was in harm’s way and that was Chanyeol’s main concern.

“Also, about what I was saying,” Baekhyun’s tone turned low and shy, grabbing another napkin to wrap around his finger. Bleeding and being a fuck-up is just his style today, isn’t it? He continued, “Don’t worry about it. I was getting too far ahead of myself. But I am still sorry about disappearing for a bit and I hope I can make it up to you.” He spoke and when Chanyeol was taking too long to respond, he looked back up at the other sitting across from him.

“Yeol?” He spoke up yet, the other’s eyes were still focused on him but something else. That’s when he remembered he pushed up his sleeves during the spill, Baekhyun immediately looked down as he noticed his wounds and bruises were exposed to the outside word and worst case, to Chanyeol. Fear bloomed inside of him as he quickly shoved his sleeves back down, “I-I think I need to go.”

“Baekhyun, if someone is hurting you- “

“No! T-That’s not it. It’s not. Please don’t- “In a panic and confusion, the smaller continued to lie through his teeth. “Then are you doing this to yourself?” Chanyeol couldn’t help but let that question slip too. “No. I wouldn’t do that... I…” Baekhyun’s mind started to rush as regret filled within him.

Coming here with Chanyeol was a  _ mistake _ .

Even bothering to try to something was a  _ mistake. _

He should have never tried to let him close again. Baekhyun cursed at himself that he should've just stayed home.

Yet, Chanyeol couldn’t help but continue, “You don’t have to go, you can talk to me. I... I want to help you.” Baekhyun’s face was flushed in embarrassment and his body language reflected nothing but panic, “I-I know, I know you do but I can’t let you.” Baekhyun shakily continued as he was about to stand up from their table.

His only instinct right now was to run. Run away from this horrible situation and crawl in a hole. It was almost baffling how Baekhyun was so ready to tell Chanyeol just moments ago, he knew he was right. It would have been wrong to do so. Yet, he still fucked it up. Baekhyun still fucked up his whole plan of not getting Chanyeol involved.

Chanyeol reached out to grab his hand, stopping him from leaving the table. Not caring about any eyes glued to them. Though, he was grateful the small restaurant only had one or two other customers at the moment. “Why? Why not?!” Those selfish thoughts began to take over his words, “Why do you keep running away? Why do you keep shutting me out?” The latter continued. He felt bad yet, he knew to a degree his feelings were valid.

Baekhyun shut Chanyeol out with little to no reason. Upright ignoring him and went to extreme extents, even though the student wants to say there was a good reason. It nonetheless hurt him. Baekhyun hurt him and yet, he can’t help but still wants to help him.

Curse this soulmate bullshit.

“If something is harming you, I want to be by your side.” He continued to ramble as he confessed to a wide-eyed and baffled Byun Baekhyun, “Don't you get it?! I keep running back, I keep trying, I keep attempting to stay beside you for the longest I can because I love you, Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun blinked a few times, feeling Chanyeol’s hand tighten slightly around his own as the confession slipped from his lips in the heat of the moment. The smaller was at a loss for words, his lips left parted open and his mouth felt dry. He wanted to speak yet; no words would come out.

“I’m sorry, this isn't...this  _ wasn’t _ supposed to be this way.” Chanyeol apologized feeling regretful over his chose to confess to him in such a heated moment. His emotions blinded him to the point, he couldn’t control his own words.

A mixture of emotions overcame the smaller and he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Of course, Baekhyun loves Chanyeol too. Ever since they met, he instantly knew they were destined to cross paths.

Yet, like before, he accepted the fact that he couldn’t have that nor would he ever get the chance for Chanyeol to feel the same. And when that all came true to him in a matter of a few words and seconds, Baekhyun wasn’t sure how to react.

For so long, he convinced himself he couldn’t have this.

Because of Jaegeun.

Because of his abusive environment.

Because of his past.

He always thought Chanyeol wouldn’t understand that.

God, Baekhyun was so riddled with  _ confusion _ . So, torn between admitting to Chanyeol his own feelings or running away, leaving it with the rest of the unspoken words Baekhyun could have said throughout his life.

Stay true to his feelings and try again to achieve happiness or stay close to his previous thoughts and make sure Chanyeol stays away for good.

‘For  _ his _ sake or for  _ your _ sake?’ Baekhyun thought to himself. Yet, he knew he couldn’t make this decision right then and there. This would require a lot of thinking.

Baekhyun bit down on his lip, “I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I need some time to think.” He quickly said as he slipped his hand out of Chanyeol’s grip. Getting up from the table as he made his way out of the restaurant, his heart stammering in his chest.

There was no more avoiding this. There were no more conflicted feelings. Baekhyun needed to make his final choice.

_ For his  _ **_and_ ** _ Chanyeol’s sake. _

-

Chanyeol felt regret instantly crash over him as Baekhyun left him alone in the restaurant. He knew he got carried away with his words and emotions, the student let too much out. Stuff that wasn’t appropriate for the moment.

He cursed himself for always letting his emotions take over his mind in the heat of situations. The latter knew he probably hurt Baekhyun and scared him away for good. Scared away the only person he’s ever felt a genuine connection with. Especially, during his confession something that was supposed to be special.

Yes, he knew they were soulmates... _ he guessed _ .

It was still a concept he was getting used to accepting. He knows their paths will cross again  _ but _ just because they were soulmates, this didn’t mean they would instantly come back together as if this was a high-school break-up. They could take years to even come across each other again and that thought made Chanyeol’s heart clench.

But he guessed that wasn’t up to him. It was in the hands of fate and fate only; it’s always been like that.

Chanyeol paid the bill for their food and left not to long after Baekhyun's exit. Deciding to wallow in his self-pity and self-loathing just a  _ little more _ before heading home. The sun has begun to set now, the student noticed as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Cool air brushing against his cheeks, well at least the weather was calming despite how  _ weird _ and  _ horrible _ this day was.

On his silent walk back to his apartment. He finally made up his mind on  _ one _ thing at least, he needed comfort and someone to talk to. Chanyeol pulled out his phone and after a moment of scrolling through his contacts list, he pressed the small green call button.

It took several moments to ring, yet after being put through their office, he finally got to speak to her. “Mom?” Chanyeol spoke with the phone against us ear and of course, her sweet voice returned to him on the other side. “Yes, honey. What do you need?”

‘ _ What do I need? I need guidance. I need advice. I need comfort. I just need a break from this hectic reality I’ve gotten myself into. _ ’ All of these feelings he felt like he couldn’t put into words themselves. Chanyeol knew his mother was busy fixing her own life, she couldn’t possibly have the time to help fix his. Yet, he couldn’t help but try to come to his mother for some advice. It was his instinct.

He took a deep breath,

“I just want to talk.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

He put the box of bandages away as the smaller finished applying the fresh, new bandages around his sore wrists. Glad he made sure to pick those up before returning home after the disaster lunch with Chanyeol, Jaegeun didn’t suspect a thing when he returned. Baekhyun was still overwhelmed with disappointment with himself for inflicting such wounds onto his own body as if they weren’t littered in them enough already.

Still vividly remembering being wrapped up in his mind for way too long, deeply thinking about his situation and pondering on bad childhood memories. How  _ similar  _ everything was. How unhappy Baekhyun was, nothing had fucking changed. In general. the smaller pondered on how it all wouldn’t be so bad, how it all wouldn’t sting anymore if he just died like he was meant to.

-

- _ flashback- _

That constant thought poisoned his vulnerable state of mind to the point, he ended up rummaging through any place he could find something sharp and rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind him as he slid down the plain walls. Baekhyun’s breathing was heavy as he clutched the box cutter in his hands. “T-There’s no way out, absolutely none.” He spoke under his breath as overwhelming tears began to fill his hues. “I’m stuck! if I don’t do this, he will never let me go.” The smaller popped up the blade from the small device.

His blurred vision staring at the blade for a moment before holding his wrist up to sink it into his skin. “Ah!” Baekhyun flinched at the pain as he sliced horizontally across his wrist. Blood began to bubble up within the fresh cut but knew they weren’t deep enough to kill him or at least, release Baekhyun of all the pain he’s experiencing.

After sliding the blade down his other wrist, Baekhyun hastily decided he needed to go deeper. Biting down on his lip harshly to hold in his sobs as some blood slid down his arm.

‘ _ Don’t I deserve pain? _ ’ He thought to himself, ‘ _ Isn’t that why it’s constantly granted in my life? _ ’

The smaller was just about to jam the blade back into his fresh cut, yearning to go deep enough this time. Until he halted his movements last minute. ‘ _ But it isn’t… _ ’ Baekhyun began to rationally intervene in his dark thoughts. Happiness has been evident in his life too, despite being in small bursts. He recalled when he gazed upon numerous flowers once again after so long, remembering how he told boring stories about nature and someone actually listened and cared about his words for once, and how he finally held a Lily in his palms once more after the many years since his mother passed. Those were happiness, probably some of the happiest moments he had in so long and they were all provided by...Chanyeol.

_ Chanyeol _ …

Baekhyun’s breath hitched as he threw the blade across the bathroom floor, making sure to get it away from him. He stood up despite his body shaking and went to open the small cupboard to hastily grab a towel. Baekhyun placed the cloth over his wrists as he began to wipe the blood away and apply pressure to his self-inflicted wounds. “I-I can’t do this. I can’t...I still want to see him again. I want to be happy again!” He spoke through choked sobs, “I still want to live. Deep down, I know I do...”

-

Baekhyun was grateful that he was only a few inches too shallow to bleed out completely _,_ something he desperately craved at that moment. Yet, he couldn’t go through with it despite how much he urged himself to in the back of his head. Baekhyun’s clouded thoughts instantly went back to that big-ear goofball and it made him yank the blade away.

It was odd on how much of an impact he had on him. The latter will never be able to explain it.

Speaking of clouded thoughts and Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s mind has been even more messed up since the other day. Hardly getting sleep without thinking back to Chanyeol’s confession and the mixture of emotions rippling through Baekhyun’s body all at once, it was overwhelming. But maybe the push he needed to do some thinking.

His mind was tragically jumbled, riddled with confliction between his feelings and jumping back and forth on what would be right or wrong to say. The smaller was so torn keeping Chanyeol in the dark. But he was grateful he didn’t slip up in the heat of that moment, Baekhyun was close to letting everything slip when necessary, it wouldn’t need to be said.

Baekhyun knows when he’s ready to tell Chanyeol, he will. When he’s ready to dish out his whole tragic backstory, it’ll be on his own terms when his mind and heart are both equally ready for it. It took a bit for him to conclude that it was something that shouldn’t be rushed.

‘ _ Don't you get it?! I keep running back, I keep trying, I keep attempting to stay beside you for the longest I can because I love you, Baekhyun _ !’ those words kept lingering in his mind, haunting him even in his dreams. Despite the feeling being mutual, Baekhyun also had to consider his own situation.

He remembers the last time he even tried to give in to his desires, the desires to be with Chanyeol and live his destined happily ever after. It was stomped on and crushed to pieces right in front of him at the hands of Jaegeun.

Baekhyun was always a strong believer in things happening for a reason that the signs in our lives before big moments should determine whether we should do something or not. Dumb? Maybe. But it was a personal tick he’s always held within himself.

Which is why Baekhyun heavily relied on that factor when it came to the topic of fessing up to the latter, relied on it when he was forced to watch his mother’s final moments, and now, relying on that same coincidence that maybe because Chanyeol confessed to him, there was still a shot at that dream.

A dream that’s full of genuine happiness and love.

One that his mother always told him he’d achieve one day once he was older. Maybe, now it’s his time for that. He was so desperate that he was clinging to those words his mother told him long ago. Wanting to believe that small slither of hope shown to him one last time. Baekhyun relied on that sign his mother gave him that he will make it out of this one way or another, no matter what.

He knows he’d be a fool to let it slip through his fingers once again. Baekhyun knows he’d be putting a lot at risk to even attempt to do this again. To try to leave Jaegeun again could even cost him his life this time.

Was that something worth it?

...Well for him,  _ yes. _

So much that Baekhyun has been spending his whole day packing the moment Jaegeun left this morning for work. Making the extra advantage to hide his duffel bag of items behind the alleyway recycling and dumpster bins beside their apartment, yet, still leaving a fair number of items so Jaegeun wouldn’t question why items were missing. To make it easy for Baekhyun to slip out of his grasp with any suspicion.

He decided against the idea of leaving before Jaegeun came home again, it was evident that didn’t work the first time and it wouldn’t work again. Instead, he opted for an option that will allow him to hopefully slip out without being crucified over it. He decided to take it upon himself to do some ‘spring cleaning’ today, making sure to empty out their fridge and cupboards, for the most part, leaving them extremely low on groceries. Leaving them with only a few items but, certainly not enough to survive on.

The idea is starting to come together, right?

Baekhyun knows usually on Monday’s, Jaegeun is packed to the brim with his beginning of the week paperwork. He worked a normal office job, yet, the workflow was always something Jaegeun continuously would bring home with him because he never had time to finish in the comforts of his office. So, the smaller will take it upon himself to take advantage of his boyfriend’s shit attempt at work management. Planning to slip out to go on a ‘grocery trip’ and because he’ll be busy just like the other day, he won’t accompany him on the trip.

Lastly, Baekhyun opened up the locked cupboard in the kitchen. Luckily, he found the spare key Jaegeun hid while cleaning stuff out and unlocked the drawer seeing his phone laying in the empty drawer with its charger. His boyfriend took his phone, locked it up and hide the key weeks ago when Baekhyun decided to start going missing in action from everything and everywhere. Jaegeun didn’t want Chanyeol attempting to contact him again and he went to every length to make that happen.

Plugging in his dead device and watching it cut on, Baekhyun wasn’t very sure what he was to expect. He knows people probably haven’t tried to contact him. Outside of Heechul, Chanyeol, and Jaegeun, there was no one else who had his number. Once the device cut on, he instantly had his hands on it. His fingers immediately tapping on his contact list and going to Chanyeol’s name.

The contact name, ‘ _ Yeol >:3 _ ’ appeared before his eyes and without another second, he scrolled down to click ‘unblock this contact’. Jaegeun had blocked the latter in the midst of their argument and Baekhyun had to accept it in order for the other not to snap his phone in half. As he unblocked Chanyeol, instantly his phone flooded with messages from the other.

**[yeol >:3]: 2:30 PM: January 23rd:**

_ Are we okay? Or, most importantly, are you? You were acting so weird the other day when we spoke. I hope you’re okay :(. _

**[yeol >:3]: 4:30 PM: January 26th:**

_ I’m trying not to pry, really. I know you say I’m nosey, but I suppose I can’t help it. Baekhyun, what you said the other week? What did you mean? _

**[yeol >:3]: 9:00 PM: February 1st:**

_ Heechul said you’ve quit your job. Why? _

**[yeol >:3]: 1:00 AM: February 3rd:**

_ I’m drunkjjd but I can’t help but missh yoju still. whyfg do ii still feelk this? what did I dorjkr? _

**[yeol >:3]: 2:00 PM: February 3rd:**

_ Um, please disregard that. Sorry. I went too overboard; I don’t plan to drink again for a bit. _

**[yeol >:3]: 4:00 PM: February 15th:**

_ It’s been so long. I’m starting to feel silly still texting you. _

**[yeol >:3]: 7:00 PM: February 24th:**

_... _

**[yeol >:3]: 10:00 PM: February 29th:**

_ I have nothing else to rely on but some one-sided message thread but, I’ve been sitting on this for a bit. Despite, I want to give you time for yourself and whatever you need to handle. My conscious can’t help but blame itself to a degree. I just want to say, I’m sorry if I’ve done anything, Baekhyun. And if I didn’t? Well, whatever happened I hope it’s sorted out soon. _

**[yeol >:3]: 2:00 AM: March 1st:**

_ I can't stand sitting on the sidelines anymore. I just- maybe I’ll just tell you this in person. If I can muster up the courage. _

**[yeol >:3]: 4:00 AM:  March 1st:**

_ Update if you care, I think I got the wrong apartment, so all my words went to waste anyway. I couldn’t even get out what I wanted to say. Sorry. Maybe I should stop holding onto this. _

Baekhyun’s hues scanned down all the messages one by one. Every time his eyes would fall on a new one, his heart would clench in guilt. Despite he knew what he had to do, the fact he had to leave Chanyeol wondering so much even to the extent that what Baekhyun did may even be his own fault still hurt Baekhyun.

‘ _ I’ll make it up to him _ .’ Baekhyun thought to himself, ‘ _ I promise I will, Chanyeol. Soon, really soon. _ ’

-

Chanyeol laid in his bed as he dazed off into his daydreams with his eyes glued to his plain white ceiling. He’s been like this ever since talking to his mother the other day, lost completely in his thoughts as he continued to indulge in her advice.

**the other day;**

“You have to give him time.” She said to him over the phone as Chanyeol unlocked his apartment door, “You must be patient with him even though I know that’s not your strong suit.”

“I called you for advice not to criticize me, Mom.” Chanyeol laughed as his mother followed after him. “I’m being honest with you, Chanyeol.” She spoke up again, “Despite, I know how long you’ve waited for him maybe you just need to wait some more.” His mother continued.

Chanyeol sighed, “I waited almost two months for him at what point do I start looking more desperate than I already do?” He asked as he threw his bag down on his couch. “Well,” She takes a deep breath, “You said you love him, right? If that’s the case, he must be special to you, Chanyeol. I’ve never seen you ever attached to someone this way.”

‘ _ Well that’s because we weren’t soulmates destined to be attached to the hip _ ’ Chanyeol thought to himself as his mother rambled yet, of course, he couldn’t tell her this information. Frankly, he doesn’t even think he’ll ever tell Baekhyun.

“I know. He’s different, completely different than any connection I’ve had before.” Chanyeol replied as his mother decided to continue, “Then, if you love him, you should be willing to wait forever for him.”

“I am but-“‘ _ More like, I have to _ .’ The student said in his head once more as he halted his words.  Again, not able to say that out loud.

“But?”

He quickly came up with something else, “I just feel so dumb sometimes. Like I’m waiting for nothing or worse I may be waiting for eternity...”

His mother went silent for a moment yet when Chanyeol went to speak up and ask if she was still there, she replied, “Love comes when it’s ready, not when you’re ready for it. It’s mysterious and hidden, it can come and go as fast as it pleases.” His mother speaks with a hint of sadness in her voice. Chanyeol knew she was referring to the relationship his biological father and she had, it still angered him that bastard could still get her down from time to time.

“Mom, look, you don’t have to- “

“I’m not finished,” She cut him off, “But, there is a difference between ordinary love and true love. True love will always come and stay once it’s ready. When it’s true love, you’ll know when it’s the right time. It may not come as quick as you hoped, Chanyeol. But nonetheless, it will. Give it time and give him time as well.” His mother spoke with wisdom replacing the sadness once evident in her voice.

And that caused Chanyeol to crack a smile, “You’re right, I just will have to wait until he’s ready...” His mother’s voice always managed to calm him down. In which, his mother replied with a small laugh following her sentence, “Mothers are  _ always _ right, Chanyeol.”

-

Baekhyun slipped his phone into his back pocket without a second thought. ‘ _ Jaegeun should be home anytime now _ ’ He thought to himself as he glanced at the clock. The smaller leaned against the kitchen counter with a cup of hot tea placed in his hands, savoring at least this item before throwing everything else away. He took a sip and began to indulge in his thoughts. Baekhyun would be bluffing if he said he was quivering down to his bones in fear and anxiousness. After what happened before, how could he not?

Jaegeun was a hard man to convince, he always seemed to see through Baekhyun’s white lies and fake smiles. On some occasions, Jaegeun wouldn’t even notice a small lie slip past Baekhyun’s teeth but, those are rare moments. And maybe, the smaller blamed himself to a degree as well. Despite accepting long ago that this relationship wasn’t heavy, and he lost the love he used to hold for his boyfriend, there was this tiny,  _ very  _ tiny fragment of him that still wanted to grasp to the fact that maybe Jaegeun was just troubled. That  _ maybe  _ he had a reason for acting the way he does. Baekhyun desperately wanted to believe deep down, Jaegeun was still a good guy.

But the smaller knows he has to face reality,  _ his  _ reality and confess that those small excuses probably weren’t true. Even if they were, it would never excuse what he’s done. It took a lot for Baekhyun to realize that, taking many sleepless and tearful night to determine that he had gotten himself involved with a monster.

Baekhyun had once again fallen under the spell of a monster, one with charms and motives just like his father who used the same methods to trick his mother. But, this time, he planned to make it out. As mentally and physically together as possible.

...That may be harder to accomplish than he thinks,

Before his endless thought process could continue, Baekhyun heard the familiar jingle of keys outside the front door. Taking a deep breath and placing the cup on the nearby counter, he prepared himself to put on the fakest persona yet. His mask was on and his show was ready to begin.

Hearing the door open, he was quick to glance his head around the corner from the small kitchen to the side. “Oh, I was wondering when you were going to come back.” Baekhyun’s tone is light and sweet, “It seems you’ve been getting off late recently. Were you stuck with paperwork again?” He mentions to his boyfriend who steps in without a welcoming word, slipping his shoes off. Yet, just from his aura and body language, Baekhyun could tell something was off.

That observation made his anxiety skyrocket.

But, Baekhyun must remain calm. He can’t let Jaegeun know anything is going on.

The smaller made his way around and leaned against the island facing towards the inner-part of the kitchen and their living room. He stood in the small hallway between their door and living space, “...Did work go okay?”

“No, it went fucking horrible as usual. I tell you that every time, why do you still continue to ask?” Jaegeun spat at the other as he placed his bag down. Baekhyun flinched as he raised his tone, sadly, that was a habit he’d never grow out of no matter how many times it occurs. He bit down on his lower lip nervously “I just wanted to know, that’s all.” Baekhyun spoke in a hushed tone as he moved back into the kitchen. Maybe it wasn’t best to be very close to the other right now.

He heard the other scoff as he moved closer, “Y’know, I don’t deal with shit customers and co-workers all day long to pay our bills, only to come home to a sassy, ungrateful boyfriend.” Alcohol was evident on his breath, whiskey to be exact. Baekhyun could smell it from a mile away. As much as the smaller wanted to snap back at him, he tried to regain his composure. ‘ _ Remember what you have to do _ ,’ He reminded himself, ‘ _ Suck it up so you can get out.’ _

This caused Baekhyun to twist his expression up in guilty and worry, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” He goes to place his hand to rub Jaegeun’s arm, something he always did to calm the other, “I know you work hard and I’m grateful for that.” He continued to sugar-coat his false words.

Yet, his heart skipped a beat when his boyfriend harshly grabbed his wrist when Baekhyun attempted to reach out for him. His grip was iron-tight and instantly caused pain to shoot up his arm. “You’re such a  _ liar.” _

The word caused more panic inside of him then the sudden pain in his wrist. “W-What do you mean?” Baekhyun instantly shot back at his boyfriend, trying to pull his wrist free.

Yet, Jaegeun’s grip only got more harsh and painful. He pushed Baekhyun's wrist towards his own torso, making the smaller stumble back as he pressed closer to him as he spoke, “I mean, you’ve done nothing but be ungrateful to me. You never appreciate what I do for you, you always have some slick shit to say and always wanting to slip away from my grasp.” His boyfriend hissed and it was evident he was drunk out of his mind. Always blowing things out of proportion especially when liquor is involved.

Baekhyun was starting to slip from his composure. His fight or flight senses beginning to be set off. He had to keep trying, “Jaegeun, you’re drunk and taking your anger out on me. Please stop, babe. Let me go and we can talk this ou- “

“No!” Jaegeun yelled as he pushed Baekhyun back more, “Y-You’re going to listen now and you’re going to listen  _ good _ , do you understand me?” His boyfriend slurred his threats. Yet, this act was only getting harder to perform.

Jaegeun twisted Baekhyun’s wrist more, “You’re nothing but selfish,”  _ and harder.  _ “You can never just be fucking obedient; you always cause trouble.”

_ and harder. _

His boyfriend bitterly continued, “And sometimes,” put the most force he could of Baekhyun’s wrist to make him gasp out in pain, “I think I understand why your father beat the shit out of you and your mother.”

With those words, it set off a switch in Baekhyun. One that instantly made his mind slip from his false act and the pain pulsing from his arm. Like before, the smaller had the urge to fight or flight from this situation.

He deemed, there was no getting out of this situation.

There will never be an easy way out.

Baekhyun glimpsed down at the teacup full of hot tea placed perfectly on the counter beside him, with his free arm, the smaller didn’t hesitate to grab the cup and splash the hot liquid right into Jaegeun’s eyes, “Ah! What the fuck!”

At that moment, Baekhyun decided to fight.

At that moment, Baekhyun decided...

_ Fuck _ the plan.

_ Fuck _ this bullshit excuse for an acting job.

He wanted to at least spit in Jaegeun’s face one last time before splitting from him. Whether that means in life or death.

To put the cherry-on-top, Baekhyun made sure to smash the glass, fragile cup in his boyfriend’s face and in the same maneuver, pulling his wrists from Jaegeun’s grasp and shoving him out of his way. Jaegeun, whose shouts echoed off the walls of the apartment was pushed into the railing of the stove.

Baekhyun was quick on his feet yet skittish. The quivering of adrenaline and shock moving through his body didn’t help that. As he ran out of the kitchen, his sock-cladded feet slipped on the hardwood floor placed in the small hallway. He dipped down, the smaller’s arm latching onto the door handle to save his fall, not noticing he opened it a bit. Baekhyun didn’t bother glimpsing back, the smaller was quick to push himself back up from the handle and make his way down the hallway to their rooms and bathroom.

_ ‘The bathroom, that’s right.’  _ He quickly made the last-minute decision to take homage in the small hallway washroom nor was it the first time he’s hidden in there to escape the wrath of Jaegeun himself. Baekhyun slammed the door behind him and instantly locked it. He pressed his back against the mahogany door with his chest heaving up and down.

This was not how things were supposed to go. His situation wasn’t supposed to go from worse to down-right hell in only a few minutes. Yet, Baekhyun should have known he would have had to fight tooth and nail to break-free from Jaegeun’s grasp anyways. Nothing is ever easy for him.

“Baekhyun! You  _ little fuck! _ ” He heard his boyfriend making his way down the hall, his strained voice not very far from the door, “Once I get to you, you’re going to wish you’ve never met me!”

“I already do,” Baekhyun mumbled under his breath as he remembered the phone in the back of his pocket. Shaking hands pulled out the device and his mind raced with just who to call.

These are the times he cursed that he only had 2 reliable contacts in his phone.

_ 911?  _ Of course, that would be your first instinct to contact. But, with what happened last time when Baekhyun made a desperate call to the police. They did absolutely nothing to help him with no witnesses or more evidence around as they inevitably left him trapped. It was an option he couldn’t pick this time.

_ Heechul?  _ Debatable but, he would only try to call the cops. It wouldn’t be ethical and would go absolutely nowhere.

His fingers scrolled down to that once familiar name that popped up on his phone earlier, ‘ _ Yeol _ ’. And yet, at the sight of it, his eyes welled up with tears. Funny, after all this time, Baekhyun vowed to never get Chanyeol involved in his mess not until it was time. But here he is doing exactly that. So many questions ran through his head, ‘ _ What if he gets hurt? What if you only get him in trouble? What if he wants nothing to do with you anymore after yesterday so he doesn’t even answer?’ _ They went on and on.

For a moment, he hesitated on clicking that dreaded call button.

**_Boom!_ **

A heavy pound to the door in which Baekhyun’s body was supported against ripped through the silence of the bathroom. “I know you’re fucking in there. I’ve got in before, do you think I won’t again, Baekhyunnie?” Jaegeun’s threats carried the same amount of spine-chilling effects even through the barrier of a door. When the strike hit the back of him, Baekhyun was quick to jump away from the door. As his phone slipped from his fingers in the process, skidding across the bathroom floor.

Baekhyun was too focused on protecting himself from the other to care about the wellbeing of his phone. His eyes scanned the room to find anything to protect himself from and sadly, there was a lot less than you’d think. At least, items that would be effective. This fight wasn’t like their typical fights, where Baekhyun would let Jaegeun bear on him and make him cry his eyes out as he crawls back in bed with him at the end of the night, apologizing to him in order for the other to stop being so cruel. No, there would be no making up after this. There will be no relationship after this. And certainly, Baekhyun wants to try to protect himself before going down at the hands of his boyfriend again.

He wanted to try.

The smaller wants to fight for his chance to live a normal life. He’ll do anything for that at this point.

His panicked filled hues looked up at the loose towel railing attached to the tile walls. He reached up, only having to use a little amount of force for the metal to come off that wall. Baekhyun looked down at the railing gripped in his shaky hands, well, it was good enough, right?

Baekhyun’s eyes shot back up to the door when he heard the door handle continuously jiggling up and down only for harsh thuds to start striking the door instead. Jaegeun was slamming his shoulder against the door continuously, “You’ll be better off dead once I’m in there.” He growled from the other side of the door as Jaegeun continued to hit it harder this time, at any moment the door would fly off its hinges and Baekhyun wasn’t even sure if he was ready.

But then again? Would he ever be?

With another thud, the door popped open enough for Jaegeun to slip his hand through and unlock the door. Baekhyun quickly got to his feet, with his metal weapon tightly gripped in his hand. When the other’s hand slipped his hand through, his immediate thought at to strike it. The smaller raised the railing and smashed it against Jaegeun’s hand as harsh as could, he ignored his grunts of pain as he went to hit him again.

Yet, this time, the other had quick reflexes. His boyfriend’s palm opened in just enough time to grab the metal rod. Baekhyun’s let out a breathless gasp, “Let go!” He yelled out trying to pull the rod out of his grip as hard as he could.

“I said let go you stupid drunk prick!” Baekhyun hissed again and while the smaller kept harshly pulling, “You want me to let go?... Fine, I’ll let go.” His boyfriend quickly spoke, and he let loose of the rod. Before Baekhyun could process what, he said with the absence of the opposite force in the midst of his tugging, it caused Baekhyun to stumble backward and hitting his head on the tiled wall. Stars filled his vision for split second and a small groan left his lips as he lifted his head up.

Not a moment later, Jaegeun unlocked the door and threw the door back as he entered. Out of it still, Baekhyun’s shaky hands went to touch the back of his head out of instinct. He brought his hand back around to glance at them, noticing his fingertips luckily weren’t covered in blood. “Shit...” He mumbled under his breath still from the pulsing pain, nonetheless. Until he realized his weapon missing from his grip. ‘ _ The rod!’ _ He remembered as his eyes glanced around the room.

Noticing the metal rod left sitting lonesome on the bathroom floor, too far for him to reach out now. But, out of the corner of his eye, Baekhyun saw the light of his phone screen. He turned his head a bit to notice his phone screen laid beside the small trash can and it was on the phone with someone.

Relief washed over him, never been so happy to accidentally press a button in his life. Yet, that feeling was quickly replaced by fear once more over the impending thought that crossed Baekhyun’s mind.

_ Would he even survive long enough to be rescued at this point? _

Jaegeun stepped over the rod with a twisted smile on his lips. While Baekhyun was distracted for the slight moment when glancing at his phone, his boyfriend took the opportunity to grab him by his collar and pull him up. Not wasting a single second to wrap his fingers around Baekhyun’s neck with his free hand, pinning him against the wall.

Jaegeun chuckled, “I told you, Baekhyunnie. You’ll never escape me.”

-

Chanyeol was still wallowing in his daydream, lifting his hand to move his bangs out of his face when he caught a glimpse of the redness that covered his wrist. The taller blinked a few times as he pulled his arm back a bit, getting the injury at a better view. “Oh, shit...” He mumbled under his breath, “When did that get here?” The student’s mind instantly went into the  _ worst possible scenario  _ mode.

Until his phone began to go off, yanking him out of him incoming conceptions. He was about to not bother answering the device assuming it was Sehun probably calling him to complain about his day. Yet, when he threw a quick glance at his screen. He instantly sat up and grabbed the device once he noticed the caller ID.

**Incoming call from...** ‘ _ Hyunee _ ’

The latter didn’t want to waste a second more as he instantly pressed the answer button. ‘ _ Maybe that was too desperate? Answering so fast? _ ’ He questioned himself until placing the device up to his ear. “Hyunee?” He spoke yet, there was no reply at first only shuffling coming from the other side of the speaker.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. Did Baekhyun accidentally call him? The student began to assume, “Baekhyun? Hello?” He called out.

No answer again.

A small sigh left Chanyeol’s lips and he was on the verge of hanging up until he hears a huge thud come from Baekhyun’s side and then a voice spoke, ‘ _ I know you’re fucking in there. I’ve got in before, do you think I won’t again, Baekhyunnie? _ ’ 

A voice that was not Baekhyun’s. It was too threatening, booming, and menacing to be his.

The latter didn’t waste another second as he sprung up from the bed, already rushing to slip his shoes on. “Baekhyun? What’s going on?!” He attempted to call out on last time and still nothing. Only continuous thuds hitting what he guessed was a door. There was no doubt that Baekhyun was in trouble and Chanyeol sure as hell wasn’t going to sit there and let whenever this bastard has hurt him.

For a moment, calling 911 flashed in his mind but there’s also the fact that they’d get there too late. Chanyeol couldn’t risk that.

Hastily grabbing his keys, Chanyeol rushed out the door and hurried down the stairs to the small lobby. Ignoring the bewildered state of the front desk lady as he rushed out of the front door into the city sidewalk. Running down the sidewalks as quick as he could and dodging every pedestrian on his path. The phone stayed close to his ear, “Baekhyun, I’m coming. I’m going to help you.” He breathlessly mumbled as his chest heaved up and down.

By the time, he even saw the other’s apartment complex in sight, Chanyeol already heard new sounds coming from the device. This time, it was the sound of metal whooshing the air, and a second later Baekhyun’s voice filled the phone speaker, ‘ _ Let go! _ ’ His voice echoed off the walls of the room he was in, it was clear Baekhyun wasn’t too far but not close enough to hear Chanyeol either.

Chanyeol was just happy that since he sprints fast enough and the apartment wasn’t  _ too  _ far from his own, he got here in a decent amount of time by sprinting on foot. He quickly went up to the steps to the front door on the front door. The taller without a second thought went to tug the door open yet, he couldn’t. His eyes instantly glanced over at the code, “Fuck.” He cursed under his breath. ‘ _ The code. I’ve seen him type it in before but that was so long ago...’  _ Chanyeol inwardly panicked, ‘ _ I have to try to remember, I have to.’ _

His quivering fingers hovered over the number pads, pressing ‘209’ to indicate the room number before entering in numerous codes he may think to could be and of course, the student had no luck. “It started with a four, I think...” He whispered, as his finger pressed the number ‘4’ on the pad. Hesitating, Chanyeol moves his finger to press ‘5’ next, the pattern seemed familiar to him. But there were still two numbers left, he shouldn’t be that confident.

The latter almost forgot the phone pressed up to his ear when he heard Baekhyun’s voice again, ‘ _ I said let go you stupid drunk prick! _ ’ He heard the other yell out again, a few seconds later another loud and harsh thud followed. Chanyeol could feel the time slipping from underneath him.

He bit down on his lip out of nervousness as he tried to think back to early February when Chanyeol brought Baekhyun home from the garden. He kissed his nose right here on this porch, it was a moment he wouldn’t ever forget. The student pondered heavily on his next actions. Chanyeol  _ had _ to remember that code.

Fingers hesitated and move over to the number ‘8’ and quickly said  _ fuck it  _ and pressed ‘6’. Hoping his memory was correct despite being slightly blurred at this point. Luckily, he had a slight photographic memory and he prayed it would come into use.

When the little light flash green, Chanyeol felt his tense shoulders relax for a moment. He pulled back the door and made his way up the stairs as fast he could.

_ ‘209 _ , the room number is 209’ He kept reminding himself in his head.

As he made his way up the steps, he heard the quick shuffling once more from the other side and because of the silence that followed, Chanyeol ran up the stairs faster. When he reached the top, he felt pressure ringing around his neck. Letting out a small cough as he continues to make his way. The taller instantly brushed this off as an effect from rushing up several blocks of streets along with two flights of steps. But he’ll leave his issue of being under fit for another day.

Rushing down the hall as his eyes frantically looked around the numbers attached to the doors. As he approached the end of the hallway, his eyes finally even across ‘209’ and he instantly noticed the door was left cracked open.

Chanyeol deemed it was safe to hang up the phone as he ended the call. Returning the device back to the safety of his back pocket. “Baekhyun-ah?” The latter whispered once before making his way in, trying to hold in his coughs from the slowly relaying pressure on his windpipe remaining and keep his heavy breathing to a minimum.

He nudged the handle of the door as the entrance slowly swung open and Chanyeol walked in. As much as he was panicking, he couldn’t just rush in. What good would it do if Chanyeol got hurt too? He didn’t know who was in here. Whether it be a burglar, a serial killer, or a stalker, he had to try to keep himself safe in order to effectively get Baekhyun into safety with him.

He made sure his footsteps were as light as can be as the latter made this way through. He could hear the voice of…. _ Jaegun  _ right down the hall. It was impossible to make it over the phone, yet now? His voice was as clear as day, he could recognize that voice from anywhere.

“I told you, Baekhyunnie. You’ll never escape me.”

Jaegeun is known as Baekhyun’s boyfriend, the one who was supposed to protect him and care for him, no matter what. Chanyeol glanced into the kitchen as he was making his final inner connections, noticing the glass shattered on the wet floor. Yet, he couldn’t remain focus on it too long as eyes searched in desperate need for a weapon to use.

It all made sense now,  _ all of it  _ and Chanyeol was angry at himself for noticing this late. The way Baekhyun’s mood would change when Jaegeun was around, the constant layers of clothing and makeup to hide the wounds inflicted on his body, and the way Baekhyun left everything behind: his job, his freedom, and Chanyeol himself, all happened the day after him and Jaegeun met face to face outside of the bar. He deceived Chanyeol without a second thought and the worst part was that Chanyeol believed the words that came out of that snakes’ mouth.

That  _ fucking  _ bastard.

He’ll admit the thought of Jaegeun being behind this crossed his mind the day he found out about their intertwined destiny together, yet, he brushed it off assuming maybe if anything Baekhyun was harming himself especially after the wrist incident that occurred. In which, he would deal with that when Baekhyun was ready for that intervention. But now? Chanyeol isn’t waiting for shit.

He was ready to crack this motherfucker’s skull open the second he’s given the chance.

The latter reached up to open a cabinet door and pulled out a pan as quietly as possible. Gripping the heavy weapon in his hand, not wasting a second more. Chanyeol started to sneak up the hallway as the voice continues to bounce off the bathroom walls.

-

“I told you, Baekhyunnie. You’ll never escape me.”

Instantly, Baekhyun’s hands went to grasp at Jaegeun’s fingers that we’re digging tightly into his neck. Frantically attempting to push his fingers underneath and to release the pressure off his neck.

Jaegeun’s twisted smile was only inches away from Baekhyun’s face as the grip around his neck only got tighter. Still attempting to pull his hand away for a moment, just a single  _ fucking  _ moment so Baekhyun could take in a bit of air, “You...bastard...” He croaked out.

But as time kept passing so did the air from his lungs. Baekhyun continued to gasp as his cheeks begin to tint light crimson. Jaegeun only laughed once more, “It’s so fun watching you squirm and panic under my power.”

Yet, the only thing scaring Baekhyun here wasn’t the fact he was being choked out. Jaegeun has done this multiple times. It’s sad to say but, it was something he grew to expect.  _ No, _ what concerned the smaller was that this time  _ Jaegeun wasn’t letting go _ and with that glint in his eye, it didn’t seem like he was intending to let go either.

Fear shuddered down Baekhyun's spine as reality began to settle in. His phone had to still be on, Chanyeol had to be on his way. Please, he just had to be. Baekhyun was hoping the taller would rush in the moment he begged yet, he didn’t. And as multiple moments passed, that fate he had started to wither away.

He wasn’t going to be saved.

“You’re...You’re kill...ing...me.” Baekhyun croaked out as he tried to dig his nails into Jaegeun’s hand to force him to let go. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting out of Jaegeun. For him to magically let go? To apologize? To kiss and make it all better? That’s hilarious, bitterly hilarious. But what he wasn’t expecting was these words to come out of his boyfriend’s mouth, “Y’know. It’s quite pleasing watching the life slip from someone’s eyes,” He spoke in a sinister tone, white knuckles continuing to tighten more and more around his windpipe, “Now I understand the satisfaction your father must have felt when he killed off that whore you had for a mother.” Jaegeun hissed out, making his words the final blow to finally send Baekhyun spiraling.

That’s when he realized. Baekhyun  _ was _ in the same exact position as she was all those years ago. His mother was killed by being choked to death by his father, all while Baekhyun was one room away. Insistent nothing was going on, just another typical fight. Until he walked downstairs and saw the last bits of life flushing from his mother’s eyes as his father stood there with his hands tightly gripped around her neck.

... _ Oh _ , how history repeats itself.

He continued to gasp but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Baekhyun began to feel extremely light-headed as his vision began to blur, not sure if it was from losing too much oxygen or tears building up in his eyes. Maybe, both. The smaller’s attempts to pull Jaegeun’s hands off him began to become slow and lazy, all of the energy was being sucked out of him faster and faster. The worst part being that Baekhyun could do nothing about it except dangle here and let it happen, all over again.

So, this was it? He was going to die just like that? After all the tears, after all the yelling, and after all the hopes he had of getting out of this mess, it all was for  _ nothing _ . It went to waste in a matter of fucking minutes. Baekhyun will never achieve happiness as he yearned, he will never achieve the chance to live a normal life, and he will never know what it feels like to be loved by someone genuinely. That slither of hope he held onto was no more.

Despite accepting this similar fate long ago, he was never sure when it would come to bite him. Baekhyun didn’t expect to be dead at 21 with hardly anything achieved in life.

But he guessed that just shows how much he was never meant to be on this planet.

And that maybe,

this was for the best.

So, he was right after all.

Black spots started to fill his eyes as the air got more and more scarce. Baekhyun couldn’t find the will nor energy to fight any longer no matter how much he yearned to. Everything was slipping away from him moment after moment, the pain rushing over him feeling ten times worse than before.

Is this how incoming death feels?

Well, guess we'll find out sooner or later.

Until he saw a blurred silhouette emerge from behind Jaegun and a hard object come down on his boyfriend’s head seconds after. A harsh  **_bang_ ** filled the tense air, instantly cutting through it like a knife. Baekhyun felt Jaegeun’s hand released from his neck as he began coughing vigorously and indulging in deep breaths while the smaller slid down the wall, eyes squeezed tight. Too afraid to take another glance.

What if he has died already and this was nothing but the imagery of his desire to be rescued to mock him as he encountered hell once and for all? Or heaven granting him the wish to see what his future could have been?

He wasn’t sure what would be worse.

Until, he felt a pair of soft, large hands caressing his shoulders, pulling him up a bit. As he heard a tear-filled voice speak, “B-Baekhyun?”

-

“ _ It’s so fun watching you squirm and panic under my power. _ ” Chanyeol heard Jaegeun say as he made his way down the hall until he was right outside the broken-down door. His back flat against the wall as he continued to listen whilst calculating when he should strike.

All he could see from the inside of the bathroom at the angle he was at was his reflection in the side of the mirror. A reflection that made his eyes widen in horror, the slight pressure he was feeling on his neck wasn’t from being out of breath from running up the stairs in a rush.  _ No _ , this area was bruising as we speak and dark red, growing more in color and in trauma as the wound rung around his neck more.

‘ _ He’s choking him to death... _

_ and I’m running out of time to save him.’ _

It was as if the curse placed upon him was a ticking time bomb for Baekhyun’s demise at this any moment.

“ _ You’re...You’re kill...ing...me.”  _ He heard a gasping Baekhyun utter out and god, the trembling of his voice made Chanyeol’s heart shatter. The student’s body continued to quiver but, he knew he had to control himself.

He had to for Baekhyun.

**_Focus_ ** , Chanyeol

He glanced in the doorway to take a quick look at the situation. Luckily, Jaegeuns back was turned to him. The sight of the other man pinning Baekhyun against the wall as the color flushed from his fast made him instantly sick to his stomach. Yet, only made his integrity grow more.

“ _ Y’know. It’s quite pleasing watching the life slip from someone’s eyes, _ ” Jaegeun spoke again, Chanyeol watched as his grip tightened on Baekhyun’s neck, “ _ Now I understand the satisfaction your father must have felt when he killed off that whore you had for a mother. _ ”

And with that, Chanyeol was fully pushed  _ way, way  _ past his limit. It was time to do this shit and shut this bastard up once and for all. No more waiting for a ‘perfect moment’.

He bit down on his lip and took a deep breath; he’s never killed a man before. But, if today was that today, he wouldn’t feel an ounce of regret from it. A bastard like him deserves to perish. Re-adjusting his sweaty grip on the pan handle, just a split second later he turned to walk into the bathroom.

Without any hesitation, Chanyeol quietly came behind Jaegeun and lifted the pan. The weapon harshly whooshed down as a  _ bang _ filled the air when it contacted Jaegeun’s skull. The man let his grip go as he collapsed onto the ground, clearly only knocked out from the attack.

_ Bummer. _

But he’ll take it. It should be plenty of time to get Baekhyun out before he wakes up.

The taller instantly let the pan slip from his grip and let it fall to the bathroom floor. Instantly feeling that pressure relieving from his neck as he broke out into a small coughing fit, but he had to quickly gather himself.  It was probably to no amount of what Baekhyun felt, nowhere near it.

He got down on his knees to become on the same level as Baekhyun. Seeing him in this state brought tears to his eyes, he felt guilty for being so oblivious. Chanyeol blamed himself for never seeing the signs soon enough even though, deep down, he knew he couldn’t have known. Yet, the student couldn’t help but let those negative thoughts invade his vulnerable mind now.

His hands went to clasp around Baekhyun’s shoulders and shook him a bit, “B-Baekhyun?” He spoke trying to swallow the lump in his throat as his hands went to cup the other’s cheeks to look up at him. Luckily, the smaller was alive and breathing. It was unsteady and slowly going back to normal but, he was, nonetheless.

Baekhyun opened his eyes yet he appeared disorientated, “C-Chanyeol…?” He croaked out as he looked at him though only seeing a blur. It was clear Baekhyun was quite out of it, as anyone would be if you were almost on the brink of being killed.

The student only let out a sigh of relief when he heard the other’s voice. “It’s me, I’m here.” He spoke in a soft, caring tone to the other. The student pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and quickly tighten it up to his chin. Despite anything, Baekhyun couldn’t see the markings on him once he became functional again. It would only cause him to worry. He can’t risk that, Baekhyun needed to worry about himself right now and for a good while at that.

Not wasting another second, Chanyeol reached over to help the other stand up, giving him support as he hooked his arm around the back of Baekhyun’s torso. Chanyeol guided Baekhyun out of the bathroom, out of that tainted apartment and into the hallway of the second floor.

Baekhyun glanced up at him as he began to come back to his sense slightly, “W-Where are we going? Please don’t say the hospital, it won’t help. He’ll only find me. Please, C-Chanye- “He spoke in a weak and tired voice. It was evident he was desperate to get the farthest away from Jaegun as he possibly could. “No. Don’t worry, I’m not taking you there.” Chanyeol was quick to melt that worry from Baekhyun’s mind. Honestly, Chanyeol knows that’s exactly where he should take the other and if it gets to a bad point, he will. Yet, right now, for the sake of Baekhyun, he decided to pick somewhere else.

“Then... where are... we going?” Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol shot a glance back down at the other,

“We’re going home.” 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

Since that night, three months have passed.

Three months of mental recovery.

Three months of nightmares.

Three months of riddling anxiety

Three months of regaining the peace within Baekhyun’s mind once more.

And to say he’s even close settling with his trauma is an understatement. But he has made the process, huge amounts of it. The smaller was quite proud of himself. He was finally able to stay at home by himself without having to call someone panicking five minutes later, almost bawling his eyes out and quivering with fear that Jaegeun would show up and finish him off. Paralyzed with fear he would find him and invade their home even though his ex-boyfriend was secured behind bars a few weeks after the incident. Sadly, not due to abuse charges which Baekhyun backed out of, too afraid to meet those cold eyes once more. Actually, Jaegeun was arrested for embezzling money from his company. In conclusion,  _ karma _ was the best thing ever and it bit his ex-boyfriend in the ass hard.

Nonetheless, he was too far to touch him and invade the peace of  _ their _ home.

But yes,  _ home. _

Now, where has Baekhyun been residing since his near-death experience?

_ Well, _

Chanyeol took Baekhyun in after the incident. At first, the smaller refused panged with guilt for making Chanyeol make such a big change for his sake especially after all he put him through. But, after the constant insisting from the latter and the realization hitting Baekhyun that it was either this or sleeping on a park bench, he caved in.

The other knew that Baekhyun needed time to recover and gave him the space to do so. As time passed, Baekhyun made sure to get medically and psychologically checked out. Per Chanyeol’s request, he suggested he should start to see a therapist and he did. At first, he wasn’t sure if talking to someone about his never-ending issues would even help him.

Yet, with time, he started to see the change the appointments began to make. Baekhyun was starting to let go of all his old and newly installed traumatic fears little by little. “You’re safe now.” His therapist would say to him, “Don’t be afraid to let go and just live your life, Baekhyun.”

So, that’s exactly what he’s been trying to do

For weeks now, he’s been applying to new jobs and going to interviews to no avail. The thought of getting his old bartending job back crossed his mind multiple times but, he couldn’t go back to a place filled with memories of the worst version of himself. Also, he doesn’t think his shit-stain of an old boss would even let me have it back.

Living with Chanyeol was nice, but he felt guilty not giving him some type of rent or aiding to the bills. Yet, despite his endless attempts, Baekhyun hadn’t received any calls back and Chanyeol can tell it was beginning to bother him badly.

“You don’t need to pay me anything, Baekhyun.” He would say to him every time after each failed interview. The latter would continue speaking as he looked over at the smaller who had worry written all over his expression, “Trust me, you being safe and focusing on yourself means more to me than you’ll ever know.” Chanyeol would smile at him and that smile never failed to make him feel relieved. Little did Baekhyun know, after Chanyeol spoke those calming words, he said to himself in his head, ‘ _And I’m so glad I got to you before it was too late._ _What would I ever do without my_ ** _soulmate?_** _’_

But, Baekhyun was too hard-headed to stop trying, no matter what Chanyeol said. Besides, the smaller wanted to work anyways and get out of the house more than he does now. All his weeks consist of his therapy sessions, staying inside by himself since Chanyeol was busy getting everything together for his graduation, and the occasional walk or lunch him and Chanyeol would go out on when he got home from school or work.

It was nice but something Baekhyun couldn’t do forever.

While being here, the smaller has been so indulged in himself yet he hasn’t gotten the reason he’s chosen to stick by Chanyeol’s side. He still loved the latter and has never doubted that for a moment. But he needed time to get in a place healthy enough to accept love back in his life. Baekhyun knew he had to heal himself and love himself to a degree before he could try to be something  _ more _ with Chanyeol.

He wanted to give Chanyeol the best version of himself because that’s what he deserves.

Chanyeol walked through the front door moments later, carrying groceries in his hands. “Hyunee, could you close the door for me?” He asked the other as he walked past him to place the bags in the kitchen. Baekhyun nodded and closed the door behind him, “You didn’t tell me you were going. I could of went and helped you, dummy.” Baekhyun let out a small laugh at the glimpse of a breathless Chanyeol who just hauled heavy groceries up the apartment steps.

“It was a last-minute decision. I figured we could make dinner tonight.” Chanyeol spoke as he began to unpack the bags. Baekhyun swooped in not a second longer to help him put stuff away, “Hm? What’s the celebration?” Baekhyun smiled as he put away some cans, “You never want to cook unless it’s for something special.”

Chanyeol put the fresh vegetables he bought away in the fridge as he looked over at him, opening his mouth only to quickly close it again. But, Baekhyun wasn’t blind and knew whatever secret he was holding back from the smaller wouldn’t last very long. A small grin sneaked onto Baekhyun’s lips as he walked over to Chanyeol, who was putting away frozen items.

He snuck behind the latter and snaked his arms around his torso, laying his head on Chanyeol’s back. “Tell meeeeeeeee.” Baekhyun began to whine, as he squeezed tight.

“No way. You’ll find out at dinner.”

“Tell me or I’m going to poke your sides until you're begging me to stop.”

“That’s not going to work on me again, Byun Baekhy- “Chanyeol was cut off by Baekhyun's fingers instantly ticking at Chanyeol’s sides.

The other instantly broke out in laughter as he tried to pull away from the smaller’s death grip. “N-No! Hahaha! Get off me you’re p-playing unfair.” Chanyeol continued to laugh as his hands tried to pry Baekhyun off him.

“Not unless you tell me, Yeol.” Baekhyun’s grin only grew more as he attacked his sides again.

Chanyeol’s ugly ( _ yet cute) _ laugh filled the air once again after moments of struggling, he slipped away from a laughing Baekhyun’s arms and turned around to face him.  “You...are...menacing.” The latter spoke out of breath, his cheeks tinting pink.

“I did what I had to do.” Baekhyun raised his hands, “And I’ll do it again if you don’t spill- “

“Fine! Fine!” Chanyeol instantly gives in.

Well, that was easy.

But, Chanyeol only paused and brushed passed him to continue putting away their items. “Do you remember that botanical garden I took you to months ago for our first...  _ hang out _ ?” Doing his best not to let the words ‘date’ slip out his mouth.  Baekhyun nodded as he continued to go back to helping the latter, “Yes, of course. What about it?”

“...Well,” Chanyeol bit down on his bottom lip as he turned to face Baekhyun who stopped midway putting another can away, “What?” The smaller repeated.

“Look,  _ maybe _ I have a friend who works there and...” He looks down for a moment, “ _ Maybe  _ I submitted an application for you two weeks ago and... just  _ maybe  _ they want to hire you.”

Baekhyun stood there with as his jaw dropped, the smaller was lost for words. He blinked a few times as he fully processed the information, “You...You got me a job at a garden? “He asked, in which Chanyeol nodded in response.

“I wanted to wait till dinner to tell you to make it more special but- “Chanyeol spoke until a grateful Baekhyun flew his arms around the latter’s neck and embraced him tightly, his face snuggling into the student’s neck. “Thank you.” He mumbled as Chanyeol embraced him back with a smile on his lips.

“It’s nothing. I know you’ve been wanting a job for a while and I saw how much it upset you when you kept getting rejected so, I talked to my friend a bit and he wanted you to submit an application.” He ran his hands down Baekhyun’s back a bit, “But, I wanted it to be a surprise, so I did it for you. I hope you don’t mind that.”

A puffy-eyed Baekhyun pulled away from the embrace as he looked up at Chanyeol, “Of course that’s okay. That’s more than okay.” He sniffled, “I really don’t deserve you, Chanyeol. I don’t at all.” He continued as he looked down. Chanyeol was quick to cup Baekhyun’s cheeks and rise his head back up towards him,

“ _ I’d do anything for you, Baekhyun _ .” Chanyeol gleamed at the smaller with soft words he hasn’t heard since that one time in the very few weeks of Baekhyun staying with the latter.

- _ flashback: 2 weeks since the incident- _

Since the night Baekhyun arrived at his apartment, Chanyeol was insistent on the smaller taking his bed while he slept on his couch instead. And as stubborn as Baekhyun was with enough convincing, he decided to go along with the arrangement. The latter wanted nothing more but for him to be comfortable. It was going to be weird for him being in a new environment especially after something so traumatic right off the bat.

So, Chanyeol wanted to do everything he could for Baekhyun to take time for himself and relax until he’s ready.

Two weeks into the sleeping set up, Chanyeol laid down on the couch after a night of cramming for his exam coming up. Itching at the collar secured around his still wounded neck, Chanyeol had been strictly bound to wearing turtlenecks and hoodies tied high up his neck almost 24/7 around his house even to sleep. It would stay this way until every noticeable wound successfully heals. He didn’t want Baekhyun to get worried about him, triggered over it, or get him completely off track on his own focuses right now.

For once, Baekhyun needed to focus on himself and coping with what happened. Not pondering on wounds due to some Greek mythology bullshit.

Chanyeol entangled himself in his blanket and getting as comfortable as he could on his small couch.  _ Yes _ , maybe his legs did tangle over the side a bit, but he could bear with it for now.

As Chanyeol began to drift into slumber, a pair of hands gently shook his shoulders, “Yeol?” Baekhyun whispered. The latter scrunched his eyebrows as he opened his eyes to see a worried Baekhyun hovering over him. “Baekhyun?” Chanyeol called out as he sat up, “What’s wrong?”

Baekhyun frowned, “I’m...I’m sorry to wake you but...” He huffed, as he looked away out of embarrassment, “Look, I’ve been having horrible nightmares for multiple nights now. I’m really scared it’ll happen again if I sleep alone...” The smaller bit down on his lower lip as he looked up again, “Do you mind sleeping with me tonight?”

Chanyeol expression softened as he shook his head, “No, I don’t mind at all.” He spoke as he began to stand up. The taller flashed a small, reassuring smile Baekhyun's way, “Come on, let’s go.” and Baekhyun was more than relieved he wouldn’t have to spend another night burdening his problems all alone.

They both laid down, the bed luckily big enough to hold two people in it. Yet, Chanyeol could still tell Baekhyun was uneasy as several silence moments went by until Chanyeol turned on his back and spoke, “Something is still bothering you, isn’t it?” Baekhyun turned over to face the latter as he spoke, “I guess, maybe I just want to get some stuff off my mind. I think I’m ready to, at least.”

“Shoot.” Chanyeol looked over at him with a small nod indicating Baekhyun to start ranting. “Well, are you ready for an earful of tragic backstory?” Baekhyun breathlessly chuckled as he moved a bit closer to the other. “Oh? So, I finally get to hear your backstory?” Chanyeol replied as a playful grin laced his lips.

“Maybe more than you’ll ever want to know.” The smaller said as a sigh left his lips the moment after.

“Well, I guess I should start from the beginning.”

Baekhyun asked himself, as that small grin fell from his lips. “A lot of my nightmares you’d think would be about Jaegeun but, actually, they’re about my father instead.”

“Your father?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun said, “My father was abusive, mentally and physically to me and my mother as I was growing up. To me, Jaegeun reflected a lot of what my father was so, that doesn’t help.” He went ahead and put it out there, seeing there was no beating around the bush if the smaller truly wanted to get his feelings out.

Chanyeol remained quiet, he continued to listen to the other. “My father was more so abusive towards my mother more than me. I was only 9 years old when it all finally stopped so, for many years I clearly couldn’t do  _ anything  _ about it. I couldn’t help myself and worst of all, I couldn’t protect my mother.” Baekhyun spoke with a grim tone. It was a story he hardly told anyone, the only person to really know this was Jaegeun.

“She was the one who got me into gardening and flowers actually. I always saw a lot of myself in her, I looked like her more than my father and our personalities were almost similar.” He continued, “And maybe, we were more alike than I originally thought.”

Chanyeol’s expression twisted into worry but, he wasn’t trying to make that obvious to the other. He didn’t want Baekhyun to think he was burdening him by telling his story, the latter wanted nothing more but to be by the other’s side. Especially, during times like this.

“She was a kind and gentle woman who didn’t deserve what that monster did to her.” Baekhyun’s tone instantly turned bitter as Chanyeol went to speak, just to indicate that he was still listening to him, “What happened to her?... Did he- “

“Yeah. He did.” Baekhyun croaked out, choking up with tears at the mere thought of it all over again, “He murdered her when I was 9.”

Chanyeol’s lips parted open as he frowned, gently he reached over to pull Baekhyun closer to him. The other’s head leaning on his chest, bringing him into a loose embrace. As more tears blurred his vision, the tighter Baekhyun held Chanyeol back. A sniffle came from the smaller, “And I blamed myself over it forever. I was in the other room when it happened, I thought- “He let out a shaky breath, “I thought they were just fighting like usual. But all the yelling suddenly got quiet as minutes passed by of bliss and I knew, I just  _ knew  _ something was wrong.”

The taller reached up to calmly run his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair, out of the need to comfort the other. “And, I was too late. By the time, I got to her, she was already pretty much dead. I was the last glimpses of life sink from her eyes as he choked her to death.” Chanyeol’s eyes widened a bit, yet he kept his composure.

‘ _ So that’s what Jaegeun meant…’ _

“And m-me? I almost faced a similar fate as her 12  _ fucking  _ years later.” Tears were staining Chanyeol’s t-shirt yet, Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to stop crying. “History surely does repeat itself, huh?” He spoke as he tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down.

“But, that’s not the point here. I keep having nightmares of seeing my mother, in her last few moments as the life slipped from her eyes and replacing that figure with myself. Because that  _ was _ going to be me, Chanyeol,”

The smaller tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat, “And sometimes, these dreams convince me that it was  _ supposed  _ to be me. I was supposed to die. I was supposed to face a similar fate as my mother.”

Chanyeol felt himself holding back tears, he loathed those words that came from Baekhyun’s mouth. They were the farthest from the truth.

“And now that it didn’t happen? I wonder, when will it?  _ When _ will Jaegeun come back and finally finish me off?  _ When _ will the light slip from my eyes just the very same? Just when- “

“Don’t say that.” Chanyeol intervened as Baekhyun looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, his head still laying on the latter’s chest. “You are meant to be here, Baekhyun. You have a purpose in this world, and I promise you will find out what it is very soon.” The latter continued to speak as Baekhyun looked down, a sigh slipping from his lips, “You don’t know that, Chanyeol. I wasn’t meant to be here, and I’ve accepted that long ago.”

‘ _ But you are supposed to be here. You are meant to be here with me in this timeline _ .’ Chanyeol thought to himself and this time his next thought fell from his lips out-loud, “If you weren’t meant to be here then I wouldn’t be here either.”

Baekhyun sat up a bit yet still remaining close to the other. He scrunched his eyebrows together and shook his head, “Don't be silly. You’re a soon-to-be college graduate, you’ll have a good job, and be making something out of yourself. But, me?” He let out a bitter laugh, “Chanyeol, I was designed to be deplorable. I have made no mark in this life. I’ve wasted all my opportunities and watched them go down the drain.”

“Just because people have gone at a faster pace than you doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol went to cup the others cheek, his thumb brushing away any left-over tears. He continued, “You’re 21 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you to catch up and I promise, you’ll get there. You’re here for a reason and you’ll find it.” The latter continued his inspirational mini-speech as Baekhyun sighed, leaned his face more into Chanyeol’s palm. “Really? It’s not too late?”

The other smiled, “It’s never too late. It’ll come; I cross my heart.” The latter said as Baekhyun starred at him with a loving gaze, “I don’t know how I’m going to do it, honestly. Where do I even start?” The smaller asked the other.

“You can start by focusing on yourself first and start the journey to recover, it’ll take a while to get used to but It’ll be great for you in the long run.” Chanyeol pitched the idea as a Baekhyun’s expression turned nervous, “But-“

“I’ll help you.” Chanyeol intervened, “Every step of the way, you’re not in this alone, Baekhyun and I can start it by accompanying you to sleep if that’ll help and I wouldn’t mind it.”

Chanyeol loves Baekhyun and with love, comes with the desperate need to care for the other. Ever since the latter got Baekhyun away from Jaegeun, the wounds slowly began to fade as time passed by and now, no new bruises or cuts showing up on to taint either of their bodies. But, seeing that the two weren’t sealed together in a romantic way just yet, left a window open for all that to happen again. Chanyeol didn’t want either of them battered with scars and bruises any longer, especially Baekhyun. Yet, the latter also wanted the smaller to be happy and find himself before he tried to pursue anything with him. It was something Chanyeol was willing to sacrifice even if that meant a few more paper cuts or accidental wounds may tattoo his body again.

Because Baekhyun was someone Chanyeol would wait a thousand years for him until he inevitably reached the happiness he deserved.

Baekhyun’s face started to flush, “You’d do that? I wouldn’t want to burden you, Chanyeol. You’ve done so much already…” He replied as Chanyeol shook his head, “Nonsense,” a small smile bloomed on his lips as Baekhyun heard just a few words that made his worries slip away and his heart skip a bit, words that meant  _ so _ much to him no matter how small they seemed:

“I’d do anything for you, Baekhyun.”

_ … _

Baekhyun spoke up again whose face instantly lit up, a grin prominently on his lips, “Actually, that thing I said about you making something out of yourself? Yeah, I take that back.”

“Why?!”

“Do you forget you’re a fucking Humanities major?”

-

**Another month has passed..** .

So many things can happen in the span of a month. Chanyeol has finally graduated from University. Baekhyun accompanied him to his graduation alongside his friends, Sehun and his boyfriend, Jongin with Chanyeol’s mother who was released from rehab a few weeks back accompanying them. They all connected quite quickly as they talked the whole time throughout the graduation dinner afterward.

“I told you so.”

Baekhyun heard Jongin whose hands intertwined with Sehun’s next to him whispered to Chanyeol, a grin on his lips as they walked out of the restaurant, elbowing the taller with his free arm to grab his attention.

“Oh, shut up.” Chanyeol rolled his eyes at first until a genuine smile began lacing his lips as he glimpsed back to look at Baekhyun for a slight second then back to Jongin,

“But yeah, maybe you were right.”

The smaller wasn’t very sure what they were talking about but, he knew Chanyeol wouldn’t tell him right away even if he asked. In the end, it slipped his mind.

Out of everyone Baekhyun connected with, Chanyeol’s mother was the one he spoke to the most. They carried out multiple conversations about nature, Chanyeol, and other assortments of random topics. Overall, Baekhyun could tell she was a lovely woman…

With an even lovelier son who smiled ear to ear as he was handed his very well-deserved diploma.

Baekhyun could practically feel his heart burst with happiness for the latter.

The smaller also started his job in the botanical garden. It rushed back so many memories from his childhood having flowers and nature back in his life again, Baekhyun started to feel whole once more. Admittingly, he’s always felt childish for having a dream like this, what kind of kid had a dream to be a gardener and working with flowers? Very few do but, he couldn’t find passion and drive into anything else surrounding him. So, it leads him to study Botany in his free-time throughout middle and high school. So close to even landing a job in the field. Yet, of course, it was all put at a halt when Jaegeun waltzed into his life and he never ventured out to pursue it any longer.

The job itself was amazing. He got a positioned where he’d be able to directly work with flowers and as well, he’s even made friends. Like, there was Kim Junmyeon, his manager and Chanyeol’s friend that was mentioned to him when he was told about the job offer. The guy equally shared the same interest in nature as Baekhyun and they always talked on their breaks about just anything. Forgetting what it felt like to have friends, it was such a fulfilling and warm feeling that overcame the smaller.

It was hard for Baekhyun to grow accustomed to this new life suddenly. For two years, he was pretty much in his own world, well-  _ Jaegeun’s world.  _ All he did was work and come home to a miserable home life. And suddenly in four months that has turned around drastically. He’s never had friends, a likable job, and a growing healthy lifestyle all at the same time before...

...and it was one of the best feelings ever.

He felt himself growing into a better person and improving himself more and more. Baekhyun set his goal to become a better version of himself for not only his sake but for Chanyeol’s as well. And the fact that his goal was coming into full bloom made his heart feel full.

Baekhyun felt ready to take on the whole world now.

But there was one more thing he wanted to achieve. Something he’s been yearning since the moment he met those brown hues and a goofy smile. The smaller finally wanted to make things official with Chanyeol.

For the past few months, their feelings for each other haven’t faded for a second. In fact, they’ve only grown stronger with time. Making Baekhyun strive more and more to love and better himself before he made the step to love Chanyeol completely and outwardly.

He was finally ready, and he just hoped Chanyeol was too.

Baekhyun sat down next to the latter on the couch who was indulged in the material on his laptop with headphones on his head. The smaller reached over and pulled them off, watching as Chanyeol’s black curls sprung up again. “...I have an idea,” Baekhyun spoke.

The taller looked over at the other with a confused look, “Hm?” Chanyeol laughed, “Well, what is it?”

“Let’s go somewhere. _ Y’know _ like the park.”

“Okay, we can go there tomorrow.” He suggested as he went to turn his attention back to his laptop yet, the other spoke up again whilst grabbing the other’s arm, “No.“ Baekhyun shook his head, “I mean like tonight.”

The other scrunched his eyebrows together, “The park is closed, Baekhyun. Unless... you’re suggesting we trespass?”

The smaller grinned with a glimmer in his eyes, “I have my tricks. Trust me, I can get us in and out like we were never there.”

Chanyeol closed his laptop and placed it to his side, “I don’t know, Baekhyun-“

“Oh, come on.” Baekhyun continued to urge him, “I want to take you somewhere for once, somewhere I think you’ll like but you can only see it at night.” He watched as Chanyeol’s expression softened and a sight left his lips, “Fine but if we get arrested, I’m blaming you.”

The other rolled his eyes, “Fine! Deal.”

-

Baekhyun walked up to the gate closed off to the park as he wrapped his hand around the metal bar.

“They hardly ever update the quality of these gates,” He spoke up as Chanyeol stood behind him, “Which is why they are quite easy to open.”

“And how do you expect to do that?” Chanyeol replied as he crossed his arms over his chest, grin present on his lips.

Baekhyun held the gate where it locks and shook it hard three times watching as a second later, the entrance popped open, “Just like that.”

“Didn’t know you knew how to break into things?”

“Only park gates. Just something I learned as a kid, nothing special.”

The smaller led them into the quiet, vacant park. “Now where exactly is this special place you want to take me?” Chanyeol questioned once more. “Well, aren’t you just full of questions tonight?” Baekhyun stopped in his tracks as he turned to look at the other.

He reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards his side, “I want to show you,” Baekhyun extends his arm and points up at the scenic view on the top of the nearby hill, “this.”

“And the reason you brought me here at night is?”

“You’ll see.” Baekhyun brushed him off as he continued to walk up to the hill.

Chanyeol kept his questions down until they reached the top of the hill, his jaw-dropping as when they reached the top, he got a view of the whole park itself and the background of the bright city behind it. The latter leaned over the railing placed for safety precautions, “Wow.” The taller whispered in disbelief.

“Beautiful, right?” Baekhyun accompanied him in awe as he looked out at the view, “But, this isn’t what I wanted to show you.”

The latter looked over at him with a puzzled look, “What is it then?”

“Hm,” Baekhyun thinks for a moment, “Well, do you trust me?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Then close your eyes and let me guide you.”

Chanyeol’s expression only grew more confused, “Look if you’re trying to push me off a cliff- “

“If I wanted to do that, I would of a long time ago. Now, be quiet and just do it, Yeol.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he watched a hesitant Chanyeol close his eyes.

Baekhyun walked over and grabbed his hands, guiding him to the middle of the top of the hill. As it was layered in healthy grass and yellow Daffodils spread out all throughout the hill, “Lay down for me and don’t open your eyes until I say so.” The smaller told the other and slowly, Chanyeol complied.

Baekhyun laid down beside him as he got comfortable laying in the bed of grass. He looked up at the sky already captivated by its beauty, “Okay, open them.” The smaller spoke as his eyes were already locked on the beautiful constellations above them. Watching as the stars glimmered so brightly especially when being so high up.

Chanyeol opened his eyes and was taken back by the view, one that was even more gorgeous than the one precious. His eyes reflected the bright stars in the sky, “You’re right, this is even more beautiful.” The latter spoke, almost at a loss of words from the sight.

“I used to come up here a lot back in high school. It’s calming during the day but even more so at night.” Baekhyun spoke as he put his hands behind his head, getting comfortable in the ground

A comfortable silence fell in-between them as they both were indulged in shooting stars for several moments. Baekhyun knew he had to say it despite the butterflies filling his stomach. Nervousness was evident and he was trying to conjure up the right words to say.

What even is the right thing to say when you tell someone you love them?

 

**[suggested song to play: sick of losing soulmates by dodie]**

“Stargazing isn’t the only reason I brought you here tonight, Chanyeol.” He sat up, leaning on his shoulder as he looked over at the latter, “Actually, I wanted to tell you something.” Chanyeol broke his gaze with the stars to look over at Baekhyun, “Go ahead, Hyunee.”

“Well,” The smaller bit down on his lip for a moment, “Ever since you came into my life all those months ago, you’ve truly made a big impact on me.” Baekhyun takes a deep breath as he continues his words, “You’ve been there for me in my worst times, supported me while I tried to cope with my endless trauma, and waited so patiently by my side. I could never thank you enough for that.”

Baekhyun’s free hand slid over to slip into Chanyeol’s as he ran his thumb over the latter’s knuckles, resting their conjoined hands over the torso of the other, “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you coming into my life. But I do know, we were destined to meet. You were meant to be in my life and for me to be in yours,” Chanyeol continued to intently listen as he watched the other talk, his cheeks beginning to flush which he hoped wasn’t noticeable under the moonlight.

“And for a long time, I doubted that. I thought I was a burden for invading your life and would only get you hurt in the end but, I was wrong and with time, I began to accept that.” He looked down for a moment as his gaze went to their entangled hands, “And I also began to accept that maybe you weren’t just a friend to me...”

Chanyeol wasn’t sure how to react except let a loving smile lace his lips, he wanted the other to finish before saying anything. “Four months ago, when you told me you loved me, I never gave you a reply when you rightful deserve one.” He scooted closer to the other, keeping their hands intertwined. “I waited because I wanted to give not only myself but  _ you _ , the best version of myself before I ever gave you my answer. But, now, I think I’m ready to tell you.”

Chanyeol tightly gripped the others hand, feeling the honesty and intensity in his words, “Chanyeol, I’ve loved you since I laid my eyes on you when you came into my bar that Monday night and I grew to love you more and more every day we spend by each other’s side.” Baekhyun confessed, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

The latter moved up to sit up all the way and Baekhyun followed him, hands still interlaced together. “My love for you hasn’t faded for a second since I confessed to you and I always regretted  _ how _ I told you but never the fact that I did in the end, Baekhyun. Not for a single second.” Chanyeol gleamed, “And, I never doubted that you didn’t love me too. I just knew you needed time and for you?” He let out a breathless laugh as he continued, “I’d wait a million years and then a million more just to be with you.”

Baekhyun was overwhelmed with joy and the love that was spilling from his heart right now. He never thought he’d reach that point in his life where he felt happiness again, the smaller always thought it would just be a distant dream of his. Yet, over the past few months watching it develop right before him and now, at this moment, fully coming into bloom. Made him feel like he was on top of the world,  _ his  _ world.

And this time, nothing was going to stop him.

Baekhyun smiled as he locked eyes with the other, their gazes full of adoration for one another. “I’m so lucky to have met you. I wouldn’t be here if not.” The smaller spoke as Chanyeol began to lean in closer, “Trust me, even if we didn’t meet in this life. I would have still found my way back to you.” He whispered as his lips hovered over the others. Baekhyun leaned into finally feel the sweet embrace of the other’s lips.

Chanyeol’s free hand went up to cup the other’s cheek as he deepened the kiss using their interlocked fingers to pull the other closer to him. Intensity and love swirling around them grew more as Baekhyun momentarily ended up on top of Chanyeol who slowly leaned back into the soft grass as their lips remained locked.

Both yearning for this for so long.

For a moment, they took a break to catch their breath. Baekhyun’s face was flushed just like Chanyeol’s as their eyes were glued on one another still. “What would I ever do without you, my  _ soulmate _ by my side?” The words slipped past Chanyeol’s swollen lips, whispering breathlessly as his hand reach up to run his fingers through Baekhyun’s messy locks. Needing to get the words out of his system.

Byun Baekhyun was  _ his  _ soulmate to love and cherish forever and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

“You believe in soulmat- “The smaller went to ask him until Chanyeol cut his question off by crashing their lips together once more. And Baekhyun would be a fool not to melt into the kiss once again, the question instantly slipping his mind.

The love between them was thriving like never before as they finally accept each other in their newly founded fate.

Basking in each other’s existence once and for all.

 


End file.
